When I Gave My Body Without Desire

20 Aug When I Gave My Body Without Desire

The feel of water on my body was refreshing and ahh… when I washed my inside I felt so good… so clean. I am always excited when these days of impurity are over. I cannot complain of the monthly blood flow but I must admit I enjoy it when they cease.
I cannot help think about my husband right now though, I wish he was here at this time. He has been gone for long this time.

The Horror Of My Life

It wasn’t long after this that the king’s messengers came to me and asked me to come to his chambers. My heart skipped too many beats… Is all well? Is my husband okay? Did he get injured? Is he alive? My mind could’t stop racing. Even though my Grandfather and the King are quite close, he has never summoned me in this manner. Soon I was in the king’s chambers hoping all my thoughts were unfounded.
I never imagined what happened next, I was totally shocked at the king’s request, I didn’t even know what to think of it.
He wanted to lay with me! What should I do? Should I refuse? Should I scream? What will happen if I declined, if I fought, if I said no? I even feared worse, what would happen to my husband? My husband and father are the kings right hand men, why would the king want to do this to them, to the men that loved and trusted him the most?
Lord… the king is very powerful and I know he had the power to hurt all these men that I love with all my heart if I refused him… if he wanted to, he could even kill me.
But the king knows this is wrong and a sin against Yahweh… what has come over him? I know he loves Yahweh and would not want to do anything against Him.

He didn't even give me the option to say a yes or a no, I was too fear stricken to say anything. Click To Tweet

I thought of my husband, father and grandfather, I thought of what might become of them if I refused… I also thought of my life….

I Yielded Like A Sheep

I let him have his way, I couldn’t argue or struggle. If he got angry and tried to use physical force, I would have been no match for him… I let him have his way. As soon he was done, I left him. I didn’t wait to see if he felt remorse or if he would apologize, I just walked away to my house… I went and cleaned myself up again… I cannot explain what I felt… sadness, shame, guilt, dirty… whatever the feelings were… they were not good feelings…

The Consequence I Had To Deal With

My blood flow has not come since the last time, I waited, and waited, and waited, and got really worried. I feeI so ashamed to admit it but… am pregnant! It cannot be my husband, he has been away at war long before I saw my monthly blood flow and he has not been back since then.
Oh my God! I carry the king’s seed in me! What am I going to do? It is enough I had been defiled by the king, but how could I be pregnant from this sinful act?
What will my husband think of me? My father, my grandfather, Israel? Oh no! Oh God, this is not happening! Please God of my fathers make this go away! I am being punished for yielding… Oh my God!

I have to let the king know… but what good would that do… he cannot take me as wife, I am married. Oh Uriah! What have I done? Why did I not fight? I should have rather refused and died than allow all of this! But what if my husband had been killed if I refused? Oh God! I have disappointed everyone; my husband, my father, my grandfather, Israel… and more especially, Yahweh!
I still have to tell him, he has to know the result of his foolish desire and passion. He could have had one of his wives or concubines but he chose his trusted servant’s wife… even if he chooses to do nothing, at least he should know that his unholy passion has borne fruit.

An Unexpected Return

I am confused. I heard that my husband came home from the war but he didn’t come to see me. Did the king tell him? He probably is angry with me hence his decision to stay away. I still don’t get it, he just came stayed in the king’s palace and went back to war? What did the king tell him, how did he respond? And if he was told, how could he just go back to the battle field after spending days with the king, without even checking to see if what the king said was true? He must hate me now!

The Worst Of It All

I felt like my chest was going to burst in pain, I felt like I was going to pass out and die! Why are all these bad things happening to me all, all at once? This pain is more than I can bear! Oh Uriah my husband… did you lose heart because of what I had done and grown weak in battle? How could you die in the middle of all these?
I couldn’t cry enough… I cried and wailed with pain over my husband’s death, all the pain and shame of what had happened and the seed I now carry added to this indescribable pain of losing my husband. I could hardly be consoled…

The King’s Bride

When my mourning days were over the king took me to be his wife. My pregnancy had become quite obvious at this time and word had been going around of how I carry the king’s seed. I am not sure why the king married me. Out of pity, because I carry his seed, or just because it was what was required of him. After a while I bore the king a son. I had mixed feelings at the delivery of the child… do not misunderstand me, I was happy to hold him, but I was sad about the circumstances surrounding his birth.

The Big Reveal

It took Prophet Nathan’s visit to the palace to unfold the answers to all the questions I had running through my mind. The king has caused me so much pain… Now this child is going to die. Someone might think this news would bring me relief, after all this child would always remind me of the past… but I am his mother, I carried him and bore him, he is part of me… it hurt terribly to hear God’s judgement…
When he fell ill, I was horrified at the thought of the result of his illness. The king started a fast, laying all night on the ground and would not stop, not even when his elders tired to raise him off the ground. I also prayed for mercy and hoped that God would change his mind. But that would not happen, on the seventh day of his illness and the king’s fast, our son died and went back to Yahweh.

God’s Gift Of Peace

The king came to me the second time, I think in an attempt to comfort me. He laid with me and I got pregnant again. When it was time, I bore another son, I loved him and I found some form of comfort after losing my other son.
The king called him Solomon. Solomon is a Hebrew name that originates from the word Shalom which means peace. I knew that God’s favour was on him because God sent Nathan the prophet to call him Jedidiah which signified that he is loved by God.
Solomon brought me so much comfort and I did all I could to raise him as a godly man.

How God Turned It Around

I don’t know why God dealt so kindly with me, but my life turned out better than I hoped or imagined it would after all the misery I had suffered… which I thought I deserved…
God allowed me to become mother to a king of Israel, He allowed me to be included in the genealogy of The Messiah.
The pain I felt at the events of the past was so real, but out of the ashes of my life, God made something really beautiful. Out of the mess of my life, He brought forth The Messiah, out of the shame and reproach I suffered He gave me honour and dignity.
God restored joy, peace, and dignity to my life. He caused things to work for me God, and for this I am eternally grateful.

Look how God turned my nasty mess up to a message and restored dignity to my name! Click To Tweet

Culled from Bathsheba’s story in 2 Samuel chapters 11 and 12. Matthew 1:6, Proverbs 31:1-9

A Lesson To Learn

Sometimes there are things that happen to us by reason of wrong choices and decisions we made, sometimes things that were out of our control came upon us and caused pain, devastation, heartache and heartbreak.
If we repent of wrong, turn the situation over to God and put our hope and faith in Him, He will always turn things around for our good. Just like He did for Bathsheba and many others.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 NKJV

Do you reckon with this story?
Have you turned your messes over to God?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2017