Some or most marriages have or is dealing with this one dilemma of nagging. It may appear like no big of a deal, but if you ask the spouse on the receiving end, you will find that is is quite a big deal for them.
I will attempt to make us understand some things about nagging and also suggest some ways we can deal with it. However, let us see the definition of nagging.
According to dictionary.com Nagging means continually faultfinding, complaining, or petulant (impatient irritation). Do you give or experience nagging in your marriage? Have you noticed any effects of nagging on your relationship?
Walk with me as I share some thoughts we ought to understand about nagging and how to eliminate it from our homes.
Nagging Is Not Gender Specific
Most times when we mention nagging, the average person thinks “woman” or “wife”. This is not a true perception by any means because I have seen quite a lot of men who nag more when compared to some women. We must agree that anyone; male or female is susceptible to nagging, it is not tied to women only. We often refer to this Bible verse…
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21:9 ESV
And this letter Apostle Paul wrote to his SON Timothy…
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind… 2 Timothy 2:24 ESV
Both men and women can be quarrelsome… can nag…
Nagging Has Its Roots In Emotions
This is the reason nagging is mostly alluded to women, it is a popular thought and theory that women only are emotional, but we all know that there are also emotional men. I have seen men cry. I have seen men angry, sad, irritated, disgusted, anxious, infatuated and… yes, you got it right, nag too. Yes, men are emotional too. Any person who has no self-control can nag.
A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Proverbs 25:28 ESV
Nagging Has No Good In It
We might succeed in nagging our spouses into doing what we say or want when we want it. By nagging however, we are likely only having our way at the expense of a great relationship. Nagging is irritating, frustrating and annoying. Nobody likes to be nagged, we would not like to be at the receiving end of a nag.
The Nagger Hardly Knows Or Believes He/She Is Nagging
Many times people who nag have logical and “legitimate” excuses for nagging;
“My spouse won’t listen,” “My spouse doesn’t care,” “My spouse is lazy,” “My spouse is this… my spouse is that,”
We think our spouses have the problem and we need to fix them by continuous complaints and/or faultfinding. How wrong can we be!
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Matthew 7:3 ESV
The Nagger Needs Discipline
We nag because we are intemperate. It takes a lot of discipline to avoid trying to manipulate our spouses into doing what we want all the time. Even when we want to make them do things that are beneficial to them or the entire family, we must not employ unwholesome methods to achieving that. We can hardly achieve any good by doing bad.
A Result Of The Action/Inaction Of The Other Spouse
The spouse feeling nagged should think of how to help his/her spouse cease nagging. It would help if we responded quicker to our spouses instead of constantly demanding that they do what we ought whenever we want instead of when it ought to be done. Also, their is no use making promises we cannot keep, we should find a way of refusing to commit to something we do not want to do or cannot do.
How To Get Rid Of Nagging In Our Marriage
Nagging puts a lot of strain in marriages. Hurt, anger, irritation and the likes are likely results of nagging. If prolonged it could lead to resentment which builds a huge wall between us and our spouses. I have seen nagging drive men and women alike to a place where they loathe their spouses and avoid being with them like they should. Good news is, we can get rid of this unhealthy and destructive menace.
For The Spouse Feeling Nagged
Talk About It
If we feel pestered by the way our spouse communicates to us then we should let them know. We must note that the way we communicate it should not look like nagging, we must pick a fine time while we watch our tone, facial expression and body language.
Make Some Adjustments
It does take two to tango. Many times a laid back attitude towards things that matter to our spouses and/or home can result to our spouses nagging. While this is no excuse to nag, if we respond in a timely manner or communicate interest and willingness even while making it known that we will do it due time, it can help reduce and eliminate nagging from our homes.
Don’t Promise What You Are Not Up To
We should find a way of not committing to what we are incapable of doing. It is better to not commit ourselves than failing on a promise. The time and manner we do this is important in handling the situation of nagging.
Work On Emotions
Killing negative emotions can help us not to react to our spouses in a negative way even when they pester us. This can have a great effect on our spouses especially when they see that our reaction towards their nagging is different. Love always wins!
For The Nagging Spouse
Make The Changes
If our spouse complains of feeling nagged, we should not try to deny it, excuse or justify our actions. The best thing to do is to begin thinking of ways to stop pestering our spouses and find better ways of communicating in order for them to do the needful, and not just what we want them to do.
Be Aware That Nagging Kills Relationships
Nagging does not enhance relationships, it can build barriers to us enjoying our spouses and our marriages. If we want to enjoy a great relationship with our spouse we would do all that is needed to eliminate nagging from our home.
Find A Better Way Of Communicating
There are many ways to communicate and there are different ways to communicate to our spouses that make them feel respected and endears them to doing what is required. It is our responsibilities to discover these ways and we could ask them as well.
“Honey, how would you love me to tell you these things without getting you upset or making you feel nagged?”
And when we are told, we should do our very best to stick to it.
Avoid Insisting On The Impossible Or Things That Satisfy Our Selfish Motives
Selfishness is at the root of most marriage crises. Our demands from our spouses must be reasonable and achievable. We must make sure we do not insist that our spouses do things that are for our own selfish desires, motives or preferences.
Work On Emotions
Like I said in the beginning, intemperance is the reason we get irritated when our spouses are not doing what we want and it results to us complaining, persisting, insisting and finding faults without seeking to understand why they have not or are not doing what we want them to. So we must work on our emotions and fill ourselves with God’s word which is able to help us bridle our tongues and speak in a wise and loving manner to our spouses.
In summary, we must check our actions and inactions against the profound characteristics of love as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. If we can ensure that what we do or do not do aligns with these attributes of love then we will forever eliminate nagging from our lives and marriages. I have made these love attributes bold for emphasis in this article.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV
I hope we can find some helpful ideas in this article to stop nagging and help our spouses stop nagging.
Do you agree that nagging is a big deal?
Do you have other ways you think we should deal with it?
Is there something you would love other readers and I to know?
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2017
Sharing With: Messes To Message