How I Changed My Mind About My Mother
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How I Changed My Mind About My Mother

mother carrying baby on her back

How I Changed My Mind About My Mother

My Mother

My mother is a retired teacher, a strict disciplinarian and a no nonsense woman. She will not tolerate disrespect in whatever shape or form, not from her younger children to the older ones, and certainly not from any of her children to her.
She had canes for all six of us, according to our ages, and she never hesitated to use it to keep us in line, I guess that was the style she knew. She would not let you play as long as there were house chores or school work left undone. She will not let us go out of the house the way we liked, visit friends she knew nothing about or let us bring home friends she thought were inappropriate.
Her older children gave her little heartache compared to her skinny, light brown skinned and fragile looking last child who was a girl, and that girl was me. I was always too curious and adventurous to stay away from people, places and things she told me to keep away from. This earned me incessant spanks, discipline, extra chores and more.

I Did not Understand This Relationship

How could this woman who claimed to be my mother find it so easy spank me and watch me cry? How could she make me kneel, lift my hands and close my eyes at the same time and even when our favourite TV shows were on and everyone else was watching? How could she not let me play with my friends just because I forgot to avoided cleaning out the sink or finishing my home work? I did not understand this relationship, I even hated her… One day I told my Dad to tell me who my mother really was as I did not think the woman I lived with was really my mother…. I understood none of it….

I thought my mother was not my mother. Click To Tweet

I had no liberty to live my own life; I had no right to leave my room (which I shared with my two older sisters) or my side of the room the way I wanted it to be; it IS my room isn’t it? Why is she being so strict and prim and proper? I cannot even sit the way I wanted, I must sit up right with both legs jammed together like I was a robot. I must disappear from the living room after I greet visitor, even if one of my best TV shows was on, just because they had adult matters to discuss. Couldn’t I watch the show while they had their discussions, they mind their business while I mind mine listen and later divulge to all my siblings…? I didn’t quite get it. I didn’t understand why I had to have my bathe three times on week days and twice on weekends, does my body magnet dirt? I didn’t understand why my mother would do everything to make me miserable…
When I got born again of course my mind had changed towards her but it took something else to really bring it home for me…

The Birth Of A Mother

Fast forward to the day I gave birth to my first son… the day I was birthed myself… as a mother. It was like I had a mind or mental change. Suddenly a lot of things began to click as I pushed that tiny pink human out through my birth canal and held him in my arms. I began to understand…
As he grew older and his siblings came along, it all fell into place for me. All the boundaries, the corrections, the disciplinary actions, the spanking… they all made sense after I became a mother.
Sometimes I am amazed at how my boys want to go to bed without brushing their teeth or having their shower. I find myself getting angry when they run around playing when there is home work to be done and their assigned chores unattended.
How can they not understand it when we have visitors and need them to excuse us just because they have a movie to finish, even though they can always finish it later since it is a DVD?

Why don’t they understand it when I refuse to say “yes” to every one of their request and even call me a “No-No Machine to my face”?

Why do they not understand it when we refrain them from attending a Birthday Party because we felt the atmosphere would not be healthy for them? Why do they wonder at me and sometimes question why I tell them to cut down on the sugar, or maple syrup even though the bottles were still quite full? Why do they hate it when I in anger make all of them bear the consequence of something only one person did just because he refused to listen to them and they refused to report to their dad or me?

My Cry For Mercy

That day in the delivery room of National Hospital Abuja, that day when I became a mother, I asked God to forgive me for all the wrong I had done to my mother, for all the wrong thoughts I had thought, wrong words I had spoken and wrong actions I had taken against my mother. I apologized to my mother and began seeing her in a whole different light.

Mothers Are Angels

Though I disagree with some of her methods, her motives were pure. She wanted me to be the best and she was trying to teach me how they best way she knew how.
Mothers generally want the best for their children and love does include toughness, it includes setting boundaries, disciplinary actions… 

Motherhood is a tough task and mothers need to be praised, encouraged and supported. Click To Tweet

Mother Be Encouraged
Even if your children misunderstand your actions, do not be discouraged or even relent from doing all you know to do to make sure you follow God’s guide in parenting. They may not like it now, but believe me they would love you forever for not letting them run around in foolishness because they do not understand life and living quite like you do. God has put you in their lives as their guide and do not let the enemy deceive you into thinking you are not making any impact, YOU ARE! 

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galatians 6:9

It does not matter if you have a child who seems to be the number one rebel, don’t stop praying, loving, teaching, instructing and guiding. It may look like it is falling on deaf ears but keep on…You just make sure you do your very best according to God’s word and leave the rest to God. He knows how to turn hearts around. They are God’s blessings to you and His blessings add no sorrow.
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psalm 127:3

The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. Proverbs 10:22

Here’s to all mothers, Keep on keeping on, there is a reward in your assignment!

Soon To Be Mothers

If you are married and still waiting on God to become a mother, your wait is not in vain, He came through for Rachel, Rebekah, Hannah, Manoah’s wife, Elizabeth and Sarah, He will come through for you. He CANNOT lie, He is true to His word and cannot change! There are several testimonies of women who live today whom God has caused to rejoice as mothers, He will not leave you out. Hold on to Him and keep praising Him in advance.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord. Psalm 113:9

I join all my readers to pray that God will visit you and turn all your pain into joy in Jesus name, amen!

All Fathers And Children

Fathers please celebrate your wives and mothers, they are doing their best and need so much of your love, support and encouragement, with plenty of prayers.
Children, always know that your mother loves you, even though sometimes her methods may not seem right, her motive is love and the want for you to be the best you can be. Love her, appreciate her, pray for her… she is not perfect but your love, respect and prayers for her can cause changes you never imagined.

mother's day flowers

Can you share a bit of your story here?
Did you always understand your mother?
Are you understanding your mother better now that you are a mother?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2017

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Rowlanda Gbenedio
    Posted at 17:46h, 13 May

    Motherhood is beautiful and mother’s are the best, even when it doesn’t seem so. I bless God for my super strong mother .thank you mama for the beautiful article . Happy mother’s day to u too.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 20:35h, 14 May

      Mothers are the best indeed!
      Happy Mother’s Day Rowly!

  • Cheryl
    Posted at 00:09h, 13 May

    Dear friend, this is so good. I miss my dear mother SO much. God called her home to Heaven in 2012, and I don’t suppose you ever do stop missing them when they are gone. Thank you for this encouragement. None of us are perfect, but God knows we try the best we can, and this post gave me courage. Sending love to you, my sister.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 20:34h, 14 May

      No Cheryl, you never stop missing a loved one, how much more your Mother. Praise God we are not left to raise our children by ourselves, God leads us and guides us…
      Thanks for coming by, do have a super blessed evening!

  • Eunice Audu
    Posted at 18:48h, 11 May

    Beautiful article there. Mother’s deserves our best after God. The bowels of every woman yearns for the best for her children in terms of life output. Thank God for his mercies, by and large we get better understanding for their actions.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 21:02h, 11 May

      Yes ma! I did not understand it at all, until I became a mother and saw from her perspective.
      Thank you for coming by.
      Have a super blessed day ma!

  • Joann gonzalez
    Posted at 10:11h, 11 May

    Ugochi, What a beautiful article. Your mom may have done thing a little different but like you said she did the best she could for all of you. She was a wise wise woman. She knew so much more about life then her children as all adults do. Proverbs 22:6 says Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Someday your children will also understand and want to thank you. Once again thank you for your God given wisdom. Joann Gonzalez

    • Pst.James
      Posted at 18:51h, 11 May

      Whao!Great message for all.God bless you ma.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 21:10h, 11 May

      Yes indeed, as a child I didn’t realize my Mother knew and did the best she could, until I became a Mother myself.
      And I do believe what you have said about my children.
      Many many thanks Mom! I am always delighted to have you here to share with us.
      Have a super blessed evening Mom!