A lot of relationships fail because some basic things were not known by either or both parties before the relationship began or in good time during the relationship. When it comes to relationships, it is important to have a knowledge of certain seemingly insignificant but very important details about a person so that you can understand why they behave the way they do.
One of such things you must find out is whether the person you are in a relationship with is living with a broken heart. This is very key because there is one thing everyone whose heart is broken feels, they might not even know it, believe it or acknowledge it, but it is there.
Every heartbroken person feels pain.
Some Likely Results Of The Pain Of A Broken Heart
If you have ever been heartbroken by someone you love, you will agree with me that the pain is real. It feels like someone punched you in the stomach and knocked the wind out of your chest making it hard to breathe. People respond or react to this pain in several different ways.
- Some want to be by themselves while some might fall into depression.
- Some blame themselves and begin to think all kinds of negative thoughts which might lead to a feeling of low self worth.
- Some turn to all kinds of things for comfort; alcohol, random sex, drugs, food…
- Some men develop deep hatred, suspicion, and anger for the lady who broke their heart. The reverse is the case for some ladies.
- On the flip side, some jump into the arms of the very next man or lady they meet hoping to find healing and place unrealistic expectations on this person.
- Some others might try too hard to please the person because they are afraid of loosing him/her. They will agree to everything they say or do and do whatever they tell them even when they know they should not. They are in the relationships like dummies who have no opinion of their own.
How This Might Affect A Relationship
Being in a “love” relationship with someone whose heart just got broken, or someone who has not healed from a broken heart of sometime past can be a challenging experience.
- The person might want to get back at the person who hurt him/her by hurting you. Yes, this happens… they might lead you on to believing they are with you while all the time they see the person who hurt them in you.
- He/she might find it hard to trust you. They think in their minds that you would treat them like the one who broke their heart, so they find it difficult to believe your thoughts, words or actions.
- This person might be looking to you to heal his/heart. Which is clearly something you or anybody else cannot do. This makes them have unrealistic expectations from you and place some really high demands on you, putting you under so much stress in the relationship.
- If you are in a relationship with one who has a broken heart, you might find that this person perhaps due to the heartbreak now battles low self esteem always looks to you for affirmation and/or has developed an unhealthy pride in a bid to stop you from thinking they are nothing.
- When a person is in a relationship and tries too hard to please you all the time, agrees to everything you say or do, do whatever you want them to, act like a dummy in the relationship without ever having an opinion of their own… they might be afraid of loosing you like they lost the other person. This is not healthy because then, you are dealing with the real person they are and when the real person shows up, the relationship might not survive the shock.
- This person might also never really give you all of him/her. They withhold a lot of them from you because they are afraid of giving all so they will avoid another heart break.
All of the above will not always be the resultant of pain from a broken heart all the time but it does play out sometimes. I therefore advice that if you experience any or some of these in your relationship, you should take time to know what exactly is going on.
Now, if you are not even sure God wants you in, do not let pity or what others might think or say make you stay in a relationship with a person who is relating with you from the remains of a broken heart, who will not admit it or seek/trust God for healing. If you cannot handle all the drama that comes from this kind of person now, you will not be able to after marriage.
You Can Help Though
If you are sure that God’s approval is on the relationship you would be prepared to stand, walk and work with God and the person you are seeing, to deal with the issues while trusting God to bring healing to his/her heart.
When you talk with this person and get the understanding that some of their attitudes are consequences of their pain, then you would better know how to respond to them.
My opinion is to love them; without enabling them in the negative ways (as mentioned in the beginning) they are dealing with the pain. You must make sure they take all the necessary steps towards receiving healing. For us believers there is no better place to start than asking God to bring them healing. They should;
- Study God’s word on hurt, offence and forgiveness and let go of the past and embrace the new God is offering them.
- Understand who they are in Christ and refuse to see themselves from the perspective of their pain, hurt and past relationship.Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 ESV
For The Brokenhearted
God can heal your heart if you will call on Him and give Him your heart in its broken state.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 ESV
If you just got brokenhearted or you have a heart that is not healed from being broken, it is best to heal in your heart before venturing into another relationship or you will cause pain. Hurting people end up hurting others, so make sure to deal with the pain, go get help if necessary so that the next time you love someone you would love them right even though some else “loved” you wrong.
I read this quote and thought to share it here;
“Anger and bitterness are two noticeable signs of being focused on self and not trusting God’s sovereignty in your life. When you believe that God causes all things to work together for good to those who belong to Him and love Him, you can respond to trials with joy instead of anger or bitterness.” ~ John C. Boger
I know that sometimes God sends a broken person to some people. But it is important for you to know that you CANNOT heal any heart, so you must make sure to know that God truly is the author of the relationship or it will cause nothing but heart ache and pain. In all, you must know and understand what exactly it is you are dealing with.
Have you encountered a brokenhearted person before?
How did you handle it?
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2017
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