17 Nov Marriage And Selfishness.
In this series where I have been writing on some problematic issues in marriage, I have written on Addiction and In-Laws so far. Today I want to write a little on selfishness.
Selfishness means caring about one’s self, pleasure, welfare and well-being without regard for or consideration another person.
I seriously consider selfishness as one of the foundational root cause of the problems we face in marriage. It is the reason we argue, fight, resent, refuse to forgive, hold back….
Synonyms of selfish according to vocabulary.com include;
- egocentric, egoistic, egoistical, self-centered, self-centred
limited to or caring only about yourself and your own needs
lacking regard for the rights or feelings of others
- stingy, ungenerous
unwilling to spend
- egotistic, egotistical, narcissistic, self-loving
characteristic of those having an inflated idea of their own importance
- self-seeking, self-serving
interested only in yourself
Any or more of those attributes describe what it means to be selfish. Some people might be selfish without really knowing it. But your spouse will definitely note when everything must be about you…
Many people get married when there is really no room for another person in their hearts. Click To Tweet
Their reason for marrying their husbands or wives is purely for what they can get; care, attention, sex, money. When it should be more of the desire to better their spouse’s life.
Every decision or choice they make in the marriage must be to their advantage. Anything that requires them to make sacrifices or endure a little discomfort is refused and kicked at.
Some have mastered manipulating their spouses into thinking a proposal of what they should do is for the benefit of the marriage when in truth, it is for their selfish motives, or benefits.
They kick against anything that does not profit them as an individual even if it will be for the best of their marriage and home.
Meanwhile God commands the exact opposite:
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4 ESV
Marriages will enjoy unimaginable bliss if every wife and every husband will always think of the interest of their spouse and marriage above their own interest. We cannot keep thinking of ourselves only when we are joined with someone in marriage.
We must challenge ourselves.
We must ensure that everything we want to say or do will be for the benefit of our marriages and homes not just for ourselves only. We must make adequate room in our hearts for our spouses.
If every husband and every wife takes on this challenge, most marital problems would be solved.
We need help.
Man was born into sin, and that sinful nature has in it a selfish nature. How ever every born again Christian has been born into the righteousness that is of God in Christ Jesus. If we yield ourselves completely to God, we can by the power of The Holy Spirit conquer the flesh and its lusts.
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Galatians 5:16 ESV
For sin shall not [any longer] exert dominion over you, since now you are not under Law [as slaves], but under grace [as subjects of God’s favour and mercy]. Romans 6:14 AMP
We can love like God commands, we can manifest all the attributes of love.
…Love cares more for others than for self… 1 Corinthians 13:4 MSG
We can enjoy peace and bliss in our homes, we can, we realize and agree that it's not all about us. Click To Tweet
When a man or woman thinks of his/her spouse, considering his or her spouse’s welfare in every decision made or step took, then peace and joy will fill such marriage and home.
Challenge yourself today, make deliberate efforts not to say or do anything without considering how it affects your spouse. Make sure whatever you do will be for the well-being of your spouse and marriage, even if you have to make sacrifices…
Will you accept the challenge?
Will you live selflessly in your marriage?
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Cheryl SmithPosted at 06:45h, 23 November
I love the love chapter in I Corinthians 13…the description there of love is so impeccable. I think pity for the other person and their needs is a huge component of love. Feeling that empathy…wanting what is best for our husbands…that is the key. You hit the nail on the head here, sister. Love and appreciate you!
Ugochi OritsejolomisanPosted at 11:26h, 23 November
Empathy IS really key I believe, it will change everything in our homes.
lucasPosted at 22:17h, 19 November
Ugochi, Thanks for this great write up and I think it will correct alot of mistakes in a relationship for both parties. This post has impacted my life n I will put it to practice n I make sure I give my partner the best n not for myself alone.
Ugochi OritsejolomisanPosted at 11:33h, 23 November
Praise God bro! I am glad it is a blessing!
Have a super blessed week!
BethPosted at 16:30h, 18 November
I was thinking about this very issue the other day, Ugochi. I thought more in terms of “growing up” in marriage rather than selfishness, but it’s essentially the same thing. Many enter into marriage like they are still children and never choose to grow up. But then there are those who realize the great potential for “iron sharpening iron” that forges their maturity into one that is giving, sacrificial and anything but selfish. We need to be grateful for the way our marriages purge that selfishness from our lives and quit resisting or resenting it. Thanks so much for approaching this very important topic, my friend. You always find such great areas in marriage to explore!
Ugochi OritsejolomisanPosted at 14:41h, 23 November
We do think alike A LOT Beth, I SHOULD meet you.
God can do a purging in us if we let Him.
Living selfless lives will bring about a lot of changes in our lives and marriages.
Many thanks for coming by, do have a super blessed week!
Victor Ake TheophilusPosted at 21:37h, 17 November
Hey, you have nice contents here, am also a christian blogger and will wish if we share our blogs and be an acquaintance to each other
Ugochi OritsejolomisanPosted at 13:29h, 18 November
Praise God, please send a private mail so we can talk some more!