Marriage And In-Laws. - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Marriage And In-Laws.

Marriage And In-Laws.

Like I said a few weeks ago, I want to take a few posts to discuss some issues that cause problems in marriages. Last time, I wrote on Dealing With Addiction In marriage. You can read it here.

This week I write about in-laws… yes in-laws.

I do not know how it is in other continents, but in my continent Africa, In-Laws can be a very major issue. I have in my office, sat across men and women whose homes are being rocked by in-laws. I know this is largely because clear boundaries were not set from the beginning.
Some in-laws find it difficult to keep a healthy distance from their married relatives, they interfere in ways that are unreasonable, causing pain, unhappiness and distress for their relative’s spouse or the couple.

I have been blessed with great in-laws who have given me no hassles and I am grateful for that. Click To Tweet

But I have heard terrible stories of what some have done.

For example.
A mother walks into her son’s home and wants to run the home. She wants to plan/cook meals, she wants to decide what school the children should attend, she wants to be in every discussion her son has with his spouse. She barges into the couple’s bedroom without warning or knocking. Some insist on being bought the exact same thing their son buys for his wife.
Some mothers also want to control their daughters from wherever they are. They insist they run their homes like they ran theirs, whether or not their marriages are successful. They want to know all that goes on in their daughters home, giving them counsel that goes against the agreement they have with their husbands.

Even though this is more common with mothers, some fathers are also harmful intruders. They think because they went through some stuff raising their child they should rule them even in marriage and this produces wrong words and actions that threaten their child’s marriage.

Some people walk into their relatives home and become a pain. Click To Tweet

They disrespect their relative’s spouse, treat him/her like garbage. They become informants to the other family members, telling them everything going on in the home, destroying the image of their relative’s spouse and inciting other family members against their relative’s spouse.

Why do they do this?

  • Some think they love their relative and know better how to love him/her than their spouse.
  • Some cannot gain access into their relative’s purse and they blame it all on his/her spouse.
  • Some are control freaks and must have things the way the want or perceive it should be.
  • Some cannot deal with the kind of love they see between their relative and his/her spouse, something they wish they had but don’t.
  • Some for whatever reason, do not like their relative’s spouse and do everything to let him/her know.
  • Some are just ignorant of what their actions and inactions are doing to their relatives and their spouses.

How do we end this?
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6 ESV

  • First, we must recognise that our marriages and homes are second to no other relationship.
  • We must refuse to let anyone or thing come between us.
  • Couples must make up their minds not to allow any relative; mother, father, sister, brother or any other become a source of misery to them and their marriage.
  • We must never take a stand with our relatives against our spouse in our relatives’ presence.
  • There must be clear boundaries evident to our relatives as it touches our marriages and homes.
  • We must cover up our spouse’s inadequacies while we work with them to be strengthened in such areas, instead of exposing them to our relatives.

And more importantly…

  • We must refuse to see our in-laws as enemies.
  • We must allow our love for God and our spouses flow out to them.
  • We must never stop praying for them, our prayers can cause a change in them.
  • We must make sure that we respect them and give them the honour due them.
  • We must make sure that we are not causing them pain ourselves.

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 ESV

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8 ESV

But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! Matthew 5:44 NLT

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. Luke 6:27

Love never fails… 1 Corinthians 13:8 AMP

I know some in-laws can be very difficult but with the right measures in place we can stop them from causing harm to our marital relationships, while we make sure we do not harbour hatred, unforgiveness, or vindictiveness in our hearts for them.

We can make and be the change in their lives!

Are you having in-law problems?
Did this help?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2015
Image-only Credit: Wallpapers

Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Pyswk
    Posted at 11:47h, 16 January

    It feels like you have seen my family, my in-laws… I’m terribly frustrated,mentally over disturb.. having a toxic in-law is like hell..

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 20:03h, 20 January

      Don’t be frustrated. For every challenge we face there is a solution. If you take the time to look to the God who lives in you, you will find THE WAY out.

  • Jonathan Ndaka
    Posted at 05:25h, 23 July

    Once had a very serious case that resulted in termination of the marriage. Deeply regret it since it wasn’t my plan. God has blessed me again with very supportive in laws.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 14:08h, 28 July

      So sorry about your first. Praise God, this one has come to last!

  • Pingback:Marriage And Selfishness. : Teshuva
    Posted at 09:26h, 18 November

    […] where I have been writing on some problematic issues in marriage, I have written on Addiction and In-Laws so far. Today I want to write a little on […]

  • Cheryl Smith
    Posted at 05:31h, 13 November

    Oh, my, this is SO true! So much wisdom here, sister. 🙂

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 21:18h, 17 November

      Glory to God! Many thanks Cheryl!
      Have a super blessed day!

  • Tissy
    Posted at 18:46h, 11 November

    I enjoyed reading this article. I’m not married yet but I have seen such problems in my family. I am praying to start a new legacy with my family and my future husbands family.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 13:58h, 12 November

      I can imagine Tissy, God will grant your desires.
      Do have a super blessed day.

  • Beth
    Posted at 18:54h, 08 November

    Such sound wisdom, Ugochi. I have incredible in-laws as well, but saw my mother being criticized and condemned by her mother-in-law. It had a profound affect on me and is something I’m trying to avoid at all costs now that I am a mother-in-law. Thanks for always tackling the issues that matter and impact us in marriage, Ugochi, with such great and godly wisdom. Much needed!

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 13:57h, 12 November

      That is so sad Beth. I also always desire to be the best mother-in-law there is.
      Thanks Beth, do have a super blessed day!