When couples get caught in the heat of an argument, and allow anger to fly off the handle, there is very high tendency that the tongue would set off very strong and heart wrenching words and if left any longer without caution from one or both spouses, words that can cause serious damage to the relationship will be let out because in anger there is no wisdom and in foolishness, thoughts are neither right nor coordinated and immediate gratification without thoughts of consequence is in play.
When anger is encouraged by one or both spouses, angry and battering words ensue and the damages done by those words most times take a painfully long time to deal with, that is, if the couple will be willing to deal with them.
Below are some of the words I have come to know hurt couples, words they tend to hold on to, words they seem to remember and recount on different occasions.
- When will you ever learn?
- You are just good for nothing!
- What was I thinking when I married you?
- I told you so, (Especially with an attitude).
- You are irritating.
- I wish I never met you.
- You are such a fool!
- So and so (my ex) would never do a thing like that.
- I cannot forgive you for this one.
- Your family is annoying.
- Why can’t you be like that woman or that man?
- My life was better without you.
- You have brought me nothing but misery.
- I want a divorce!
- I was happier without you.
- You need to go learn how to treat your spouse (with an attitude).
- Your parents didn’t raise you right, that’s why you behave so badly towards me.
- Your parents didn’t model a good marriage to you, no wonder we have to go through all of this.
- What will you ever do right in your life?
- You are the greatest mistake I have ever made in life.
- I should have known you will end up like your parent(s).
- I hate you!
- I should have listened better to God, I am sure He didn’t want me to marry you.
- When will you grow up to your responsibilities in this home?
- Don’t touch me with those filthy sorry hands of yours!
- You will not amount to much.
- Shut your dirty mouth!
- I wish we didn’t have children, they are the only reason I’m still here.
- I really do not need you.
The words above and many more can cause irreparable damages to marriages. Hurtful words can affect the self-esteem of a couple and leave them feeling broken and unworthy, angry and revenge seeking. No body will be able to live successfully and happily with a broken or crushed person.
A wise man or woman who senses tempers flaring could just “remember something” and dash off to another room or suddenly “feel pressed” and ask to use the toilet, say a quick prayer while in there, spend a “little” time, flush the toilet and generally make an attempt to douse the angry atmosphere in order to avoid a clash of words.
Filling the heart with the right thoughts and words will be the best antidote to speaking hurtful words no matter the pressure.
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11 ESV
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 AMP
…for his(her) mouth speaks from the overflow of his heart. Luke 6:45 AMP
Couples should learn to talk over issues in a calm and understanding manner. Reminding themselves that they are trying to find a solution to and not compound the problems.
The impact of words, good or bad cannot be over emphasised, when we refuse to deal with our hearts and words we set our marriages up for jeopardy.
In the same sense, the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See [by comparison] how great a forest is set on fire by a small spark! James 3:5 AMP
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles. Proverbs 21:23
There are those who speak rashly, like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 AMP
A gentle tongue [with its healing power] is a tree of life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit. Proverbs 15:4 AMP
Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. James 1:19 AMP
Do you need to clean your heart of hurtful words?
I know this list is not exhaustive, what would you add?
Copyright© Teshuva 2015
Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday