Words No One Should Say To Their Spouse. - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Words No One Should Say To Their Spouse.

14 Sep Words No One Should Say To Their Spouse.

Posted at 14:54h in Married Circle by
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When couples get caught in the heat of an argument, and allow anger to fly off the handle, there is very high tendency that the tongue would set off very strong and heart wrenching words and if left any longer without caution from one or both spouses, words that can cause serious damage to the relationship will be let out because in anger there is no wisdom and in foolishness, thoughts are neither right nor coordinated and immediate gratification without thoughts of consequence is in play.

When anger is encouraged by one or both spouses, angry and battering words ensue and the damages done by those words most times take a painfully long time to deal with, that is, if the couple will be willing to deal with them.

Careless, angry words can send a marriage crumbling very fast… Click To Tweet

Below are some of the words I have come to know hurt couples, words they tend to hold on to, words they seem to remember and recount on different occasions.

  • When will you ever learn?
  • You are just good for nothing!
  • What was I thinking when I married you?
  • I told you so, (Especially with an attitude).
  • You are irritating.
  • I wish I never met you.
  • You are such a fool!
  • So and so (my ex) would never do a thing like that.
  • I cannot forgive you for this one.
  • Your family is annoying.
  • Why can’t you be like that woman or that man?
  • My life was better without you.
  • You have brought me nothing but misery.
  • I want a divorce!
  • I was happier without you.
  • You need to go learn how to treat your spouse (with an attitude).
  • Your parents didn’t raise you right, that’s why you behave so badly towards me.
  • Your parents didn’t model a good marriage to you, no wonder we have to go through all of this.
  • What will you ever do right in your life?
  • You are the greatest mistake I have ever made in life.
  • I should have known you will end up like your parent(s).
  • I hate you!
  • I should have listened better to God, I am sure He didn’t want me to marry you.
  • When will you grow up to your responsibilities in this home?
  • Don’t touch me with those filthy sorry hands of yours!
  • You will not amount to much.
  • Shut your dirty mouth!
  • I wish we didn’t have children, they are the only reason I’m still here.
  • I really do not need you.

The words above and many more can cause irreparable damages to marriages. Hurtful words can affect the self-esteem of a couple and leave them feeling broken and unworthy, angry and revenge seeking. No body will be able to live successfully and happily with a broken or crushed person.

A wise man or woman who senses tempers flaring could just “remember something” and dash off to another room or suddenly “feel pressed” and ask to use the toilet, say a quick prayer while in there, spend a “little” time, flush the toilet and generally make an attempt to douse the angry atmosphere in order to avoid a clash of words.

Most importantly…
Filling the heart with the right thoughts and words will be the best antidote to speaking hurtful words no matter the pressure.

I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11 ESV

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 AMP

…for his(her) mouth speaks from the overflow of his heart. Luke 6:45 AMP

Couples should learn to talk over issues in a calm and understanding manner. Reminding themselves that they are trying to find a solution to and not compound the problems.

Dialogue with sincere and wise hearts looking for solution could make the difference couples desire to see. Click To Tweet

The impact of words, good or bad cannot be over emphasised, when we refuse to deal with our hearts and words we set our marriages up for jeopardy.

In the same sense, the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See [by comparison] how great a forest is set on fire by a small spark! James 3:5 AMP

Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.  Proverbs 21:23

There are those who speak rashly, like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 AMP

A gentle tongue [with its healing power] is a tree of life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit. Proverbs 15:4 AMP

Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. James 1:19 AMP

Do you need to clean your heart of hurtful words?
I know this list is not exhaustive, what would you add?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2015
Update 

Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
teshuva7@gmail.com

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

15 Comments
  • Godwin
    Posted at 09:36h, 07 November

    This Post is straight to the point and has well outlined most of the phrases which must be avoided by not only couples but also the singles.
    This is a must read for all couples

  • Olu-Johnson
    Posted at 13:29h, 12 October

    Thank God, What an Eye opener… May God multiply His grace upon you. Let couples makes their Homes a GOOD abode for God to dwell. Watch what U SAY, DO and how U react to issues in your homes.
    Shalom.

  • Ike Ani
    Posted at 09:21h, 27 September

    Wow! These points are so expository and nailing to the truth. Even though am not married yet but I do believe those words must be avoided as we are all human and hence have feelings that can be hurt by harsh words such as those mentioned in this post.

  • Beth
    Posted at 18:44h, 16 September

    I’m so glad that you spelled out some of these hurtful phrases, Ugochi. We can excuse ourselves in the heat of the moment, but to see the destructive nature in print–black and white–before our eyes makes it harder to deny. And I love how you’re asking us to combat this with God’s word. That’s the most powerful antidote to a critical spirit and foul mouth that I know! Thanks for this wisdom, my friend. I hope you and your hubby have a wonderful week!

  • Mary Dolan Flaherty
    Posted at 13:23h, 16 September

    While many of us may read that list and say, “I’d never say those things to my spouse!” if we read between the lines, we might need to confess that we say those things all the time—just in a more indirect way. I may not say, “You are such a fool!” But I do mutter under my breath, “Why is this counter always sticky? Why can’t “people” just clean up after themselves?” Translate: You are such a fool. We need to be wise with our words–what we flat out say, and what we imply by muttering loudly enough for “people” to hear. Great scripture back up, Ugochi.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 13:13h, 21 September

      Thanks Mary!
      It is all in the thoughts as well, they always translate to words.. or actions.

  • Mary Geisen
    Posted at 13:49h, 16 September

    Thank you for speaking such truth into all of us today. Many people do not weigh the harm their words can inflict and in anger just let them fly out at any cost. Your list of hurtful words are said more often than people might imagine and there is little or no remorse when they are said. I’m so glad to be your neighbor at Messy Marriage today. Hope you are doing well.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 13:14h, 21 September

      Yes Mary, we all ought to always weigh our words and fill in with the right ones.
      Have a super blessed day!
      Love

  • Gilbert
    Posted at 13:02h, 16 September

    Hello Mrs. Ugochi, that a very good guidance…. I am really encouraged by your article…Please talk also about how to have a healthy love relationships… Thanks.. Nyc time.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 13:12h, 21 September

      Praise God bro!
      If you search the blog you might just find some.

  • 'Lara
    Posted at 20:38h, 15 September

    These are really horrible words and it is sad people actually say this to their spouse.