The world is too fast these days and lots of “good things” have turned out to become a problem for couples due to carelessness or carefreeness.
Marriage is primarily for companionship. A companion is someone who you spend a lot of time with. In marriage as in any relationship, couples MUST spend good and great times together for their relationship to grow and get essentially intimate… the process of becoming one cannot be effectively initiated and sustained when they do not spend time in company of each other without distractions. Just like we cannot be joined as one with God if we do not spend time ample and quality time with Him.
Below are some of the things I consider as disturbances of quality times for couples.
1. The Internet.
Right now this is the most major culprit. It is bad if husbands and wives get on the internet too often that they hardly engage in meaningful conversations, sharing their hearts with each other.
No matter what it is you are doing on the internet, if it robs you and your spouse of quality time together, if it hinders a free flow of communication, if it steals relaxation time from you and your spouse, time you could use to BE with each other, cuddle up together and maybe just listen to each others hearts beat.. yes I can be like that… then it is way too much.
Talk about it if you see the internet is depriving you time and affecting your relationship and then… Cut it out!
2. Phone Conversations.
There are times when those phone calls are extremely important, but if you are in the middle of quality time, conversation, relaxation with your spouse and a call is coming through for you, a call you can handle later…
Call or send a text and let the caller know you are in a very important meeting and would get back to him/her later. Or better still… switch off or silence your phone!
Any friendship that steals time away from you and your spouse should be checked. Never allow time spent with friends rob you from time you ought to spend with your ‘best friend’.
Many time husbands and their wives allow their friendships become a source of concern for their spouses, they forget to remember that when they get married, hanging out with friends should be done without detriment to their marriage and in agreement with their spouses.
When you begin to spend more time with friends than your spouse it interferes with the health of your marital relationship.
Evaluate time spent with friends and make necessary changes if need be!
Some people are so devoted to their TV shows that when their spouses demand attention they hardly take their eyes of the screen. Sometimes, even what we perceive as silly, unimportant or can-wait is very important to our spouses, besides, sometime they might forget to bring it up later and you lose what might have been an important information or conversation.
We all ought to prioritize and wise up to the fact that anything that will not enhance our relationship will eventually kill it.
Train yourself to take your eyes off the screen and pay heed to your spouse on demand. It makes him/her feel more important to you than whats on TV.
We all have to work to put to provide for family. But when the work puts a gulf in the family then what is the essence? We must strive to put work where it belongs and our spouses and children where they belong.
A simple sitting down and thinking through will give us ideas on how we can do our work and still ensure our spouses are not denied or starved of our presence and relationship.
So pull out your thinking cap, engage The Holy Spirit and draw a plan.
Our children are not meant to be included here truthfully, but some of us have included them by our actions and inactions. Yes, our children our blessings, yes, they demand and deserve our attention, yes, we should give them all the love and attention they need, and yes, if we do not manage them wisely, we can allow them to hinder the growth of our relationship with our spouse.
Some marriages have packed up when the children came in because one couple ignored their spouses while giving all attention to the children.
We must learn to intentionally plan and prepare for dates with our spouses alone. It does not have to cost any money; a walk within our neighbourhoods, movie nights after we have sent the children to bed, a sit out in the lawn or in a park… If you want to spend cash for your dates, hey, why not!
Please give your children all the attention they need while ensuring you do not deny your spouse his/her desired attention.
Never forget that marriage is primarily for companionship:
Then the Lord God said, “I see that it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make the companion he needs, one just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 (ERV)
A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. Proverbs 24:3 (NLT)
Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Ephesians 5:17 (NLT)
Are there any more ditsractions or disturbances you can think of?
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