02 Mar 6 Deadly Love Mufflers.
Love is the most important ingredient for a blissful home because God is love (1 John 4:8). Where love is, God is, and where God is, failure is out of sight. Any home where love is lacking becomes a torment to everyone member of that family because God’s absence means darkness, emptiness and torment.
It becomes extremely important that we do everything to fan love in our marriages in order to experience a continual bliss. I share below what things we must avoid in order to prevent love from being muffled, dampened, deadened, hushed or stifled in our marriages.
1. Unexpressed love.
When love is not expressed or perhaps not expressed in the love language of your spouse, it could muffle the love in his or her heart. Most people I know love to hear their spouse tell them in a very affectionate manner, ‘I love you’.
Yet some others like yours truly, love it more when expressed with hugs, touches, cuddles…
When a spouse is not getting the ‘show of love’ like he or she desires, it might muffle love in the marriage.
Learn to communicate your love for your spouse in the language he or she understands, they way it makes sense to him/her.
2. Lack of care and/or concern.
Another muffler of love is a lack of concern or care between couples or when it is lopsided in a marriage.
How do you react when your spouse shares a concern? Do you give the attention required, ask questions to better understand, show empathy when needed? Or do you keep a straight face and give a cold or indifferent response?
Someone recently said to me; “I mentioned a headache and my spouse just said, ‘ go see a doctor’.”
When this is a constant occurrence, it does not enhance, encourage or grow love in a marriage.
Get over yourself and show care and concern for and about every thing your spouse tells you. Render help and assistance when, for instance, your spouse trips, falls, or hurts him or her self. Some people are not good at this, maybe because of background or life experiences, but with conscious and constant practice one can get good at it.
3. Broken trust.
Whenever trust is questioned in a marriage, the marriage is already at risk. Married couples must ensure sincerity, transparency and integrity in their relationship with their spouse. If for any reason a mistake is made, the offending spouse must own up, apologise and seek for ways to build up trust again, no airs, no pride.
On the flip side, when a wife or husband breaks trust and asks for forgiveness and the hurt spouse dwells on the issue long enough, and begins viewing his or her spouse from the perspective of the error committed, it would do a major damage on the trust in the marriage. And where there is no trust, nothing holds.
Be sorry, apologise and turn around and away from doing it again.
Forgive, believe, open your heart to trust again.
Like I often say, ‘secrets do not nurture trust at all!’ Whenever your spouse gets information he or she should have heard from you from somewhere else, it can send off an alarm in his or her head.
Be as open to your spouse as possible, never hold back any information about you and what you are doing from your spouse. Except you want to pleasantly surprise your spouse you must do everything to ensure he or she gets to know things about you from you, not a third party.
5. Unresolved conflicts.
This one here is a slow and steady love muffler of love. When married couples constantly sweep issues under the carpet instead of talking them over and resolving them to the point where they are no longer issues, it hinders and muffles love in the marriage.
It is like covering up a wound in assumption that because it is covered it no longer exists. The wound will get infected, and cause more harm than when exposed to medication and healing.
Always, always talk about every issue, no one is too little to ignore. If it hurts your husband or wife then it is important for discussion. Never assume that because it is trivial to you it is the same for your spouse. We are not all the same and whatever matters to your spouse should matter to you.
Also, always discuss issues for mutual understanding with the quest for solutions, not in quest to prove one’s wrong or right.
6. A disconnect from God.
When we break fellowship with God, we muffle love in our lives and homes. Unsteady spiritual growth, a decline in our pursuit of God, or a complete negligence of God and His word would muffle love. Where the love of God in our hearts is muffled, it will have a direct impact in our marriages.
God is Love. As long as we stay connected to God, fellowshipping with Him, studying His word and observing to do them, we will hardly muffle love in our marriages.
Owe no one anything, except to love each other… Romans 13:8 (ESV)
May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. 1 Thessalonians 3:12 (NIV)
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2015
Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday