27 Jan Why Your Spouse Won’t Support Your Dream.
SUPPORT, something we all need in almost every area of our lives. From academics to our work, parenting, business, relationships, family matters, decision making, dreams and aspirations…
We all need support, especially from those who are close to us, those who we believe should understand us most, those who we look up to the most for encouragement.
In marriage this is especially true since couples are supposed to be each other’s helper. But often times our spouses may fail to support our dreams, visions, aspirations… This can be very confusing, annoying and frustrating. I had a discussion along this line recently and began to brood over it, the result is what you are about to read.
Why in the world will men and women not support their spouses’ dreams? Click To Tweet
It may be due to one or more of the following reasons:
1. No idea it is needed.
Assumption can be very misleading. Couples should always communicate, ask questions, inform, clarify, rather than take a presumptuous position. You may be surprised to know that your spouse did not know you need support, maybe thought you are doing very well on your own, or might not have a clue as to how to come in.
Let your spouse know that you are expecting his or her support and possible ways you might be needing it.
You do not have, because you do not ask. James 4:2 (AMP)
2. No Common Ground.
A difference in beliefs and values might pose a big problem, narrowing perspectives and causing some people to completely disagree with their spouses on certain pursuits.
I believe there is nothing impossible with God. See Luke 1:37 Take it to God in prayer and patiently wait for a window and a turn around.
The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as are the watercourses; He turns it whichever way He wills. Proverbs 21:1 (AMP)
3. No buy in.
Sometimes they just don’t get it! Why would you want to do something like that? Are there no better things to do? Why would you want to invest precious time and money into something like this? Isn’t this going to be too stressful? Would it not be too time consuming and cut a big chunk out of your time for family? Who would it benefit anyway? How will it add to our marriage and family?
You need to “sell” your big idea and dream to your spouse and make sure you paint a very clear picture of the whys, how, whens, and wheres…
Once it is understood and bought into, getting support from your spouse shouldn’t be a problem.
The Lord answered me, “Write down what I show you. Write it clearly on a sign so that the message will be easy to read. Habakuk 2:2 (ERV)
4. You are not capable.
My husband AND I know that I am not business inclined at all, I would probably spend both capital and profit on running the home and charity causes. People are gifted in different areas for different purposes.
If you share a dream that does not draw from your areas of strength with your spouse, they might not buy into it or give you the needed support. They believe it would be a waste of time and money because you CANNOT work it.
Now, I know there maybe some hidden talents in you God might want to exhibit by placing The Dream in your heart, even though your spouse might have no insight to that ability. Your confidence that It is a God Dream must come to play.
When you know for sure you are not making a mistake, then get the required training to rub and shine on the gift in you so can exude confidence and your confidence might convince your spouse.
For by You I can run upon a troop; And by my God I can leap over a wall. Psalms 18:29 (AMP)
This happens especially where there is no trust.
“If this “thing” works, and you get famous or very rich, where exactly will that leave me?”
“Will you be able to handle this plus the family?”
“Will I still be worth anything to you?”
“Will this not expose you too much to the opposite sex and severe temptations?”
“Will you have time for me?”
“Will you be there for me?”
You must dig deep into your spouse’s heart, especially if you have expressed your need for support and you still do not get it. Find out why and trust God for a sincere answer.
For some who might know there are trust issues, find a way to reassure your spouse of your commitment to him/her and your marriage. And then talk to and trust God to speak to him/her.
Love never fails… 1 Corinthians 13:8 (AMP)
Hurting people always hurt people. Sometimes a grievance may induce someone to ignore or withdraw encouragement for his or her spouse in pursuit of their dreams. When there is unresolved conflicts in a marriage, a lot of love and support might be withheld.
Find the best way to cause your spouse to open up to you to find out if there is anything you are doing or have done to hurt him/her. Apologise and let him/her know that you are truly sorry and would sincerely want him/her to be part of what you are doing.
…be at peace and live in harmony with one another. Mark 9:50 (AMP)
There is a solution to every problem, the key thing is to find a way to get the desired support from your spouse, it is ALWAYS better when couples are in agreement with each other.
Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; Ecclesiastes 4:9 (AMP)
There are definitely many more reasons why some people will not support their spouses’ dreams and ambitions. I just put down the ones that came to mind.
Can you think of another reason why some people will not support their spouses’ dreams?
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2015
Photo Credit: Amaturems
Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday
BethPosted at 18:29h, 28 January
I am reading this, Ugochi, through the grid of–not my marriage or spouse–but in view of our senior pastor. My husband is one of many pastors at our church. We’ve been there 13, almost 14 years, and yet the dreams and visions my husband and I have do not typically get the green light from the main pastor. I’m not complaining, just stating how it is and this gives me greater insight into how he may feel. Thanks so much for your wisdom, my friend! I truly appreciate it!
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 22:43h, 28 January
I am so glad Beth, that this has made shed some light on the situation.
Thanks very much for coming by and leaving your encouragement once again.
Have a super blessed day!
Mary GeisenPosted at 12:17h, 28 January
What I love about this post is that you are living your life and based on your experiences you were able to compile this list as to why your spouse won’t support your dream. Your first point of “no idea that it is needed” is probably the one that I have run across the most. Women think many things but them assume that the spouse will just intuitively know what we are thinking. Thank you for this post! Visiting you from Beth’s today!
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 13:41h, 28 January
Thanks so much for coming by Mary. I really do appreciate it.
You are correct, some people are given to assumptions rather than communicating their thoughts.
While I share a lot of my personal experiences here, this one is not one of my experiences but observances made as a minister while I counsel.