09 Sep Why Marriages fail
It has now become a not so big of a deal when divorce occurs, with the way I have personally witnessed the collapse of marriages for issues ranging from not serious at all to very serious, I am beginning to think that the rising statistics of divorce is not being exacerbated at all. What is happening to marriages? Is it a lack of love, resentment, disregard of wedding vows or impatience?Why would a seemingly happy couple suddenly lose taste for each other, going from the love that once raced their heartbeats to complete dislike for each other? What suddenly rocks the boat of their marriage, is it even a sudden occurrence?
Judging from personal and witnessed experiences, I would like to highlight some of the chief causes of the failure of countless homes at this time, even when there is so much awareness on how we can keep our marriages together and in top shape.
In my opinion, this comes first on the list.
According to dictionary.com Selfishness is being devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
Many times couples get blinded by their own desires that they push until they get want they want regardless of how their spouses feel or what their spouses think about it. They do not consider how it might affect their spouses or marriage; they just want to have their desires fulfilled. This gives rise to the many ills marriages suffer.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10 (NIV)
Learn to remember that your marriage is not about you only, and begin to put your husband or wife into consideration when making any decision. Whether or not you think it might bother them.
Don’t be selfish. Philippians 2:3A (TLB)
2. Bitterness And Resentment.
This is the result anger and grudges that have been allowed to gain such depth in the heart that it becomes a stronghold blocking the heart from the ability to feel anything good for the spouse or see anything good about him or her. It leads to the point where a spouse cannot stand the sight of his or her spouse.
Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). Ephesians 4:31 (AMP)
Make up your mind to forgive as a matter of choice, necessity and obedience to God, not just when you feel like it or only when an apology is tendered. Failure to do so will degenerate into these monstrous demons of bitterness and resentment.
3. A Lack Of Effective Communication.
Countless sermons have been preached, loads of books have been written, thousands or more articles have been published all over the web, on communication in marriage. Yet the efforts to ensure that their words, lives and actions communicate effectively and positively to their spouses have been neglected by many. Hence the upsurge of break down in communication and resultant misunderstanding puts a humongous crack in many marriages and causes a dreadful collapse.
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19 Click To Tweet
Make your life is easy for your spouse to understand. Communicate to and with your spouse in and about everything on the level where he or she understands. Take the time to ask if he/she truly gets what you are trying to say and ensure they he or she does.
If you do not understand something your spouse says or does, rather than giving it your own interpretation, seek to understand it, and the why too.
4. A Lack Of Submission To God And His Word.
When a couple refuses to acknowledge and submit to God, the institutor of marriage, choosing to follow their flesh instead of His word on marriage, collapse cannot be ruled out. Marriage from the beginning has been God’s dream and He alone knows how to make this dream happen successfully for any couple. No marriage can achieve success in the true sense of the word without submitting to the authority of God and His word.
Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on your own knowledge. With every step you take, think about what He wants, and He will help you go the right way. Proverbs 3:5-6 (ERV)
Every couple must yield to God’s authority as individuals and submit their marriages to God. Both husband and wife must look to The Bible for instructions on marriage and guidance on every decision and choice they make, both as individuals and as regarding their marriage.
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. Joshua 1:8I know there are many other reasons why marriages fail, but in all, I think they can be linked to these four. Click To Tweet
What might you want to add to this list?
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2014
Photo Credit: Wallpaperweb
Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday
Vernon LaynePosted at 15:44h, 21 September
I can only speak from my experience and these are the reasons my first marriage failed. I was selfish and childish.I only can speak on my part. And the solutions you provided are the reasons my marriage today is strong. God has taught me how to actively listen to her and share my feeling with her. That’s why she’s my best friend.
Ugochi OritsejolomisanPosted at 10:26h, 08 April
Hmnnn… I wonder why I didn’t reply this earlier?
I have had my own lessons of why I must fight selfishness in marriage.
Deborah OkekePosted at 00:29h, 12 September
Thank you pastor for this article.Because is a life speaking article.Divorce is a spiritual force from the devil which he uses to fight our marraiges.Although a lot of people take divorce so common.By so doing it has become an identity to put on.which is not suppose to be so.Well i’ll be glad to say that the solutions to this 4 points you’ev made & the bible quotations are worth sowing into my spirit.To prepare me for a future marriag full with love and enjoyment.Once again thank you pastor and GOD bless you.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 11:51h, 15 September
I am glad you find it helpful. I oray you have a successful marriage with God at the head.
Have a super blessed week Deborah!
BethPosted at 15:56h, 10 September
So insightful and compelling, Ugochi! I agree with the issues you’ve “called out” in our lives. I know that selfishness often steals joy from my life and marriage. I also have trouble with submitting to my hubby and thus I’m not submitting to the Lord. I don’t think of it that way when I resist my man, but God certainly does! I needed these reminders, my friend! I love your passion to see people turn to the Lord, my friend!
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 16:31h, 10 September
Thanks Beth, I am not faultless too, we are all Works in progress. The important thing is that we make the progress. Thanks very much for your encouraging words.