When My Appreciation Changed. - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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When My Appreciation Changed.

When My Appreciation Changed.

when my appreciation changedI was in the kitchen ALONE, we had just finished dinner and I sent our boys off to bed because they needed enough rest before morning. They had end of session exams to prepare for, they would normally stay back to help clean up but I thought they should rest that night because we had a late dinner and I thought to leave them out of kitchen business for that night. My husband, on the other hand, was in the sitting room, iPad in hand, what he was doing I did not even know.

The Anger
I felt the anger welling up in me as I stomped in and out of the dinning, banging the door, scuffing with my feet and making other angry noises, hoping he would get the message and lend a helping hand (Now why didn’t I just ask?).
I started talking to myself, asking myself to calm down and remember that I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT. But oh no, “myself” didn’t listen and I let the anger rise and rise…
After what seemed like a very long time to me, and I was almost done with cleaning up, my husband came into the kitchen. Heart already racing, I said in a calm but angry tone: “Don’t bother to help, go back to your iPad, I don’t need your help!”

I still had few things to pick from the dining table and I kept stomping in and out of the kitchen as I expressed my anger on how he just sat back and let me tire out. I complained of how he used to be helpful but had just stopped being helpful and that was where I hit him hard…

“Do you even appreciate the previous times I have helped?” He asked

“Of course I do! I defended “Even in the presence of so and so the other day, I told of how helpful you have been.”

“How about telling me, when it’s just you and me?” He queried “You have only said it to people but never to me!”

It Hit Me!
I don’t remember exactly what I said at that point but I realized once again, that I had goofed. Why have I not thanked him to his face, between him and me? Believe me, I really did appreciate his efforts around the house; he is very helpful, especially since the paid help left. But I should have voiced it out, told him in words, and let him know that I knew he was helpful and that I appreciated it. I apologized, though a little later as I took time to really think of what he had said. And from then on, I started dishing out many thank-yous for as many things he does that I can remember. And I must say, he does more, I don’t know if he is spurred on by my change or he just does what he thinks he needs to do but I tell you he does much more now.

It Was A Good Thing.
I am sort of grateful for the events of this day, because I may not have known I was in error and was hurting him too. I may have continued in this very serious negligence and ignored a very important ingredient in marriage and relationships- appreciation.

I love to be appreciated and every one does. So if you want it, you should give it too, don’t you think? Click To Tweet

So then, whatever you desire that others would do to and for you, even so do also to and for them… Matthew 7:12 (AMP)

It is easy to think that your spouse should know that you appreciate him/her, but you might be wrong, like I was. So we should open our hearts and mouths and let our spouses know that they are appreciated, for the “little” things and the “big” things too. Somebody once said, “What you appreciate, will appreciate towards you.” How true that is, I am a testimony and it can only get better from now on.

When God was speaking to the Colossians in Colossians Chapter 3, He was talking to them about relating with each other beginning from verse 12, and in verse 15 He ends by saying…

Colossians 3:15… and be ye thankful.

Be thankful to God and to the one He has blessed you with. Click To Tweet

For what you sow you will reap, if you sow appreciation you too will be appreciated, and let’s face it, you love to be appreciated.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:7

Appreciating your spouse, between you two, may just be that lacking ingredient to make you marriage a great one. Click To Tweet

Do you neglect appreciating your spouse?
Do you forget? Or do you just assume that he/she should know?

(Update from 2012)

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2014

Photo Credit: Clipartpanda

Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday




Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Deborah Okeke
    Posted at 12:09h, 17 September

    Hello Pastor,
    This is another lovely post of yours,which I read and can not stop reading,like I always appreciate your blog. I so much like it because it’s stories are taken from our daily life, which is very important. Now why do i say it’s very important? It is because we gain wisdom by what we do and say as our daily life goes on.
    All your points are very correct pastor, the main point i picked up is this: It’s never good to take acts of kindness(even as little as the kindness might be) of our life partner for granted. There’s nothing like in the end of the day’s activity to look into the eyes of our spouse and to tell him/her THANK YOU you know what i mean pastor.Thank you and GOD bless you.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 21:08h, 17 September

      I a grateful to God that you picked something from this post Deborah. Thanks very much for coming by, have a super blessed day!

  • Beth
    Posted at 15:40h, 17 September

    I loved your vulnerability and honesty here, Ugochi. And I have been in your shoes many a time, fuming because my hubby didn’t “get with the program” and help out! 😉 I think in those moments I’m not only angry that he’s not helping out but that I have to ask for it. I don’t like asking for things. I never want to be a burden, so this feeds right into my insecurities and pet peeves! Poor guy! He never knew what hit him after I let my fury fly! Thanks for reminding us to be thankful and patient with our spouses … with everyone, that is! Hugs to you!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 21:10h, 17 September

      I am beginning to believe so much more that we are a lot alike Beth.
      “God help us to be thankful and patient with our spouse…with everyone,”
      Thanks very much for coming by, do have a super blessed day!

  • Angel
    Posted at 05:26h, 16 September

    First, let me say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story. I think it’s a scenario that plays out in most marriages. And many times it comes from developing routines. The acts of kindness that were once celebrated, become routine and familiar. We develop a sense of expectation instead of appreciation. We think our spouse is “supposed” to do the action. While I agree that some things are “supposed” to be done, it still wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge the little things with a heartfelt “thank you.”

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 08:26h, 17 September

      We think our spouse is “supposed” to do the action. While I agree that some things are “supposed” to be done, it still wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge the little things with a heartfelt “thank you.”
      This statement could not have been more true. Thanks a lot Angel.
      Do have a super blessed day!

  • favoredwoman
    Posted at 20:06h, 15 September

    Lovely post Ugochi. I’m sure we can all relate to this.
    Its easy to start to take acts of kindness for granted and expect our partners to just know what we are thinking.
    Love and appreciation requires conscious effort from both parties.
    P.S: lol @ “myself did not want to listen” (so funny)

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 08:14h, 17 September

      I know sis, it is easy to take things for granted.
      Thanks for coming by and sharing your thoughts.
      Have a super blessed day!