How To Deal With Resentment. - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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How To Deal With Resentment.

How To Deal With Resentment.

resentmentHis Story
A man told of how his wife cannot seem to look him in the eye or face. She seems to get irritated at every instance and reacts negatively at almost every thing he says or does. He said it all began when his mother spent some time at their house and went over boards with her criticism. She caused his wife so much pain and since then he had become like an enemy to his wife. There has been this cold wall between them since that time and try as he could; she just couldn’t warm up to him anymore.

Her Story
One woman shared with me about how her husband detests and hates her. She told me so many things that had gone on in their marriage and how she has had to swallow a lot of disregard, disrespect and neglect from her husband. I asked her if this was how the relationship was from the beginning and she said no. I also asked if she remembered when things turned sour and what led to the sourness. She thought for a bit and told me it had to do with money, she had taken some money without letting her husband know and that seemed to had put him off, for several years now. He seems to find it difficult to let it go and things have never been the same since then, he resents her and treats her with a cold attitude.

This is a sad reality and I know that the spouses had been truly wronged but his or her reaction was completely theirs. To forgive or not to forgive is a choice, we all have the choice to make, forgiveness is for the good of the forgiver. Un-forgiveness gives birth to something deeper and worse.

The Root
“The root of resentment is mostly bitterness, which is rooted in un-forgiveness. The way to deal with, and conquer resentment is to always forgive a wrong immediately the wrong is done; whether or not an apology is tendered. Sometimes waiting for an apology causes the anger to take even deeper root.”

This can be hard as the flesh always seeks revenge and pride always seeks to be fed, but it is a battle against the flesh we must fight and fight to win.

Resentment tears any marriage apart because there is no more warmth in the relationship and the couple drifts apart. When a couple no longer cares about what is going on with each other or what is going on their marriage, a crumbling is inevitable.
Like Third Day sang, “families never crumble in a day.” It starts from un-forgiveness and irreconcilability.

Besides the damage resentment can cause in marriages, it brings ill health upon the carrier and most dangerous is, it will also cost a person eternity in paradise with our Heavenly Father.

Heaven is not worth losing over holding a grudge and resenting anyone. Click To Tweet

This should motivate us to immediate forgiveness.

Let all bitterness…be put away from you… Ephesians 4:31

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Hebrews 12:15

How would you stop this deadly feeling of resentment from creeping up on you?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2014 (Update from 2013)

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Pingback:Why Marriages fail | Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
    Posted at 16:44h, 02 April

    […] of divorce is not being exacerbated at all. What is happening to marriages? Is it a lack of love, resentment, disregard of wedding vows or impatience?Why would a seemingly happy couple suddenly lose taste for […]

  • Pingback:Why Marriages fail
    Posted at 16:04h, 09 September

    […] of divorce is not being exacerbated at all. What is happening to marriages? Is it a lack of love, resentment, disregard of wedding vows or impatience?Why would a seemingly happy couple suddenly lose taste for […]

  • Rosey
    Posted at 18:29h, 08 September

    Immediate forgiveness as a practice is an awesome way to live. I have dealt with resentment that I had for two people very close to me, and it was not easy to do. Without the help of Him… I probably would not have been able to do it. In fact, it was for Him that I did it, but instantly it made me feel better (much better) too.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 13:19h, 09 September

      I know that feeling. It feels like a load of heavy and sore burden has been lifted of you.

  • steve
    Posted at 12:46h, 03 September

    It is inevitable that the seeds of resentment will be sown. We all mess things up from time to time. Some of us more than others. They key, as you put it so well, is to forgive and not let the seeds sprout or take root and grow. I recently spoke with a couple that acted so in love, like newlyweds, but they had actually been married for over 60 years. I asked them their secret. The wife said one of their secrets was to never go to bed angry at each other. That is one very good way to keep the seeds of resentment from growing.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 13:16h, 03 September

      Wow 60 years! Resentment definitely does not nurture love.

  • Sykik
    Posted at 12:03h, 03 September

    It takes a broken and contrite heart to forgive. I have learnt that for every pain and un forgiveness I harbour against anyone I am left emotionally drained. I just let go and live because no pain or un forgiveness is worth the drain.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 13:15h, 03 September

      That’s the best way to go my sister, for our own benefits.

  • Vernon Layne
    Posted at 15:33h, 01 September

    I can honestly say part of my first marriage failing was because of resentment and unforgiveness on my part. I also can honestly said that it taught me the importance of sharing my feeling and thoughts with my wife today. I’m glad you wrote on this topic because it’s cancer to all relationships.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 12:47h, 02 September

      It sure is cancerous! God help us all to do away with it.