19 Jun Crossroads In A Relationship
I had a discussion with a single man during the week after He sent me a message. He was getting ready to get married when someone from his past showed up and put him in some kind of crossroads. I took permission to share his story here on Teshuva.
I had a boy child with a lady sometime ago. When she was pregnant and she joined me in my family house. While we were together God blessed me with a job out of the city. Due to the job schedule, salary, and distance I did my best to visit home once in three months but while away I kept sending money to her.
My senior sister introduced her to business and set her up in it with her(my senior sister’s) money. Somehow she couldn’t manage the business well and it collapsed.
I kept sending money to her until the company dropped me and I got so broke it was not easy for me to feed, but God was helping me. At this time she left me and married someone else and had our baby.
She Comes Back
Now I am preparing for my wedding to my new found girl and she has come back saying our son must not be left lonely, the other man has sent her away.
I told her to bring me the child so I can care for him but she said; “This child is your image, the only way I can remember you. If you take him away from me I will kill myself.”
After receiving counsel, I held my peace and let her keep our son.
Our son will be eight this year and now she is crying and claiming I destroyed her life. She said she is no more capable of caring for our son and her Ex’s son. She said she wants to come back to me…
He wanted to know what to do…
This is not strange as I have heard of and witnessed this kind of incidence both with men and women. But here is what I told him.
I told him I didn’t think it was a great idea having her back.
I thought of so many things that informed my counsel.
I thought It would be based probably more on pity and their son than genuine love for her, after all he is already getting on to move on. Besides all of these, issues with trust would arise and she would probably feel miserable with him. Would he be able to handle the thought that she left him for someone else, that she had a son for that someone, that she only came crying because that someone no longer wanted her?
Most men unlike women cannot handle things like this.
Please every one, single or married should be wise in the choices and decisions they make. Some times we only see the value of the things we had after we lose them. And marriage is too serious a matter for anyone to be willing to play second fiddle or willing to be married out of pity.Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established. Proverbs 24:3 Click To Tweet
What do you think of this?
What would you have advised the young man to do?
Copyright© Teshuva 2014
UjePosted at 22:50h, 22 June
Thanks a lot for this anty Ugo…deep food for thought..
I miss reading from you cos I stopped getting email notifications of new posts…glad am back
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 13:06h, 23 June
I am more glad you are back Uje! I wonder what could have stopped your mails from coming in. Have a super blessed day!
jayPosted at 07:18h, 21 June
Hey ugochi. If the man is born again, I dont really think has a big problem. If he is not, I think he should be born again and then God will give him someone perfect lest he falls into another jezebel’s hands.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 13:05h, 23 June
He is born again and he has already found someone before this lady from his past showed up. I believe God will help him work it out.
Thanks for coming by Jay, have a super blessed day!
luchiPosted at 16:20h, 20 June
What if the other man had kept her? Would she have come back?
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 23:13h, 20 June
I don’t think so…
ebiichykePosted at 12:00h, 20 June
The right thing to do is to go ahead with his wedding plans. He should take care of his son and leave his mother alone.what is the confusion there?does it not matter to him that she left him before? She is self centered and will never kill herself.He should move on
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 13:47h, 20 June
Those are my thoughts and I did tell him to move on. There is no guarantee she is coming back for the right reasons and she won’t take off.
AdejokePosted at 16:29h, 19 June
Yes,she has realised her mistakes but that doesn’t give her the right to play with and mess up other people’s lives. Life is lived on choices, she made hers and should live with the consequences. Shalom
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 17:10h, 19 June
So sad but true. Thanks for coming by and sharing your candid thoughts sister.
LaraPosted at 15:27h, 19 June
She definitely wants to have now him that her ex no longer wants her…she is manipulating with the one thing he holds precious…he should not take her back…because she will run away when things gets tough again.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 17:06h, 19 June
I think so too Lara. Besides, she would hardly be trusted and this will make her miserable. Thanks for coming by and sharing your thoughts.
AdejokePosted at 15:10h, 19 June
Who is to say she won’t take off again if things get hard? People like her only use and dump others. Now she has got a dose of her own medicine. She won’t kill herself. She only wants to appeal to his emotions and I don’t know why he is considering her.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 15:21h, 19 June
I thought so too. I however think she has realized her mistakes. But like you said, she might take off again.
makalaPosted at 13:02h, 26 January
honestly there is no love there and its the devil trying to confuse the wedding plans,report to God