Shhh... Don't Say Divorce - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Shhh… Don’t Say Divorce

Shhh… Don’t Say Divorce

Don't say divorceWhen tempers rise in the midst of an argument between a man and his wife, more often than not unwholesome and destructive words are spoken. I have discovered that we do not speak from empty hearts, we often speak thoughts that we have played around with in our hearts before the time; whether years, months, weeks, days, or hours before. We must have thought it before we spoke it.
It has become common knowledge that the words we speak are seeds and carry the power to produce. But many times because our hearts are full, it cannot help but spill out the words in it no matter how suppressed or delayed. Given the right conditions, when any seed is planted it will produce fruit, given the right conditions when we speak words into our lives and marriages, we will see the fruits, whether good or bad.

When we play with or think about something long enough, no matter how long we have held back, someday when the heart comes under pressure it cannot help but let it out.

I have often listened to a man or woman say to me (on my job), that their spouse always threatens them with divorce whenever there is a misunderstanding between them; this is unacceptable.

When couples keep threatening each other with divorce…
-“I am tired of all of this, maybe we should get a divorce!”
-“You better stop pushing me or I will leave you and this marriage!”
-“I have been telling you, marriage is not by force. When I have had it, I will serve you the papers!”
…They are are speaking words into their homes that if they leave undone could bring in the fruits into their marriages.

The Heart Connection
We all know that no word comes out of the mouth without first passing through the heart, be it even for a split second. Whatever the mouth speaks, the heart supplies, Jesus puts it this way;

…out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. Matthew 12:34

There is a direct link between the heart and the mouth, when it comes to the words we speak. So in order to stop speaking divorce into our marriages, we MUST stop thinking divorce.

It is scary to know that even if it stops in our thoughts, we still put our marriages at risk because what we think about affects our lives. We should protect our hearts, because it is the power house of our lives.

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.  Proverbs 4:23 NLT

Now that we know that what goes on in our hearts determine the course of our lives we ought to take great caution of what thoughts we allow in our hearts. Once the heart is able to influence the mind on an issue, it is as good as done.
We must protect our hearts and be careful of what our minds feed it. The mind is mostly affected by externals; what people tell you, what you think and what you feel. We must then protect our hearts by feeding it constantly with the best thoughts concerning us as declared by God our Maker and Father via His word.

Cleansing The Heart
Just in case you already have filled your hearts with thoughts of divorce, you can cleanse your heart by replacing those thoughts with God’s truths. It may not be automatic but consistently reading, studying, meditating on and speaking the word will cleanse the heart from every impure thought. The word of God is water, the greatest cleansing agent.

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. Ephesians 5:26

We must fight every thought contrary to God’s word in our lives. We must constantly go to God in prayer as we read His word because He alone has the ability to cleanse our hearts.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5

The Bible says that our tongues carry the power of life and death, we reap the fruits of what we speak. Proverbs 18: 21

We ought to speak life rather  than death into our marriages. Couples have to make an end of suffocating their marriages with negative words of divorce threats because the thoughts we think and the words we speak run the course of our lives; don’t even joke about it!

So please never say divorce unless  you are saying, “Divorce is not an option in my marriage!”

Remember, it begins with the heart!

-Have you or anyone you know been harassed with divorce threats?
-Have you spoken divorce into your marriage?
-Do you agree it is unhealthy?
-Are you doing anything to cleanse your heart and tongue from divorce?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2014

Sharing with: Wedded Wednesday

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Abalaka Phil
    Posted at 19:39h, 16 April

    Great words Mummy! I’m Inspired!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 04:51h, 17 April

      Praise God Phil! Have a super blessed day!

  • Esther Onimisi
    Posted at 02:56h, 16 April

    Thanks Mummy J. I agree with you that words are powerful and we reap what we sow with our mouths. For abusive relationships the case is obviously different.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 15:54h, 16 April

      I do not encourage continuing in an abusive relationship without seeking appropriate solutions. And we definitely do reap what we sow. Thanks a lot for coming by ma, do have a super blessed day!

  • Angel Thompson
    Posted at 05:19h, 15 April

    It’s so true that playing around with this word can have devastating results. Divorce has become commonplace in society, and I’ve heard people use the word “divorce” casually – not realizing that they are snared by the words of their mouth.

    On the other hand, I do agree with Myne Whitman that divorce can save lives. But this is ONLY for unique situations. I know of someone who stayed in an abusive marriage and was killed.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 17:05h, 15 April

      There are certain words we shouldn’t joke around with. Divorce is definitely one of them

  • Justin M. Davito
    Posted at 17:55h, 14 April

    Yes, I agree it is unhealthy.

    I like how you pointed out that there is a heart condition when one may think like this.


    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 16:58h, 15 April

      Yes, it truly is a heart condition.

  • Abiola
    Posted at 16:36h, 14 April

    Your words are very true…we think it before we say it out.

    We need to refine and purify our hearts because…out of the abundance of the heart…it really begins with the heart.

    Can’t wrap my head around how anyone would believe that threatening divorce helps their marriage. What sort of positive impact can possibly come out of negative and vindictive words?

    God help every marriage on the brink of divorce regain divine stability.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 16:42h, 15 April

      Amen sis! We seriously need His intervention in our homes.

  • Beth
    Posted at 15:44h, 14 April

    I’ve heard some people say they thought it helped their marriage by threatening divorce, Ugochi. In other words, they felt it woke their spouse up! I don’t know if that’s true for those people, but for the vast majority of couples, it only brings fear and rejection into the relationship. I think it also signals that at least one spouse has an “exit strategy” in mind and this might begin to influence them both as time and trials go on. Yes, the mind and what we ruminate on is definitely a factor in all of this, my friend! Wise words!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 16:39h, 15 April

      I agree, only one with an exit strategy will keep going on about divorce.
      Doing wrong never yields right Beth, the devil is a liar! He just tricks people to believe his lies!

  • Myne Whitman
    Posted at 14:56h, 14 April

    Divorce should never be a threat or blackmail. But I wish more couples learned how and when to use it to save their lives.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 16:35h, 15 April

      Very true. It can become the only way.