24 Mar Faulty Reasons Why People Get Married
The way marriages are crumbling these days has not ceased to amaze me. A couple of months ago I was in discussion with some women about this and we came to the conclusion that some people got married for the wrong reasons and with little or no idea of what marriage means and what it is about. They have no understanding of the purpose of marriage and its implications, so at the slightest hiccup they want to pack up and leave.
This is happening to both young and old marriages today, you find marriages of 2, 5, 15, 25, 35 years falling apart because from the beginning their understanding of marriage or their reasons for getting married was an illusion.
The older ones kept hanging on, maybe because of the children, financial incapability, stigma of separation or divorce… so whenever they get over any of these, they break out.
Some of the faulty reasons I find people get married are:
1. Escape From Home
Some people got married in order to escape home, their parents with their many home and house rules. They got married to get away from abusive homes because they knew no other way.
Unfortunately for them, some of the things they ran away from was present in their new home…
2. In Search For Wealth
Some thought that when they marry a wealthy person, it would solve the problem of lack for them.
While this might have been true, when the money was no longer there, frustration set in because the marriage became “uninteresting”.
3. Societal Expectations
Society largely expects that at a certain point in a man or woman’s life, they should be married.
Some allowed themselves to come under pressure and being ill equipped to work any relationship, they ran into marriage just to avoid society’s bite.
When these people encountered marital challenges, they really did not have any reason to stay except for the stigma of separation and/or divorce but when they were able to get over thinking what society might think, they walked.
4. Everyone Is Getting Married
When all of a person’s friends and/or relative get married and they remain single, the temptation to get married to whoever becomes very strong.
This pressure to prove that “I too can get married” beclouds their judgments and affects their choice of wife or husband. So they ended up marrying someone who they later found to be extremely difficult to live with.
5. To Satisfy Their Sexual Urges
The desire to have legal sex is another reason why some people got married. They believed they MUST satisfy their sexual desires and they wanted to do it the right way. So they got married just to enable them do sex the right way. But this is not enough to hold a marriage.
The problem here becomes that their wife or husband was not with them at every point in time of that surge of desire…
So after a while, they turned to other “available” means.
6. To Have Children
I have heard some people say they got married, especially in Africa, in order to have children who would continue their family name or continue their own life when they are gone. Procreation is one reason for marriage, but is not enough…
So when the children did not come as they had hoped, the men took multiple wives or mistresses and the women went with men whom they felt were capable of impregnating them.
Marriage, I believe is majorly for:
Companionship– To love and care for each other. To selflessly serve one another, be there for each other and help each other in all things. Genesis 2:18
Procreation– God created marriage to raise for Himself families on the earth. Genesis 1: 28
A mission– Besides raising children for God, every marriage has a unique assignment to fulfill, it is our duty to discover, pursue and accomplish that purpose. You can read more about this here.
Anyone who has had a warped reason for marriage can change their thoughts, allow God to work on their hearts, talk with their wife or husband and give it all a fresh start. It sure is not easy as it reads but with determination and yielded hearts, God can turn it around.
-Do you know some other reasons?
-Have you encountered anyone who fits into any of these groups?
-Do you think any of the reasons above can create and sustain joy in a marriage?
Copyright© Teshuva 2014
Photo Credit: Wallpapers
Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday
francesPosted at 22:26h, 26 March
thank you for this ma, may God help us to wait for His time, to marry for the right reasons, at the right time and with God’s blessings, amen..
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 23:52h, 26 March
Amen Frances, amen!
BethPosted at 17:59h, 26 March
Every time I stop by your place, Ugochi, you always have a refreshing topic that I’ve not seen discussed around the blogosphere very much. I agree that many don’t marry for the right reasons and I’d add the search for their “soul-mate” to that list. I think many are in to what they’re spouse can give to them or complete in them. It’s the saddest of all reasons since God is the only one to fill that void. Love your wisdom here, my friend! I’ll be sharing!
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 23:51h, 26 March
Yes Beth, it is a selfish world, always wanting to take from, without giving to. Looking to man for what only God can give.
Thanks for coming by and sharing too, do have a super blessed day!
Justin M. DavitoPosted at 22:39h, 25 March
Great post. I think it is a God honoring desire to want to have sex with their spouse. I think it is a good desire and good reason to be married, just not the only reason.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 10:45h, 26 March
Very true Justin. It is great, but not the only reason.
DeolaPosted at 22:47h, 25 March
God bless you ma’am for this piece.. I feel that youths of nowadays don’t see the need to ask the Lord what He feels about their choice of partner for marriage.. Knowing God’s will seems to be old fashioned but really, I intend to ask God when a guy proposes, “God what do u think?” “Would He lead me to obey and do your will, does he share the same vision with me?” And so on..
Reading this to my friends, one of them raised the issue of hastiness more so because a prophet somewhere chose a person as a spouse, some people completely agree….
Another is of the opinion that pregnancy out of wedlock can Spur a person into a faulty marriage and so on… Please keep praying for our generation because we MUST not fail in our marriages..
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 10:49h, 26 March
It is sad that many are leaving God out of their daily decisions and a very important one as marriage. No matter who gives a go ahead apart from God, there is no guarantee.
Our youths must stay clear of “prophets” whose god has become their bellies so they make up stuff in order to feed their gods. We all must seek God, like we should, the blood of Jesus grants everyone access to the presence and voice of God.
I will pray Deola…
Chelle RamseyPosted at 21:34h, 24 March
Sometimes people get married because they love one another; however, the marriage begins to fail because they don’t understand the work needed. There are instances where one or both parties have never seen a successful marriage in their lives, and they don’t understand the sacrifice and commitment required to make it succeed.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 12:22h, 25 March
Very true. Love in itself SHOULD make them want to work to make it work, but sometimes beacause they have seen no good example like you have said, they give in and give up. God help us to model for young couples what marriage truly is.
Susie (The Esthetic Goddess)Posted at 21:24h, 24 March
So well said! I think so many couples go into marriage thinking if it doesn’t work out they will just get divorced. Which is the wrong way to look at it. They spend more time picking out a car then the person they will spend the rest of their days with.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 12:20h, 25 March
Yes! They leave an alternative even before they go in… no plans to work to make it work.
FavoredwomanPosted at 20:26h, 24 March
People get married sometimes out of naivety and sometimes for selfish reasons like you have listed . We hear of celebrity weddings just as publicity stunts, sometimes they even have children before the marriage dissolves…
I agree with you, marriage is deeper than what we see or think.
May God give us grace to fulfil His purpose for us in marriage.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 12:18h, 25 March
Amen my sister! Marriage should not be taken as a joke, God meant it to be sacred.