27 Feb Why I Changed My Mind About Spanking My Children
Whether we know it or not we often tilt towards parenting the way we were parented. My mom used to be a teacher and was in her younger days a very adept disciplinarian who spanking seemed to be an intrinsic part of her being. She still is very strict but has lost the energy to spank like she used to do; I have never stopped wondering if she is the same person when I see her and her grand children. She never hesitated to put her hand or cane down on us when we misbehaved or disobeyed. Many times I obeyed or behaved not just because I wanted to, but because I did not enjoy the pain of her spanks and I wanted to avoid it.
Now, when I got married I naturally thought I should spank my children into obeying me. I did it both impulsively and tactically; intensifying it when I thought the offense was intense. But now, I have changed my mind, let me tell you the reasons why…
1. I Read A Book
I read a book written by Myles Munroe and David Barrows on Kingdom Parenting. In this book, Myles Munroe recommends spanking, but not with the hands, he says our children should remember our hands for love and warmth and not spanking. I recommend this book for all parents because there is so much to learn from it. Please note that this is no paid advert or referral.
I agreed with him for a while and stopped spanking with my hands, but now I do not want them to remember me for spanking at all, not with my hands, not with sticks, not with belts not with anything… I thought to myself that whatever instrument I was spanking with, my hands would still have to lift it up.
2. They Distanced Themselves
I saw my boys do the same thing I did to my mum to me; they distanced themselves from me. I didn’t notice it at first and when I did I wondered why until I heard them talking one day and discovered spanking was one of the reasons. They noticed I do it impulsively, giving them rapid slaps on the nearest part of them I could reach.
I didn’t want that distance, it broke my heart and I wanted them to be comfortable staying close to me at anytime, whether they did wrong or right, without being afraid that my hand was going to come down on them any minute. My husband used to spank too but not with my kind of frequency… and I must admit he has his way of loving them I need to learn.
3. What The School Staff Taught Me
Recently my husband and I visited a prospective school one of our sons might be attending, when we got into one of the offices where we were to be attended to, a staff told us something that has not left my mind. He said to us that they do not believe in spanking their students, they discovered spanking teaches them violence.
Boy! Did I see this in my home! My husband always has to remind them never to use their hands on each other. I believe that if we had never laid our hands on them they really might have not learnt to use their hands on each other.
As we walked out of that compound, I discovered my husband and I were thinking the same thoughts as we started talking about what the school staff had said. This made our decision even firmer and I am convinced (my opinion please) that our decision regarding spanking is good for our children and us.
What About Proverbs?
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Proverbs 13:24
The Bible calls it “the rod of correction” in Proverbs 22: 15 I believe this has to do with corrective measures not necessarily sticks or spanking…
I thought I could make my children obedient by spanking them but I think differently now. They might obey me in actions but not really from their hearts. I want my children to obey me from their hearts because they love me and believe I have the best in mind for them not because they fear me; because they love God and want to please Him.
There are several other ways of disciplining a child, teaching a child obedience or making a child obedient like Teaching Them God’s word, praying for them and with them, denying them their favourite toys or games, putting them in a sober corner (not naughty corner please) and withdrawing some privileges…
I know every one will not agree with me on this. Does spanking really yield positive results? Be sincere, what will it be for you, what are your views on this?
Copyright © Teshuva 2014
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