Sex is a very important topic to humanity because it affects everyone. In marriage, sex is all so important because it is a gift given to man and his wife for their pleasure and in order to co-create with God, a gift that if neglected and under utilized can stunt the growth of any marital relationship, it has destroyed so many homes too.
Many times in counselling married people, one common thread that runs in marital problems is that of husband or wife denying the other sex or losing interest in sex with his/her spouse.
I have seen men deny their wives and I have also seen women deny their husbands. The reason a husband or wife would deny their spouse sex could be anything, it is however important for you to ask and use any communication mode that will work best for you to find out why and deal with it in order to move on in your sexual lives. If it is not intentionally and adequately handled it will become a crack in the wall that could result to a collapse in relationship.
I will attempt in this article from my encounters with several couples and from my own experience too, to discuss some of the reasons why I some husbands and some wives often refuse to give in to sex, deny their spouses sex or lack interest in sex. As always when I make lists, I recognize that it may not be exhaustive; so many other things could be involved. Also, I decided to post in two parts, as I discovered it would be too lengthy a read. Let me begin…
Many times when your spouse refuses to yield to your sex overtures he or she is angry about something,; arguments, hurtful words, lies… While God has commanded that we never refuse our spouses sex, anger has played a major role in sexual problems in marriage.
-If you are the angry one, let your spouse know you are angry about something and work hard to forgive and let it go.
-If you make your desire to have sex with your spouse and get refused, you should lovingly find out why and get it resolved instead of joining in the anger.
This could be a result of several things ranging from suspicion of infidelity, past infidelity to feelings of being unloved and disrespected.
-Suspicion should not be allowed, it is a great destroyer in any relationship. I wrote about it HERE. Couples should always learn to give themselves benefits of doubt unless otherwise proven.
-If there was infidelity in the past it should be forgiven and let go, especially if it has been discussed and settled.
-If the husband or wife is struggling with sexual sins, he or she should own up to it and seek help.
-If for any reason you feel unloved or disrespected, you should communicate to your spouse, and if your spouse communicates to you then you should do all you know and learn some more how to ensure your spouse is secure in your love.
-Sometimes feelings of being unloved might be as a result of past issues one did not deal with before getting married, so husbands and wives must change their perspectives via the word of God instead of allowing their pasts to rule and ruin their marriages.
You will all agree with me that tiredness is a major cause of denial of sex by couples.
Though most men no matter how tired they are can have sex, I have heard and talked with some mane who get too tired for sex.
I remember a woman once told me that immediately her husband gets home from work, he barely manages to get through dinner and he is off in bed, snoring hard. When she as much as touches him he grunts about how she should understand he has had a long day.
Most women get so tired from house chores after their out-of-home jobs for those who are not full time working moms. I believe mothers who work from home are very guilty especially those who do not know when to stop, there hands are often full and because they are home they see all that needs to be done and literally want to finish them all at once. Then they are beat by the time their husbands get home and want them.
-First off, I would like to suggest that when you are very tired and your spouse wants you, TAKING A COLD SHOWER will invigorate you, try it!
-It is very important to be conscious that your spouse could desire you at any time and save him or her some of your energy. Most things work better if they are planned for intentionally.
-Communication can help a lot, like texting, phone calls and little hints here and there to let your spouse know that “something” will be “going down.” This helps your spouse to know and save himself or herself some energy for you. My husband is especially good at this. *wink*
The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3 (MSG)
I will be bringing the concluding part next Monday.
Sex in marriage is a very important topic, I know you would agree. Please share your thoughts on what you have read so far, is there some changes you might want to make or solutions you might want to add.
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2014
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