03 Feb When There Is The Other Person
Recently I was reminded of a scene from Fireproof, when Caleb (Kirk Cameron) discovered the card his wife’s male colleague had given her. Next scene we see him walking into the hospital and into the doctor’s office to let home know he still loved his wife and how he had an edge over him in winning her over.
The first time I saw this movie I thought for sure he was going over to start a physical fight with the doctor who was trying to get a go at his wife, thankfully I was wrong.
I have seen men and women who fight with someone they suspect, believe or know to be making passes at their spouse or perhaps have an affair with them.
While I know how painful and sometimes really mad this can make someone, I believe this route is not the best one to take. I believe anyone who does this fights the wrong person. I also know that it is dangerous and most times yields negative results.
-Some have been disfigured, badly bruised and battered and some very shamefully disgraced when they resort to physical combats as a means to solve suspected or confirmed infidelity.
-Some have been killed by the person the pick a fight with or ended up committing murder as a result of anger and pain in their hearts.
-Some have ended up losing completely the one for whom they went to “fight” for.
The Real Enemy
The real war should be against the enemy, the devil. Every believer knows that the devil is at the root of every evil; Genesis 3 the war should be against him.
Men and women who face this challenge should talk with their spouses rather than the other person, even though most times this is not the best method, because most guilty people who are not sober will tend to fight any mention of the act they are guilty of, but one should try in the best possible “nicest” way and learn from the response whether or not to continue.
I would suggest that if a man or woman loves his or her spouse, wants to run off the other person, and get their spouse and marriage back, God’s wisdom should be applied. Now do not misunderstand me, I do not in any way imagine that this is as easy as it reads, but it is always best not to give up or give in without a fight. Wisdom requires discipline, a lot of discipline on the flesh and the emotions. The first thing that occurs to the mind of a spouse is to get up and fight the other person but that hardly yields any positive result.
My take for any person who wants to snatch their spouse from the hands of the other person is to:
- Focus on rebuilding their marriage
- Stop nagging their spouse about the other person
- Love their spouse in every sense of the word
- Pray about and work on their shortcomings (They are not perfect themselves)
- Pray hard for their spouse and marriage
It Is Pretty Hard
I understand that this is a tough call, but I also know that it is mostly wisdom not strength that is required to win a battle, we should learn to fight smart against the enemy, God is our wisdom.
I pray for those having to deal with “the other person”, that they will receive wisdom from God to win their spouses back and rid their marriages of the others person.
…Wisdom is better than strength…Wisdom is better than weapons of war. Ecclesiastes 9: 16, 18
Even though it is not impossible to deal with and God’s grace supplies the strength and wisdom we need…it is pretty hard isn’t it?
What do you think?
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2014
Photo Credit: Wallcoo
Amy JonesPosted at 02:29h, 18 April
I think God does not like divorce, but I also believe that He would not want people to stay in a relationship if there were a threat of physical harm. I have never been in that position and I think it would be a very difficult thing to deal with. I am for restoring the marriage and if that can not happen I think divorce might be the answer for some. I don’t think that half of all marriages should end in divorce.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 12:27h, 18 April
Truth Angel, when infidelity and life is involved, I believe divorce might be the solution after genuine attempts for remedy has failed.
Esther OnimisiPosted at 15:43h, 06 February
Bless you ma. This is a difficult one to call. I have never experience it and I pray We all ladies do not experience it. Infidelity damages our confidence. No one like to be the second best. I certainly do not know how polygamous home work. However I do agree that physical confrontation is completely out of this equation or contest. If any thing it is a lot of talking, taking wise counsel, a lot of loving through the pain (this is where the battle is lost or won) The final weapon of victory like everyone mentioned is prayer knowing fully, that the enemy is the one at work here. Have a great day ma. Lots of love to all yours.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 15:52h, 06 February
I love the statement that loving through the pain is where the battle is won.. or lost. Like I keep saying this should not happen, no one likes it, unfortunately people let down their guards and the enemy takes a hold. Prayer and love works extremely well for both prevention and cure. Thanks a lot for your wise words ma, have a super blessed day! Regards to your family as well ma!
BethPosted at 16:51h, 05 February
Emotions are running so high when we find out that another person has captured our spouse’s heart. Thankfully I’ve never had this happen in my life, but I’ve certainly counseled so many who have. I think you are wise, Ugochi to caution them not to “fight”–especially start a “physical” fight. Again, emotions will hijack any productivity that can be claimed, so we must surrender this to our God who fights for us. Great thoughts, sweet friend!
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 19:31h, 05 February
If only these things never happen, unfortunately the enemy is not resting at all. May God help us to make wise choices and help others make wise choices too. Thanks a lot for coming by Beth, do have a super blessed day!
Joe PotePosted at 12:39h, 05 February
Wow! You’ve picked a tough topic for today’s post, Ugochi.
I’ve lived that one, before, in a past marriage. It’s an extremely difficultand painful reality to have to face.
Yes, prayer and seeking God’s presence and wisdom is definitely the best place to start…always!
I found it helpful to also be very up-front about the reality of the situation. Don’t try to wish the truth away or allow anyone else in the situation to pretend nothing happened, or to minimize the events or consequences.
And pray! Pray, pray, pray!
Seek wise counsel and trusted friends…and Pray!
Thank you, Ugochi!
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 19:29h, 05 February
A tough one indeed, you know we know and wish this things will not happen, unfortunately we see them happening. I agree, the truth must be faced and not pretended about. Prayer cannot be overemphasized and wise counsel cannot be done without.
Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving your wise thoughts, do have a super blessed day!
AngiePosted at 03:24h, 04 February
Very true and very good advice. When someone finds out there is something going on, they usually get the wrong advice and people react filled with anger and pain. It’s good to have support and guidance so that hearts are turned to the Lord.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 15:06h, 04 February
Yes it is, we are not meant to go through life’s journey alone. Thanks a lot Angie for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!
RoseyPosted at 17:49h, 03 February
I’ve seen marriages make it through infidelity, and I have also seen them ruined by it. I guess it depends on each situation individually. The devastating effects can be lengthy and have a long reach in either case. Better just not to go there to start with…but I agree a physical fight won’t help anything at all.
Ugochi JolomiPosted at 15:00h, 04 February
It is better not to go there… Unfortunately these things do happen. I remember a post I did on 8 Adultery Proof Strategies and I am hoping that couples would learn to prevent it, it is easier to prevent it than to fix it. Thanks a lot for coming by Rosey, do have a super blessed day!