There are some things that are straight out wrong and unacceptable, especially when innocent children are involved. A scene has been constantly replaying in my mind and I keep looking back at my 13 years of marriage sincerely hoping I have not done the same.
Why would a man or his wife talk bad about his or her spouse to their children? Is it to gain favour, to be loved, to win a battle or just being plain mean?
Is it anger driven, carefully thought out, planned and strategized, or an ignorant act? Why?
Can you imagine what your mum did to me today?
Your dad is just so mean!
Your mum refused to serve my food today!
Your dad refused to pay in money for upkeep; he wants us all to starve to death!
Your mum disrespects me so bad; she talks to me anyhow!
Your dad doesn’t love me any more!
And on and on…
Come on! Should we be telling this to our children, especially toddlers, teenagers and/or young adults? Should we put them in a position where they have to start viewing our spouses like they are bad people, spouse and parents?
Should couples bother their children about their misunderstandings, should they involve them in their arguments, should couples drag their children into their fights, should they expose them to what their hearts cannot handle, things that shouldn’t even be happening in the first place?
I believe the answer is a big NO! It is unhealthy for any man or wife to pitch their children against themselves. It affects the emotions of a child and creates dysfunction in the behavior of that child. When we sow these seeds in the hearts of our children we confuse them and cause them to begin acting negatively towards our spouses.
If they buy into our thoughts and words, they may develop hatred for our spouses and in the long run, it will affect our marriages and home one way or the other.
I have seen parents sell their spouses short to their children and I have shuddered and sincerely hoped and still do, that I have not in my words or actions tried to make my boys think or believe that my spouse is not a good person, or is to be blamed for anything that didn’t go well in our home. So help me God, amen!
I believe when we do this we tell our children it is okay for them to do it to their own spouses too. We should teach our children what is good and what we know would do them good in their future, they tend to do what they see us do.
Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost. Proverbs 22:6 (MSG)
Have you experienced this, mistakenly done this, ever thought your children should know how good you are and how bad your spouse is? Have you encountered this as a child or in any other way? What do you think, good or bad? Go on and share with Teshuva readers and I in the comment box, we could all learn a thing a two!
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2014