Spouse Tabbing - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Spouse Tabbing

Spouse Tabbing

I have seen and heard of men and women who keep tabs on their spouses, watching with suspicion their every move hoping to catch them doing something “funny” with someone.

  • They ask their domestic staff and/or children who came visiting their spouses while they were away.
  • They keep an “eye” on them while at work by engaging a willing colleague of their spouse to keep then informed of any “move” their spouses make.
  • Many husbands and wives go through their spouses’ text messages, emails, bags, pockets…searching “just making sure” there is nothing to worry about.
  • Some always insist on speaking to the friend, colleague, boss, parent or whomever their spouse says they are with, to ensure they are not being lied to.
  • Many cannot stand mere exchange of pleasantries between their spouse and an opposite sex; they are thinking something is going on between them.
  • Some cannot handle the passage of even the shadow of an opposite sex pass by their spouses, their minds begin to play tricks on them.

The list can go on and on, but for time and space, I will let you add yours in the comment box.

In summary, I want to explain some terms.

Jealousy as displayed by God
Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God… Exodus 25: 5

Here to be jealous means not bearing any rival or the severe avenger of departure from Himself – Hebrew Lexicon

Jealousy as displayed by the world
Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims – dictionary.com

Paranoia is a thought process believed to be heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion – Wikipedia

Unhealthy jealousy and suspicion is lethal to any marriage, if we continually suspect our spouse and “follow” them everywhere to “make sure” they are not cheating on us, we live in FEAR. Our thoughts give room for the enemy and if not stopped… See Job’s exclamation:

For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me. Job 3: 25

Plus, it can be very frustrating to a spouse who is innocent and unassuming too.

I know that we should not accept any form of rivalry over our spouses. I also know that some people give room for their spouse to suspect them, but how do we know when it is God’s jealousy, man’s jealousy based on suspicion or plain paranoia?

Copyright © Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013

Photo Credit: Bridorama

Sharing With: Living Proverbs, Teach Me, Teaching Good

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Joe Pote
    Posted at 17:29h, 18 December

    Yes, lack of trust is not a good thing in any relationship, and especially in a marriage. Sometimes the lack of trust is warranted, and sometimes it is not. Either way, it needs to be dealt with and not left to fester.

    My current marriage was not my first marital experience. I consider the trust in my marriage to be nothing short of a miraculous gift from God. After my experiences in the previous marriage, I honestly did not know if I would ever be able to truly trust a spouse, again. Life is so much more peaceful with mutual trust!

    God is good! 🙂

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 17:36h, 18 December

      Truth sir, trust brings peace. But like you said, we must all work towards earning our spouses’ trust. Thanks for offering this encouragement here, do have a super blessed Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  • favoredwoman
    Posted at 23:02h, 17 December

    very interesting post.
    Keeping tabs on your spouse is very unhealthy. If you spend so much time worrying over your partner having an affair outside, you will have little time and positive energy to put into the marriage.
    Marriage needs a lot of love and trust to grow and blossom. Not just for the couple but for the children who are watching the parents every move. Lest they grow up thinking it is normal to be over possessive and jealous over your spouse.
    Wishing you a wonderful Christmas

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:24h, 18 December

      I totally agree, we should channel our energy toward positive pursuits and being positive models. Thanks a lot for coming by sister, you have a super blessed Merry Christmas too!

  • Kendra @A Proverbs 31 Wife
    Posted at 15:02h, 17 December

    I have been so blessed in my husband. Knowing that I can trust him is worth more than all the roses in the world.
    One thing I have noticed…. If a wife is always mistrusting her husband, chances are, she isn’t trust worthy either.
    We have certain boundries in place, that even though we trust each other, we also avoid being in situations where that trust could be abused.
    Great post!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 15:55h, 17 December

      I totally agree, many time we see others through the eyes of who we are. I like that you have created boundaries that will enhance trust too. Thanks a lot for coming by Kay, do have a super blessed Merry Christmas!!!

  • Esther Onimisi
    Posted at 17:59h, 17 December

    Thanks mummy. I know a Christian couple whose marriage was destroyed by over possessive jealousy. The lady was not allowed to look at the opposite sex. Looking at neighbours or greeting neighbours was a big problem. My question ma is what makes a man or woman so possessive and jealous and how does the spouse of such a person cope to avoid divorce? Thanks ma have a great day ma.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:14h, 18 December

      Well ma, I believe it is different things for different people. For some it may be ignorance, some fear, some anger, some their backgrounds, some distrust…
      But satan is at the very root.
      Prayers to God and working to earn a spouse trust, constant dialogue can go a long way.
      Thanks a lot for coming by ma, have a super blessed day!

  • Judith at WholeHearted Home
    Posted at 06:44h, 17 December

    This was excllent, Ugochi!! I loved the title as it is eye-catching. I am so thankful for a man that has never given me cause or made me worry about the opposite sex. He is so faithful. Searching his pockets and phone for texts and messages that would give rise to suspicion and worry has never been necessary or wise for that matter. It destroys trust. I suppose in a society where dating many different partners and being married to several different people would increase the feeling that your spouse is being unfaithful. I am thankful for 34 years with my husband.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 10:04h, 17 December

      Praise God! Congratulations Judith! Thank God for helping us trust Him and our spouses too!

  • Beth
    Posted at 16:53h, 16 December

    Interesting topic, Ugochi! I have seen this both where jealousy was unwarranted, and I’ve seen it when the jealousy is warranted, and in both cases it causes the accused spouse to feel smothered and untrusted. But I definitely think the jealousy must be discussed between the couple and often with the help of a neutral third party, in order to get clarity on what’s truly happening. Both extremes of “keeping tabs” have to do with trust, so that should be where the couple begins–along with an ultimate yielding and trust of God in the situation. Great thoughts, my friend and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 10:02h, 17 December

      Very true Beth, trust is the main issue here. Thanks a lot for coming by and have a super blessed Merry Christmas!