Don't Put Your Spouse In Competition
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Don’t Put Your Spouse In Competition

newly wed couple showing off rings

Don’t Put Your Spouse In Competition

No husband or wife wants to fight over his or her spouse with anything or anyone. We all want to know that we have our spouses to ourselves; we want to know that we are more important to them than anyone or anything else. We however, maybe without knowing, put our spouses in a competition they did not bargain for.

I’d Rather Be With…
A husband that keeps hearing, “I want to go to my mothers’” all the time from his wife may disregard it in the beginning but if it continues, he will begin to question himself and wonder if his wife is truly satisfied with him.
Like wise when a man keeps running to his parents’ all the time and spending time he hardly spends with his wife over there, he would make his wife uncomfortable at some point.

I Need To Be Nice To…
I sometimes see couples treat others in very special ways that they never get to treat their spouses, not necessarily just the opposite sex, but generally doing things and being things they hardly do or be for their spouses.
That nice voice tone, the concerned look, the check ups, the hospitality they display, and make their spouses wonder why they never get to see that side of their spouse when they are alone or at home

I Need to Give Attention to…
Some people pay more attention to Television, Internet, newspaper, phones, cars and many other things than their spouses and this leaves the spouse feeling like they have to compete with things for their spouse attention. This is not healthy for any marriage.

When a man gives other people the attention his wife never gets from him believing that he is just being nice…
When a woman always chooses to please others above her spouse with the thought that her husband will understand…
It does not go down well, especially when your spouse does not get that from you. When we give our spouses the impression they are in competition with our bosses, colleagues, jobs, parents, siblings, friends, parties, T V, games, or any other, over us, our affection and attention, we cause harm to our marriages.

No Guessing
Your spouse at all times must never wonder whether or not you are top on his or her list, besides God, above your work, parents, siblings and even children. When he or she cannot get the desired attention from you, there is a negative emotion deposited in his or her heart. When your spouse has to ask why you choose to be with friends, colleagues, or T V, instead of him or her, it points to a need you must pay attention to.

Make It Intentional
Some times these things happen unintentionally, we genuinely want to help some one, be nice to someone, read some, and watch some… but marriage should be an intentional relationship. Every couple must intentionally work at making their spouses feel particularly special above every other person or thing. This will build trust and security in their hearts and go a long way to bolster a marriage.
God, The Creator of marriage has called husband and wife one flesh. So like we would care and nourish and treat ourselves, and like we would want to be treated, we should endeavor to intentionally give our spouses that special treatment, attention and affection they demand and deserve.

In Conclusion
I will conclude with a scripture I saw again recently. After speaking to husbands and wives by The Spirit of God, the apostle Paul began his conclusion by saying:

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 1 Peter 3: 8

Are you putting your spouse in any kind of competition? Are you competing with something or someone over your spouse? Is there something you can and are doing about it?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013

Photo Credit – merledress



Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Michell
    Posted at 19:39h, 04 December

    Great post my friend! You’re right, we don’t intentionally do those things(well at least some of us), lol! One of the main reasons it happens is because we’ve let the spirit of familiarity get into our marriages. My husband has a rule at our church, no woman is to honor him and treat him with respect without first doing it for her husbands. And vice/versa with me, no man at our church is to show me honor and respect without showing it to their wife first. There’s just something about that, that lacks integrity!. Thanks for sharing and thanks so much for linking up! Blessings my friend!! 🙂

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 10:56h, 05 December

      Amen Sister! Thanks very much for coming by, do have a super blessed day!

  • Beth
    Posted at 18:55h, 04 December

    Very interesting and thought-provoking, Ugochi. I appreciate the many nuances you’ve observed and revealed to us through this post. It really can be a bad habit that we don’t recognize we’re doing, but it can truly discourage and even destroy a marriage when we don’t stop and remove those habits. I’m guilty of some of those from time to time, so this is a good reminder to me to make my spouse feel he is my number 2 – next in line, of course, to Jesus! 🙂

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 10:55h, 05 December

      We all do fall short from time to time, but we must not remain there. We must get up and make the changes expected like you have said. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note. Do have a super blessed day!

  • Lauren Jensen
    Posted at 15:14h, 04 December

    So many good points here! I especially like your point about being intentional- and the one about making sure your spouse never doubts that they are at the top of your list after God. Sometimes I get busy and I know he feels like he’s fallen down the line. I need to get better about that. Thanks for the reminder!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 17:23h, 04 December

      Thanks Lauren, what I write here also preaches to me I must state! But thank God for grace and ability to do the right thing. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!

  • Steve
    Posted at 13:58h, 04 December

    Thank you for sharing this post. It is so important to make our spouse a top priority and let them know that they are. When it comes to spending time and energy with our spouse verses other things, it is inevitable that there will be competition. We can not possibly give them 100% of our time and energy. But when that happens we should make it clear that there is no competition for our heart. You put it perfectly: “Every couple must intentionally work at making their spouses feel particularly special above every other person or thing.”


    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:51h, 04 December

      Very true, communication is necessary so we don’t get misunderstood and our spouse get reassured of their place in our hearts.
      Thanks for coming by Steve, do have a super blessed day!

  • ebiichyke
    Posted at 16:51h, 03 December

    Thanks for this very important reminder. We tend to take things for granted sometimes.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 09:10h, 04 December

      Yes we do. Thanks for coming by and leaving a note ma. Do have a super blessed day!

  • Steph
    Posted at 16:31h, 02 December

    Ouch. My toes hurt. Okay, actually this was a wonderful post. Made me stop and think. I don’t think I put my husband in a competition, but we will defiantly be talking tonight. Just to make sure I’m not unintentionally doing it. Thank you for helping me ask the hard questions 😉

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 12:49h, 03 December

      Great topic for discussion, lol! But seriously we need to ask some hard questions so we can make necessary adjustments. Thanks for coming by sis, have a super blessed day!

  • Rachel G
    Posted at 15:48h, 02 December

    This is such a good post! I think this is a big issue and such a necessary attitude to have within marriage!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 12:51h, 03 December

      I believe so too, we all love to be treated specially so we should do so to our spouses too!
      Thanks for by Rachel, do have a super blessed day!