When Submission Is Not An Option

When Submission Is Not An Option

For the past two weeks, I have been sharing on Love And Submission, and dealing on the issue of wives submitting to their husbands according to God’s commands. You can read the two articles HERE and HERE.
Now, I want to share on how to handle submitting to a husband who does not believe in Christ and His word. God totally commands a woman to submit to her husband in all things (Ephesians 5:22) and He still stands by that command, but He does not expect submission when a man demands that his wife do something that is contrary to scriptures.
Not all unbelieving husbands do this but because there is a difference in beliefs, principles and values, some couples have fewer common grounds to walk on.
So here are a few things I think a Christian woman can do when submission is not an option:

Commit your husband’s heart to God
The Bible says the heart of a king is in God’s hand and He can turn it whichever way He wants. Proverbs 21:1
So when difficult issues arise, issues that bother on your faith and God’s commands. Do not respond in a rush, take the time to pray and ask God for a change of heart for your husband. There is no heart God cannot change, no matter how hard or stony.

Respectful Dialogue
Go to your husband and respectfully present your case and the consequences of what he wants you to do will be for you and the marriage. So many husbands have listened to their wives on occasions when they dialogue with them, especially if their wives have lived an exemplary Christian life before them according to 1 Peter 3:1-2
I remember a case when a man demanded oral sex from his wife and she felt it was a perversion, after gently and respectfully telling him how she felt about it, he saw with her and never brought it up; they enjoy a great sex life.

Know When To Run
Some men can get violent when they think their wives are just trying to be insubordinate to them, some maltreat and beat their wives. I still believe that no matter what, obedience to God is superior to obedience to man. So in a case where the man is violent, I believe she should seek counsel in the appropriate quarters.

Let me conclude this article by sharing a very encouraging testimony, the testimony of how submission to God and His word can cause a change even in the most difficult heart.
This man was insisting that his wife submit to him, his wife told him she was willing to submit to him in everything except when it touches God. He told her he didn’t want her going to Church anymore but she lovingly told him she was not going to stop fellowship with her God in the assembly.
One day, she went to Church for an all night service and by the time she came home her husband had locked her out in the cold; it was snowing. Just before dawn he found her curled up by the door. She beamed a smile at him and said she was sure it must have been so cold without her. When she said he should hold on while she made him his favourite cup of coffee, he broke down in tears and told her he wanted what she had. This man is the Late Evangelist Smith Wigglesworth, a man who shook the world for Christ; that was the night his journey with Christ began.

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013

Have you as a wife ever been in a place where submission is not an option, do you know anyone who has had challenges like this and how they handled it?

Still continuing…


Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan a Christian, a minister of the gospel, an author, a speaker and a writer. Her book "To Kiss Or Not To Kiss." Is a favourite of its readers. She writes to inspire you for a better life in God. She is wife to Benson, mother of Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.


  1. […] conclusion of the series on Love And Submission (please read the preceding articles here, here, here and here), I must restate that determination to work their marriage must be present in the hearts […]

  2. […] For about three weeks now I have written on Love And Submission in marriage. These are the very basic ingredients for a successful marriage and home. Any home where these two ingredients are practiced in their real sense is guaranteed peace and joy. I have written three articles sequel to this one, in case you missed any of them, here they are; Love And Submission 1, Love And Submission 2 and When Submission Is Not An Option. […]

  3. Very well written blog on a topic that makes many uncomfortable. God gives us so many tools including our feet. Sometimes the very act of leaving to do what is right (going to church) can be the difference. Sometimes not using tools like friends, counselors, and emergency shelters turn out so wrong. Knowing when to accept help requires a strong woman. Enjoy Sharefest. I think this topic will be with me for a while. Challenging the faith is always important so we can grow. About your website, the social icons float over your text and make it hard to read the left side of your blog. At least with my computer they do block several letters. Trying to click on confirm you are not a spammer was tricky.

    1. I agree, being discerning is very important, thank God we have the Holy Spirit and God’s Word to guide us in every decision we want to make.
      On my blog, I will have a look at it. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed week ahead!

  4. Thanks for this inspiring words. When it comes to total submission, it is really difficult, only God’s Grace can help us. More Knowledge has been added, thanks a lot.

    1. Indeed only God’s grace can help us get it right. I am thrilled to know that more knowledge has been added to you. Thanks a lot for coming by and have a super blessed day!

  5. Wow! What a powerful testimony you shared about the evangelist and his wife! And the truths you point out about turning a terribly difficult situation around with Christ’s help are spot on! It’s never an easy journey to deal with these types of situations in marriage. But often the hardest parts of life are the best for us–God’s training ground in action. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us today, Ugochi. Submission is such a tough topic and you’ve addressed it with amazing precision and insight! Love it!

    1. I agree Beth, the hardest parts of life are the best times for God’s training. And with Him nothing and no one is too hard. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving your encouraging words. Have a super blessed day!

  6. I believe in my God and that he will protect me and love me. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband in all ways even though he doesn’t go to church with me. He has never asked me to go against my beliefs. Great post. Thanks for opening our eyes. Have a blessed day!

    1. Praise God Vicki! Thank God your darling husband belongs to this group of men like I said’ “Not all unbelieving husbands do this…”
      Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, have a super blessed day!

  7. This can be such a touchy subject, but I think you handled it with grace. I had never heard the story of Wiggleworth, what a great testimony! Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks a lot Alecia, God’s word is the greatest guide.
      WigglesWorth is a great testimony I agree. Thanks a lot for coming by, do have a super blessed day!

  8. Thanks for touching on this sensitive topic. I am glad you used the Wigglesworth example because it shows that Christ is the overall Head and the final submission must be to him. I would however like to add a word if I may; wisdom should be applied. Years ago, I wanted to attend a christian conference out of town and my husband was against my going. He then gave me all the (negative) reasons why I should not attend e.g. road accident etc. I desperately wanted to go and I sought the Lord in prayers. I had it laid on my heart not to go and was at peace because it was made clear to me, that the enemy planned to use this against me. The enemy looks for opportunities to destroy our faith and put us to shame but with godly wisdom, we can be guided so as not to fall. Stay blessed!

    1. This is so true. Everything we want to do must get God’s approval, and sometime God could speak through our husbands, believers or not. All we need to do is make sure we check with God. Thanks a lot for this input sister, do have a super blessed day!

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