02 Sep Telling Family
Mr. John (Not real name) could not contain his wife’s indifference to the things that really mattered to him. He always felt disrespected by his wife and he felt it was okay to tell his mum and siblings all about what went on in his home.
Now, you would agree with me that if anyone had any idea, or even just imagined that their brother’s or son’s wife was not treating them right, they probably would not be able to let it just pass. This is not right, but it would be a NATURAL /CARNAL reaction.
As a result there is always fights on phone between his wife and mother or siblings and his wife cannot understand why he takes these matters to them instead of talking with her to resolve them, she felt like he is reporting her to them and feels insecure in her marriage. Mr John wants peace in his home, but he has already talked too much.
Some wives do this too, sharing their matrimonial issues with their parents and/or siblings. This can lead to really ugly circumstances.
Couples should learn to deal with their marital issues themselves. The first thing they must do is look to God’s word for guidance, to know how to handle whatever it is that is going on, they must take to God first and foremost. If they think they must must share with anyone, it must be someone who would not be biased in judgement. Some one who would handle it objectively and most importantly someone who is deep in God and His word.
Sharing your marital issues with parents, siblings is not healthy because they would naturally want to take sides with you against your spouse. Especially if they do not know God or uphold His word in their own lives. It will pose serious threat in your marriage because trust and security will be shaken.
Every marriage has challenges, I have been married for 13 years, I have never shared and do not to share my marital issues with my mother or siblings. I have shared with my spiritual mentors and very few times.
PS – When it is life threatening however, I would suggest you speak up, but still to the RIGHT persons!
Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013
Rosey
Posted at 16:19h, 11 SeptemberThis is a good post. I learned a very long time ago that the people who love you most remember the bad things you tell them about a spouse and let it cloud their opinions even when there are many, many other good things they could be looking at… Your advice here is sound advice, for sure.
Ugochi
Posted at 16:24h, 11 SeptemberSo true, people tend to hold on to the bad. Thanks Rosey.
Mothering From Scratch
Posted at 16:21h, 03 September{Melinda} I agree … badmouthing your spouse is never good for your marriage. I have talked to others at times, very trusted people, to get godly advice about a specific situation — and a counselor — but the goal was not to complain or badmouth, it was to gain counsel to improve my marriage.
I love that you’re not afraid to tackle these important issues.
Ugochi
Posted at 09:45h, 04 SeptemberWe must get help from godly people, instead of struggling on our own. I just meant that telling family members always creates bias towards a spouse because of the love and attachment they have for the telling spouse. I have received godly counsel myself from those godly couples who have gone ahead of me. Thanks for your encouraging visits Melinda, I really do appreciate them.
Esther
Posted at 09:41h, 03 SeptemberI had a personal experience of this blog. My mum almost destroyed my marriage. She was going to fight my husband because I told her things that were happening at home. I learnt my lesson. I never open up to her anymore. My mum involved my uncle too. Very interesting. It almost became my husband vs my family. Exception to this rule will be physical and verbal abuse. They come under safety critical issues, and like you said, these issues must be discussed with the right people. Have a great day ma.
Ugochi
Posted at 12:39h, 03 SeptemberIt does get bad sometimes because they would naturally react in a bid to protect and defend us, but they might not go about it the right way. Thanks for coming by ma!
Tara Funair
Posted at 17:13h, 02 SeptemberI agree completely.
We do not discuss our marriage with our family.
We share good news or bad news and things about our children but never any issues and sometimes not even our triumphs. We’ve been married almost 18 years and together over 23.
It works for us
Ugochi
Posted at 18:08h, 02 SeptemberThis is very important Tara, because our parents or siblings may blow things up due to the love and attachment they have for and with us.
Congratulations! My husband and I have been married 13yrs today! Thanks a lot for coming by Tara!