Pressures Of Waiting For A Child - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Pressures Of Waiting For A Child

Pressures Of Waiting For A Child

Immediately after a couple gets married next thing expected is the cry of a baby in the house. This is very common especially in Africa, I cannot say exactly how it is for other places but it is a big deal in my country Nigeria. Just two months into my wedding my mother had already started asking if I had gotten pregnant. See what I mean?
I waited for what may seem a very short time for others but for me, it was like an indefinite wait, I blogged about it Here.

Waiting for a baby can be very challenging and disheartening for couples because it is something that is expected to happen naturally. And then picture when on top of the stress the couple is already going through family and friends begin putting undue pressures on the couple too.

Couples in this boat should be very careful other wise these pressures could tear them apart. They should refuse anything or anyone point fingers at any one of them and fill the other’s heart with blame for their spouse.

My husband told me once of a couple he once knew who always fought over every single issue, they had been waiting for a child but it just wouldn’t happen though they had both been certified medically okay. Some how, her attention was drawn to the trend they had been following; they were always quarreling over this issue when she was ovulating or he always travelled at that time of month. When she noticed this she did everything to maintain the peace and once when he was getting ready to travel again at that time of month, she packed up and followed him. That month she took in for their baby.
The devil is a trickster; he always wants to stop couples from standing as one before God. He seeks to keep them in strife and disunity. Couples should be sensitive to know that the devil would pull out any and every trick on them in order to cause offense in their hearts so that their prayers would be hindered.

Waiting for a child can cause a lot of strain but couples must maintain peace and joy in their hearts and homes in order to receive from God what He has promised. They must shun all negative suggestions and influences from friends and folks and keep their focus on God and His word.

My heart often goes out to these couples because I have had a taste of what they face. I always pray for them and trust that they will receive the desires of their hearts. I must admit that this wait is by no means a cupcake, neither is the tension easy, but when they immerse themselves in God, maintain a daily trust and rest in the knowing that His love for them is genuine, they will be empowered to wait in peace and God will show up for them.

I can only pray that God will grant them His peace while they wait.

Now may the Lord of peace Himself grant you His peace (the peace of His kingdom) at all times and in all ways [under all circumstances and conditions, whatever comes].The Lord [be] with you all.  2 Thessalonians 3:16 (AMP)

Can you relate in any way to what I have written here, do you know of any couple going through this right now?

© 2013 Teshuva

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Sharing With: Living Proverbs, Better Mom, Titus Tuesday, Winsome Wednesdays



Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • ebiichyke
    Posted at 15:10h, 07 October

    I waited for 5 and half years. After a 3rd miscarriage I was so, so depressed that I said things I should not have said.(later asked God for mercy) But in the midst of it all my husband would often say’this is not God’ we need to fight back. I remember a particular colleague who would often ask me what I was waiting for and that question often left me both sad and angry because it was all that mattered then. I learnt to be joyful . I learnt that everyone has issues. Theirs may not be having children. I learnt to thank God for the other things he had blessed me with.God in his mercy showed up and I had 3 children in four years.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 16:58h, 07 October

      Praise God ma! Joy and gratitude does open doors for and create the right atmosphere for miracles. I know this story and I pray someone who reads it here will get inspired and encouraged. Thanks a lot for coming by and sharing this encouragement. Have a super blessed day!

  • unyime-ivy king
    Posted at 14:23h, 23 September

    While I have not had to experience this pressure of waiting to have children, I know a few close friends and not so close friends who do, and it is heartrending when you see them so distraught. There is a pastor in my church who just had a baby some weeks back, after waiting for 19years! People had told him he was not desperate enough!!!The day the birth was announced, people wept for joy. I have a friend who waited for 6years and got all sorts of funny remarks from relatives and friends who told them they had not ‘prayed hard enough’ when she lost a pregnancy in its 6th month. Thankfully, she finally had a baby close to two years ago.

    I think it is most unfair for couples who have not had babies to be placed under so much pressure through the unkind and insensitive remarks of others. What they are facing is difficult enough, but the added pressure from external forces is sadistic. God makes everything beautiful in its time. Sometimes when you want something from God, you pray all you know to pray, believe all you know to believe, trust all you know to trust, but still that thing does not come through for you. Do you kill yourself? Life has to go on, and God is still God. Challenging times do not nullify the faithfulness of God. He still remains faithful, unchangeable.

    Childlessness is a very sensitive issue because few people, especially Africans would say they do not care if they do not have children. Sadly enough, there are still people that will still not have children until they pass this world, Does it make them sinners? NO! Does it hamper their ability to receive from God in other areas? NO! One can be a parent without necessarily birthing biological children. For couples experiencing this challenge, God has a way of bringing succor and I pray He keeps them strong and grants them an understanding that will bring peace.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 20:18h, 23 September

      Amen!We all need to feel their pain and pray rather than pressurize them.
      Thanks a lot for coming by!

  • Abiola
    Posted at 20:56h, 19 September

    I can totally relate with this beautiful post. I have close friends and sisters who have been married for years and still waiting for their special gifts in the form of children. One is married to a pastor and I keep trusting God for them.

    It’s really true some family members, friends and even the church sometimes do not help matters; some would often make insensitive remarks which may lead to depression. The road is definitely hard to tread but with God, it becomes easier.

    I remember an almost constant prayer point during our pre and post wedding (and almost every wedding I’ve attended), our pastor would pray that in 9month’s time, he would come to rejoice with us on the birth of our baby or babies. Even though we knew our pastors meant well but my husband always felt differently. He felt such prayers are better offered privately to prevent putting unnecessary pressure on young couples. Used to wonder what kind of man I was getting married to but just 4months after our wedding, I began to understand better amidst the mild pressure.

    I pray for every woman seeking the fruit(s) of the womb that they will receive double for their waiting in Jesus name.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 11:23h, 20 September

      Amen! This is my prayer too! The pain in the couples is more than enough, we and society does not need to add to it. Thanks a lot my sister for coming by and sharing your heart.

  • Carla
    Posted at 01:06h, 19 September

    What a beautiful post! I am sorry but I can not relate to this. My family has always been very fertile and I think waiting for a baby would be very different than waiting on something else. It is so good that the couple realized what was happening and were able to focus on not being stressed out and arguing.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:22h, 19 September

      Yes, waiting on a baby is quite very different. And yes it was a good thing they figured out the trick being played on them by the enemy.
      Thanks a lot for coming by, do have a super blessed day!

  • Tracy
    Posted at 12:22h, 18 September

    Hi Ugochi, such a beautiful post. It is so true that the devil has tricks that keep us from achieving being blessed by the Lord and often we fall for it. Your post was such a great illustration of figuring out what the devil was doing and counteracting it. Time to put those things into practice in all areas of my life. Again, great post
    God bless
    ps: thanks for linking up on Winsome Wednesday

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:19h, 19 September

      Thanks a lot Tracy, for coming by and leaving this encouragement.
      Do have a super blessed day!

  • Mothering From Scratch
    Posted at 16:59h, 18 September

    {Melinda} It was a different issue, but my husband and I had been having poor communication about an important topic. This week, we sat down and discussed it with an objective third party. It’s all out in the open and we now have a better understanding of where the other is coming from and we have a plan to address it. I feel like a huge weight was lifted. So I totally agree about getting on the same page (if possible) and quit fighting each other.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:20h, 19 September

      It sure does help when we understand each other and stick with each other against any negative third party. Unity creates the right atmosphere for God to step in.

  • Deborah
    Posted at 21:29h, 17 September

    I can relate with this. Being waiting for almost 5 years and it is VERY HARD. Almost unbearable, but for the grace of God. I may not understand why, but I know that this too will pass because He is faithful. I have learnt to guard my heart from bad thoughts. I have also learnt that it is easier to despair and be depressed than to trust that all things are possible with God expecially when you have done all you know and there is no result. But every day I choose to rejoice and trust in God’s unfailing love, resting on Christ’s finished work. I am so grateful for God’s love, He has made the waiting easier.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:16h, 19 September

      And His word will come to pass. I like your stand, anyone that honours God will be honoured. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. And I am getting ready to dance in praise to Him, His word is too sure to fail!

  • Rocks
    Posted at 03:41h, 17 September

    We’re married for 7 years now and still waiting for that precious gift. It is hard in our part and it is even more harder when people make comments.

    But we are hopeful and we will keep on praying.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:54h, 17 September

      Amen Rocks! I sure do know how it is…God will come true for you, He has done it so many times, yours will not be an exception. Thank God you are hopeful and still praying…
      Will keep you in my prayers too.

  • Kenya G. Johnson
    Posted at 02:23h, 17 September

    I can relate. Not by choice but my husband and I were married 8 years before we had my son. It got to the point that people asked, “Don’t you want to have kids?” My MIL was also the one to ask all too many times. I have just the one son and even though I am over 40 she still asks me about having another baby. She also gone as far as asking who didn’t want anymore me or my husband. Smh. I could go on an on here. What you have written is a heartfelt experience that so many people can relate to but don’t talk about.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:55h, 17 September

      So sad how insensitive people get about this that they do not consider how the people involved are feeling. So sad…

  • Esther Onimisi
    Posted at 05:39h, 17 September

    Faith is the only answer otherwise people and pressure will stop us from trusting God. I think I waited for about 2 years. But because we were not around family members we were able to cope well. We give glory to God. Amen. Our faith can withstand any pressure if we are united. Thanks for the blog ma.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:52h, 17 September

      Very true! True faith does not give in, it may be tried, but will stand! Thanks for coming by ma!

  • Judith at WholeHearted Home
    Posted at 19:51h, 16 September

    Yes, I have known couples that went through a long wait for a baby. Even when you have to wait a few months before getting pregnant it is hard, especially when your friends all get pregnant easily. This was such a good post, Ugochi. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:58h, 17 September

      Thanks Judith, waiting short or long is hard. I appreciate your coming by, do have a super blessed day!

  • Donna
    Posted at 00:48h, 17 September

    It is hard to wait. It’s hard when something that comes so easily and sometimes problematically just doesn’t happen. It is good to rejoice in your spouse.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:57h, 17 September

      Waiting is very hard… thank God for His grace.
      Thanks for coming by Donna, have a super blessed day!

  • OneMommy
    Posted at 19:08h, 16 September

    It does seem that quite often a couple gets married and people already are wondering when they will have children. For me it was my MIL. The bedroom wear she bought me at the wedding shower was embarrassing. But her constant questions really started to hurt when we were trying and it just wasn’t happening.
    For that reason I will never ask when someone plans to have children. You just don’t know what they are going through.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:02h, 17 September

      I will take this to heart, asking too many questions can cause pain.
      I always pray that God will make me a godly Mother-In-Law, that will be a source of joy to my children’s wives.