Marriage Is Not That Hard
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-2690,single-format-standard,bridge-core-3.0.6,qode-page-transition-enabled,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,qode_grid_1300,qode-child-theme-ver-1.0.0,qode-theme-ver-29.3,qode-theme-bridge,disabled_footer_bottom,qode_header_in_grid,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-6.10.0,vc_responsive

Marriage Is Not That Hard

difficult marriage

Marriage Is Not That Hard

I cannot forget when we first got married, how my husband always told me that we do not have to go through what people called the first hard years of marriage. He said other people’s experiences and most especially the word of God has given us the benefit of not having to go through unnecessary difficulties in marriage. He often said that if we follow God’s word from day one we would not have to “teeth” in marriage. And now after almost thirteen years of marriage, I wish I had taken him more seriously.

I have come to discover that most of the struggles we go through in our marital relations is rooted in the fact that we enter marriage alive, alive to our flesh and forgetting that the flesh profits us NOTHING (John 6:63), alive to flesh as it keeps yelling to us to think of ourselves instead of our spouse, to satisfy ourselves even if it means disobeying God and displeasing our spouse.
We all need to die!

Dying to the flesh means dying to rebellion; that spirit that fights all the time to make us do what our flesh wants against what God has instructed. It means choosing to do marriage God’s way even when our flesh, pride and ego get wounded. Though our flesh has already been subdued by our rebirth in Christ, we must be prepared to keep whipping our flesh every day as we take every step to Honour God in our marriage until our flesh falls and practically dies.

We suffer because we transgress. We transgress because we refuse to die. Marriage is not as hard as it seems, it only is to those who refuse to obey the commands concerning marriage.
…the way of transgressors is hard… Proverbs 13:15

Our focus as couples then should be on how to work hard on the flesh to KILL it! I hope you see my point. And it does take daily work, hard work, minute-by-minute, moment-by-moment, praying, reading the Bible, listening, acting and trusting. When we become dead, feelings of anger, bitterness, un-forgiveness and all those negative emotions will no longer find place in us, no matter the pressure. Rather The Holy Spirit gains liberty to manifest His fruit in us and in our marriage.

The bulk of the hard work in pursuit of success in marriage would then be to focus on “dying”. We must train our spirit to take charge of our flesh, we must read and fill our spirit with God’s word as we practice daily obedience to God Jesus is The Word, we kill the flesh, we “die” when we do this.

But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof. Romans 13:14

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. Galatians 5:16

We must work on dying daily so that we can keep our spirits alive to The Holy Spirit as He continually guides and leads us in the way to go. When we gain this understanding and make the choice to follow God’s instruction, refusing to feed our selfish nature, we will discover that marriage is not that hard.

Good understanding giveth favour: but the way of transgressors is hard. Proverbs 13:15

Is/was  your marriage hard, are you dying?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013



Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • unyime-ivy king
    Posted at 01:51h, 19 August

    The marital walk is a walk of dying to oneself on a daily basis and allowing God to have His way. Marriage is much easier when the two partners understand this. I do not believe in all the stories that marriage has to be hard. Yes, one will experience challenges, because no human being is challenge free, else we would not need God in our lives; but marriage does not have to be an uphill task. I have been married for 11+ years, and I am enjoying the experience because, asides the God factor, I have nothing to prove to my hubby and vice versa.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:44h, 20 August

      I agree totally, selflessness is very important if we must make a success of our marriages.

  • Maurice David
    Posted at 13:08h, 05 July

    I wish we can have this knowledge along with my wife. It is revealing. Thanks Ma.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:43h, 05 July

      God bless you Bro! You can always share it with her and let her read it.

  • Honeybee
    Posted at 13:10h, 04 July

    I enjoy this post. I feel so much blessed with my marriage and I know that this is not by our own strength but both of us surrendering, fully and completely to Him. THanks for sharing those scriptures. bookmarked!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:59h, 04 July

      Oh it is never by strength! I am grateful you enjoyed the post, praise God!
      Thanks for coming by and have a super blessed day!

  • Mothering From Scratch
    Posted at 19:54h, 02 July

    {Melinda} I’ve been married 21 years and I’m still trying to die to self. I’m also still learning that I can only control my own spiritual growth, not my spouse’s. When I concentrate on living in the Spirit, those effects often have a ripple effect. I would say that often people carry wounds and baggage into the marriage — some of which are rooted in generational bondage. These long-held patterns and history can be #1) difficult to recognize (what we grow up with can seem “normal” even if it’s very dysfunctional) and #2) to find a new way of living and viewing the world. The Holy Spirit is the only one that can help us do this. This has been my experience. I don’t think marriage is easy, but it (along with my children) is what God uses time and time to refine me and prompt me to die a little more to self. Awesome post.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 10:53h, 03 July

      Surely we are not responsible for our spouses’ spiritual growth, we can only pray, live it and encourage them. You are so right, only The Holy Spirit can help us die, as we make up our minds and surrender to Him for help. And marriage is sure a training ground and no training is easy… but with The Holy Spirit, it will not be too hard.

  • Barbara Isaac
    Posted at 12:46h, 02 July

    love this… marriage is only as hard as we refuse to give in to Holy Spirit. And marriage is such a wonderful picture of Jesus and the church. Thank you so much for this.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 10:43h, 03 July

      Giving in to The Holy Spirit does make it a lot easier.
      Thanks a lot for coming by, hope to see you often.
      Do have a super blessed day!

  • Vernon
    Posted at 09:04h, 02 July

    All I can say is, God gives you what you need every time! I was going through sometime with my wife then I surrendered to the Holy Spirit and he lead me to your blog. GOD IS GOOD! I’m slowly learning how to die to self. THANKS!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 10:46h, 03 July

      All praise to God sir! I am very grateful to know this.
      Thanks a lot for coming by, enjoy a super blessed day today!