How To Deal With Resentment - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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How To Deal With Resentment

forgiveness, spouse, wife, husband, marriage

How To Deal With Resentment

forgiveness, spouse, wife, husband, marriageA man told of how his wife cannot seem to look him in the eye or face. She seems to get irritated at every instance and reacts negatively at almost every thing he says or does. He said it all began when his mother spent some time at their house and went over boards with her criticism. She caused his wife so much pain and since then he had become like an enemy to his wife. There has been this cold wall between them since that time and try as he could; she just couldn’t warm up to him anymore.
One woman shared with me about how her husband detests and hates her. She told me so many things that had gone on in their marriage and how she has had to swallow a lot of disregard, disrespect and neglect from her husband. I asked her if this was how the relationship was from the beginning and she said no. I also asked if she remembered when things turned sour and what led to the sourness. She thought for a bit and told me it had to do with money, she had taken some money without letting her husband know and that seemed to had put him off, for several years now. He seems to find it difficult to let it go and things have never been the same since then, he resents her and treats her with a cold attitude.

This is a sad reality and I know that the spouses had been truly wronged but his or her reaction was completely theirs. To forgive or not to forgive is a choice, we all have the choice to make, forgiveness is for the good of the forgiver. Un-forgiveness gives birth to something deeper and worse.

“The root of resentment is mostly bitterness, which is rooted in un-forgiveness. The way to deal with, and conquer resentment is to always forgive a wrong immediately the wrong is done; whether or not an apology is tendered. Sometimes waiting for an apology causes the anger to take even deeper root.”
This can be hard as the flesh always seeks revenge and pride always seeks to be fed, but it is a battle against the flesh we must fight and fight to win.

Resentment tears any marriage apart because there is no more warmth in the relationship and the couple drifts apart. When a couple no longer care about what is going on with each other or what is going on their marriage, a crumbling is inevitable.
Like Third Day sang, “families never crumble in a day.” It starts from un-forgiveness and irreconcilability.

Besides the damage resentment can cause in marriages, it will also cost a person eternity in paradise, with our Heavenly Father. Heaven is not worth losing over holding on to what someone has done to us. This should motivate us to immediate forgiveness.

Let all bitterness…be put away from you… Ephesians 4:31

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Hebrews 12:15

How would you stop this deadly feeling of resentment from creeping up on you?

Sharing With: Living Proverbs, Mom’s Mingle, Better Mom, Titus Tuesday

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • unyime-ivy king
    Posted at 01:41h, 19 August

    Resentment is progressive, and if it it is left unchecked, it can destroy a relationship. Our partners will do things which will cause resentment to run in our hearts. Forgiving and trusting God to help erase the hurt/bitterness building up, is key. May God help us. We cannot run this race in our own strength because we will fail woefully!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:45h, 20 August

      Amen! We are totally failures without God’s help.

  • Mothering From Scratch
    Posted at 13:50h, 10 July

    {Melinda} To keep resentment from taking root, I think you are right — we have to turn our hurt over to the Holy Spirit immediately. I think this is especially true when our spouse refuses to change and continues to inflict the same wound or wounds over and over again. I think the Holy Spirit can give us wisdom about what boundaries we need to set for ourselves or our spouses that may help to not put us in the position of being wounded repeatedly in a certain area. That is a very individual thing.

    I have a question though about what you said at the end … Not sure I’m understanding correctly. Are you saying that being resentful can cause us to lose our salvation?

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:31h, 10 July

      Some spouses can be very careless as not to take seriously what things they do that hurt their spouses, and this is so very difficult to deal with.
      However, God will not ask what us what our spouses did to us or why they did it to us, those questions are for our spouses, He would rather ask us why we disobeyed Him by not forgiving. I really believe that God will not ask us to forgive if He knows we cannot, it only comes down to what we choose, obedience to God is a fight between the flesh and the spirit, a battle we must always fight to win, shouting down the flesh, pride and selfishness. His commandment to love is not dependent upon how the other person treats us, He even said to “love our enemies.”
      I fight to forgive every day and it is a fight I am determined to win, and I am winning because I want to be forgiven when I make a mistake. I know Melinda that resentment is deeply rooted in hatred and un-forgiveness, God says if we do not forgive He will not forgive us and that really should scare us enough to do everything we can to unite with God to love, no matter how hard it gets on our flesh. If we do not forgive we cannot be forgiven. If we are not forgiven how then can we make heaven? I believe resentment is disobedience and disobedience cannot be admitted in Heaven.

  • Uzo
    Posted at 09:16h, 10 July

    Forgiveness is the key!
    Be a wife and a husband, not a knief ——- forgive always

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 09:37h, 10 July

      Thats the way to go!!!

  • Cindra
    Posted at 02:48h, 09 July

    Very insightful.

    I once had someone tell me that my only answer was to forgive and forget (Oh, sorry, that’s what I thought Christ did) 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:28h, 09 July

      And as followers of Christ that is exactly what we ought to do! Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving your thoughts here, do have a super blessed day!