The Last Word - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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The Last Word

Last Word, marriage, love, spouse

The Last Word

Last Word, marriage, love, spouseGrowing up in secondary school (middle/high school), I have seen a lot of battle with words, the few months I spent living in exposed even more intense word battles to me. These battles almost hardly came to an end until it got physical because each person involved wanted to have the last word. These battles always got me really scared; I disliked confrontations, exchange of words and much more, physical fights. I hate to be beaten, though I got one… You can read about it here.

I have come to know that in marriage as in any other relationship arguments get intense and result to hateful batter of words because both husband and wife wants the war to end on their notes, they always want to have the final word. Pride is the culprit, meekness and humility would have no such disparaging desire, and they would rather let it go.

Husbands think, “I am the head of this home and I should not let her have the final word, or she would ride on it!”

Wives think, “If I let him have the last word he will not cease to trample on me, I must have my say!”

Neither of the two thoughts makes it right; couples should learnt to talk to each other with respect and give listening ears too, they both have their parts…

A few times I have managed to let go and swallowed my words because I thought of the effects they could have (even though I was raging inside in spite of the calm I tried to maintain outside) and I saw the positivism in it. So I am trusting God as I yield myself to His training to know when to stop… or whether not to speak at all.

At other times I have blabbed on without thinking and have experienced the hurt it brings (not pleasant at all).

If every husband and every wife trains themselves (yes it does require a lot of training, by the help of God’s Word and His Holy Spirit), to not desire to have the last word on issues in their marriage, to listen more than speak, to give their spouses opportunities and security to speak, I believe there would be less arguments and more intelligent, mature and benefiting discussions in our homes.

Love…is patient and kind… It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly)…. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking 1Corinthians 13:4,5 AMP

It might look like you are a fool, you might even “feel” foolish, but God’s ways do not make sense to our feelings, but its rewards cannot be calculated.

Do you always desire to have the last word in your marriage, what results did it produced? Are you willing to get in training with The Holy Spirit so you can learn to let the desire go?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
teshuva7@gmail.com

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

28 Comments
  • Kendra @ AProverbs 31 Wife
    Posted at 22:31h, 09 June

    Hi Ugochi, just thought I would give you a heads up that I am featuring this post in tomorrow’s link up 🙂
    Have an awesome week!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:11h, 10 June

      Thanks a lot Kendra, I feel very honoured. Do have a super blessed day!
      Love

  • Susie@homemaker-mom.com
    Posted at 03:04h, 07 June

    That is an amazing on time post girl. You spoke right to what I needed to hear today and what this world full of hurting marriages needs to hear! Thank you sister!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:04h, 07 June

      Praise God Susie! Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving your thoughts, do have a super blessed day! Love

  • momto8blog
    Posted at 02:35h, 06 June

    oh silence!!!! it is beautiful at times!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:22h, 06 June

      Yes it is… sometimes it calms the angriest of hearts.

  • Betty Taylor
    Posted at 18:55h, 05 June

    My husband is a last word kind of guy. I have learned at times he needs the last word. I let him have it and then later I can bring up the subject in another calmer way and he will listen to my opinion. Sometimes it is just about understanding the mood of the other person.

    Visiting from DYWW

    http://agutandabutt.blogspot.com/

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:21h, 06 June

      I agree Betty, we must know when to stop, watch and listen, and when to speak too. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!
      Love

  • Hope
    Posted at 17:20h, 05 June

    Man. A valuable lesson I had to learn at the beginning of my marriage. I don’t have to have the last word..I don’t even want o. But if I choose not to speak, but also to NOT listen, the outcome can be as detrimental to marriage as fighting for the last word. I like what you said about couples learning to talk to each other with respect and GIVE LISTENING EARS too, they BOTH have their parts… Thank you for this awesome reminder.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 22:33h, 05 June

      Praise God, you are very correct Hope! Silence with holden anger is truly detrimental too.
      Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!
      Love

  • Lisa notes...
    Posted at 14:00h, 05 June

    I think this would make a great spiritual discipline to practice: letting go of the last word. Thanks for sharing this. Amen!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:25h, 05 June

      Amen! Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving a note, do have a super blessed day!
      Love

      • Helene
        Posted at 00:06h, 06 June

        I totally agree. There should be a discipline to practice of being able to be silent in the end!

        • Ugochi
          Posted at 19:41h, 06 June

          Discipline and practice will help a lot!

  • Trinity
    Posted at 13:19h, 05 June

    Learning to bridle our tongues requires discipline – a necessary discipline to survive in marriage. I’m visiting today from the Doing You Well Wednesday Blog Hop! It’s good to visit your blog again!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:03h, 05 June

      It sure does Trinity, thanks a lot for visiting again. Do have a super blessed day!
      Love

  • Joanne Viola
    Posted at 10:45h, 05 June

    Thank you for sharing. Good thoughts here. You are so right – it takes training. It takes repeatedly doing what we know God has told us for our own good. And in time we reap the benefits. So glad I visited from Doing You Well 🙂
    Blessings,
    Joanne

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:19h, 05 June

      Training is required for complete obedience. Thanks a lot for coming by Joanne, and have a super blessed day!

  • rea
    Posted at 18:02h, 04 June

    just like you ugochi, i don’t like confrontations, arguments much more a fight…when i am mad or do not agree with somebody – i just keep quite…that way it will not provoke anybody because it makes me feel dizzy to be in a confrontational situation…** yeah i don’t know..i like to avoid it…
    and when everything calms down then i talk calmly and hoping that person is calm already so we can discuss the issue more clearly, otherwise i will not discuss the issue…

    thanks for linking with Fun Friday Blog hop and i hope to see you back!
    huggies♥
    rea

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:31h, 04 June

      Remaining and talking calmly does save us a lot of heartaches and troubles. Thanks for coming by and leaving your thoughts.
      Have a super blessed day!
      Love

  • Ngina Otiende
    Posted at 20:39h, 04 June

    I like what you’ve said about training ourselves Ugochi. I think sometimes we expect Godly traits to “fall on us” without work. While it’s grace that enables us to be who we should be, we must co-operate with and be in agreement to experience the grace.

    Am still a work of progress..but am not where I used to be praise the Lord 🙂 Great reminder today, thanks for sharing!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:47h, 04 June

      Amen Ngina! God’s traits will not fall on us like you said Ngina, we must work at it. Thanks a lot for coming by, do have a super blessed day!
      Love

  • Kimberly
    Posted at 19:36h, 04 June

    How TRUE! Our words can be weapons or can heal. A very wise, mature, Godly woman told me…”sometimes, you just have to let him have the last word.” This advice has served me well in several relationships. When I changed my behavior, it was interesting to see how others responded. I learned that some people just ENJOY being oppositional! “Love is NOT SELF-SEEKING” – Thank you for this beautiful reminder!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:49h, 04 June

      Truth I have met quite a few who enjoy being oppositional, but with God we can handle them. Thanks Kimberly for coming by today, do have a super blessed day.

  • Lahyorz
    Posted at 16:04h, 04 June

    Being quiet is not the easiest thing to do LOL! I can however testify to the fact that when I have kept or rather, asked the Lord to keep the gate of my lips, I have always been vindicated. How? Somehow, one way or another, I receive an apology. It’s not because I was right but holding my peace humbles me and I think that speaks louder than my ‘loud returns’.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 17:10h, 04 June

      I agree, it takes humility to be quiet when the mouth is in a hurry to speak. Plus it is very rewarding… Thank God He gives us grace.

  • Kendra @ AProverbs 31 Wife
    Posted at 21:37h, 03 June

    I have the hardest time with shutting up. Sometimes I think if I could just keep my mouth shut things wouldn’t escalate the way they do at times. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:41h, 03 June

      Things sure won’t, we just need to consciously practice “shutting up” God help us!