Growing Hard Or Growing Up - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Growing Hard Or Growing Up

couple, love, teshuva, forgive

Growing Hard Or Growing Up

couple, love, teshuva, forgiveDue to my job I interact a lot with people, single, married, divorced, single moms and dads and I always learn a thing or two from many such interactions.

One woman for instance told me that her husband hardly takes her serious. He makes a joke out of it when she tells him something he said or did that hurt her, or that she didn’t like. She said she was not happy about this and has tried to make him see but he keeps trivializing these things and it bothers her a lot, she was tired of not being taken seriously when she is hurting. He often told her to choose to be happy and bother less about little things, she should grow up and stop picking on everything he or any one said or did. I told her he was trying to help her learn to live a worry free life.
She was probably a bit serious and he the carefree, jolly happy fellow, who didn’t think anyone should have any bother. Their match is no mistake, they are supposed to compliment one another and bring balance in the relationship and their home, but they must both work at it.

My own husband is always too excited about life, many times he does not even know when he says or does something that offends anyone. So I told the lady I had an idea of what she meant.

She said she was tired of telling him these things and she finds that in a bid to not let them get to her, she tries to numb herself, but this is taking a toll on her sensitivity towards her husband. Every time he tells her to grow up, she grows harder in her heart towards him in resentment and her marriage is suffering… Her husband does not even notice.

A man told of how he too grew cold and hard towards his wife when she would not take his corrections seriously, he got tired of talking because he felt his wife saw him as being too controlling. He went silent in the home and it was a tough time for both of them. In a bid to see if silence could help, his heart grew hard towards her. But he was encouraged to keep telling her but perhaps in a nicer way.

There is a difference between growing hard and growing up. Growing hard means turning cold and insensitive to your spouse due to bottled up anger, bitterness and other of those emotions while growing up means choosing love, joy, forgiveness, happiness and laughter in spite of what your spouse does to you. I often get motivated to love in spite of anything because I want to please God and spend eternity with Him. What motivates you to love in spite of…

The common saying goes that you cannot choose people’s actions towards you, you cannot choose many life situations but you can choose how you react to them. It really is your choice.
I will never forget how I asked myself, am I growing up or growing hard…have you asked yourself this before?

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted… Ephesians 4:32

© 2013

Sharing With: Titus Tuesday, Matrimonial Monday, Better Mom, Mom’s Mingle

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Rosey
    Posted at 14:53h, 26 June

    This is so true, and if we act/react positively, we can be confident that we’re doing the right thing, regardless. I’ve seen a consistent positive attitude change even the reactions of the sourest of people. 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:57h, 26 June

      Positivity does have power to influence anyone.

  • Joann
    Posted at 00:06h, 20 June

    Sometimes if our partner is insensitive to our feelings and we tell them over and over with no results I have been told that if we write down in a letter to them it is taken more serious. But I believe it must be done in love and not accusing. Like Ugochi says two wrongs do not make a right. I myself have found if I present it in prayer first and ask Gods help he send his Holy Spirit to put the correct words in my mouth. We can never go wrong doing everything in the love of God.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 23:33h, 20 June

      Very true Joann, talking to God about it and receiving wisdom on how to present it is very important. Love never does fail!
      Thanks for sharing some of your wisdom here, have a super blessed weekend!

  • john
    Posted at 19:57h, 18 June

    Dear mama J, your words are very imteresting, how I wish my wife could get your posts alway especially this one, you just spoke about us.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:35h, 18 June

      I am grateful you find it so. You can tell your wife to subscribe to receive updates. Once she does she will be receiving all posts into her mail box. She can do so by putting her email address in the box after this post and clicking the link in the mail she will receive. I hope this post will bring a positive change in your marriage. Thanks a lot for coming by, have a super blessed day!

  • Vernon
    Posted at 05:24h, 18 June

    Our attitudes and actions tells it all. For me, in the process of growing up, I had to experience the pain of growing hard. Once we build a loving relationship with Christ we no longer wants to grow hard. This process offers hope for restoring relationships.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:04h, 18 June

      Building our relationship with Christ turns every hardness of heart around. Thanks for coming by Vernon, do have a super blessed day!

  • Abiola
    Posted at 09:43h, 18 June

    The young woman’s story mirrors mine and I am thankful to God for where I am today. It’s a learning process but I choose to grow up.

    I believe this issue is common in most young marriage relationships because the early years is the ‘teething’ process where you get to really know each other. Someone told me a long time ago that marriage is a different ball game from courtship, he also added that its the only institution where you get your certificate before the lessons; I see the wisdom in those words the very first few months into our union.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:30h, 18 June

      I agree that early years of marriage has its challenges. But like my husband often told me, when we decide to abide by God’s instruction from the beginning, we escape most of those teething problems. And it is true that marriage is quiet different from courtship. Thanks a lot for coming by Biola, do have a super blessed day!

  • Julie Sunne
    Posted at 22:20h, 17 June

    You’re right, Ugochi, we do have a choice in how we react to others. It does seem it is the hard to act “grown up” with those closest to you. That’s when we need to draw nearer the Lord and ask for His guidance and strength. Thanks for the reminder to extend grace to those nearest. Blessings, Julie.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:02h, 18 June

      Asking help from God is the answer Julie. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving your thoughts. Do have a super blessed day! Love

  • Renee
    Posted at 15:33h, 17 June

    I’m coming to you from a Proverbs 31 Wife link up. I wrote a post today that is similar in thought! I agree with you in your thoughts here- what you do with what you’ve been handed is up to you! Thanks for sharing!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 19:35h, 17 June

      Thanks for coming by Renee. Have a super blessed day!

  • Lara
    Posted at 17:59h, 17 June

    I know this feeling, it is a feeling I have towards my mother nowdays, she never takes me serious and I find my self feeling insensitive towards her.

    This is a good read and I am glad that I read this.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:27h, 18 June

      Oh no Lara! You do not have to feel like that, two wrongs CANNOT make right. If you know how, please prayerfully discuss this with her and then work on your heart by opening it up to God so that you can know how to love your mother and forgive her. You must honour her according to God’s instructions in Ephesians 6, and you cannot if you are cold towards her, when you forgive, let go of your heart towards your mother, then you give God room to also forgive you. I will keep you in my prayers Lara.

  • Beth
    Posted at 17:42h, 17 June

    This is great, Ugochi! “Am I growing hard or growing up.” I love it! And yes, that described me in the early days of my marriage–growing hard. I didn’t recognize it as that at the time, but now in hindsight I see it clearly. You’ve given some amazing advice to your friend and to us today. I’m praying God uses it to soften the hearts of those who are “growing hard.”

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 19:40h, 17 June

      Amen Beth, thanks a lot for coming by and for your encouraging words.
      Do have a super blessed day!

  • Mothering From Scratch
    Posted at 17:27h, 17 June

    {Melinda} I’m having a difficult loving in one of my close relationships right now. Truly, the biggest thing that spurs me on is the command by God to love. But love doesn’t mean being silent and allowing any or all behavior. It means being willing to risk by telling the truth and even bringing in godly counsel to echo your words. It’s not easy, but sometimes it’s the only way to make things better.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 19:39h, 17 June

      Not at all Melinda, silence sometimes leaves us bottled up with emotions that cause a wreck they finally explode!
      Thanks again for coming by, I know you will let love win in your relationship, will talk to God about it too.
      Have a super blessed day!