22 Things Couples Should Not Say To Each Other
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22 Things Couples Should Not Say To Each Other

a woman's hand on her husband's hand

22 Things Couples Should Not Say To Each Other

When couples get caught in the heat of an argument, and allow anger to fly off the handle, there is very high tendencies that the tongue would set off very strong and heart wrenching words and if left any longer without caution from one or both spouses, words that can cause serious damage to the relationship will be let out because in anger there is no wisdom and in foolishness, thoughts are neither right nor coordinated and immediate gratification without thoughts of consequence is in play.

When anger is encouraged by one or both spouses, angry and battering words ensue and the damages done by those words most times take a painfully long time to deal with, that is, if the couple will be willing to deal with them.

Below are some of the words I have come to know hurt couples, words they tend to hold on to, words they seem to remember and recount at different occasions.

  1. I told you so, (Especially with an attitude)
  2. You are irritating
  3. I wish I never met you
  4. You are such a fool
  5. So and so (my ex) would never do a thing like that
  6. I cannot forgive you for this one
  7. Your family sucks
  8. Why can’t you be like that woman or that man?
  9. My life was better without you
  10. 10. You have brought me nothing but misery
  11. I want a divorce
  12. You need to go learn how to treat your spouse (with an attitude)
  13. Your parents didn’t raise you right, that’s why you behave so badly towards me
  14. Your parents didn’t model a good marriage to you, no wonder we have to go through all of this
  15. What will you ever do right in your life?
  16. You are the greatest mistake I have ever made in life
  17. I hate you
  18. I should have listened better to God, I am sure He didn’t want me to marry you
  19. When will you grow up to your responsibilities in this home?
  20. Don’t touch me with those filthy sorry hands of yours!
  21. You will not amount to much
  22. Shut your dirty mouth

The words above and many more can cause irreparable damages to marriages. Hurtful words can affect the self-esteem of a couple and leave them feeling broken and unworthy, angry and revenge seeking. No body will be able to live successfully and happily with a broken or crushed person.

A wise man or woman who senses tempers flaring could just “remember something” and dash off to another room or suddenly “feel pressed” and ask to use the toilet, say a quick prayer while in there, spend a “little” time, flush the toilet and generally make an attempt to douse the angry atmosphere in order to avoid a clash of words.

Couples should learn to talk over issues in a calm and understanding manner. Reminding themselves that they are trying to find a solution to and not compound the problems.

Proverbs 21:23 
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
Proverbs 12:18 (AMP)
There are those who speak rashly, like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 15:4 (AMP)
A gentle tongue [with its healing power] is a tree of life, but willful contrariness in it breaks down the spirit.
James 1:19
Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. 

I know my list is inexhaustible, what would you add?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Wife broken
    Posted at 21:30h, 05 April

    There is a time for evrything and a season for every activity under heaven…..a time to be silent and a time to speak…when my words are many,sin is not absent, but when I hold my tongue I am considered wise…

  • Vicky
    Posted at 12:04h, 18 April

    From 2 to the last will mar any marriage. Too harsh.

  • RexU
    Posted at 14:22h, 19 March

    This is one of the foxes I was guided against when I was searching for a life partner, it can be very destructive. I pray God should give us wisdom to know how to talk to our spouse calmly at all time. Thanks ma for this great post.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 14:33h, 19 March

      Amen! Destructive indeed, words are very impactful, negative words impact negatively. Thanks a lot for coming by, I hope to see you here more often, have a super blessed day!

  • ralph
    Posted at 09:52h, 29 May

    Great post ma. Couple should beware of Anger! It makes people to say sometimes what they don’t mean leaving the other party wounded. Great work ma. more grace

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:29h, 29 May

      Truth Bro, anger has no godliness in it.
      Thanks a lot for coming by!

  • OneMommy
    Posted at 14:51h, 25 May

    Shwww! Haven’t said any of those. Have to agree, I can see where any of those could definitely hurt a marriage. Never say anything in anger you can’t take back.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 22:43h, 27 May

      So true OneMommy, words said in anger cannot be taken back.

  • Hope
    Posted at 19:45h, 24 May

    It so amazing that reading the list now, we may think that those are such horrible things to say, but in the midst of a heated argument, we allow our tongues to let lose and it can cause irreparable damage and harm. Great post!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:49h, 25 May

      Anger does not produce any godliness, God help us to deal with anger.

  • Andrea
    Posted at 21:59h, 21 May

    Some of the things on this list are too much. I couldn’t imagine saying some of these things to my husband. Then again I didn’t imagine I would say some of things that are listed, but I have. Yelling profanity is a no-no as well. Visiting from SITS. http://www.be-quoted.com

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:54h, 22 May

      We have said hurtful words to our spouses at one time or the other, I have… But by deliberate submission of our hearts and tongues to God, by choosing to love so much that anger is subdued, we can stop. And that is where I am at right now.
      Thanks for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!

  • Helene
    Posted at 13:04h, 21 May

    I read your list with growing horror. It hurt to imagine my husband saying any of those things. I am happy to say we have been married for almost 14 years without passing those terrible things through our lips. We’ve not been faultless but I was relieved to see we made it through this gauntlet!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:24h, 21 May

      I am horrified too, when I hear some of the things couples say to each other, not that I am guiltless either. But the hurt is real, the damages are real but the ability to stop and never hurt with words is real also. Thanks a lot for coming by and congratulations for making it through this gauntlet, lol!
      Do have a super blessed day!

  • Anna Popescu
    Posted at 16:30h, 21 May

    I have often thought and said that we should treat those we live with better than anyone else — whether that means our spouses, children, or other family members who are living with us. We definitely receive back what we give out. I can’t think of anything to add to your list but I do have a suggestion for what to say to your spouse: THANK YOU!!! for the big things AND the smallest of things they do for us. And say it like you mean it.

    I cannot tell you what a huge difference this makes in a marriage relationship!


    • Ugochi
      Posted at 17:37h, 21 May

      Oh yes I agree, I’d probably follow your cue and do one on the positive words that can encourage our spouses and enhance our relationships!
      Thanks Anna!

  • Howard Odigie
    Posted at 16:17h, 21 May

    I would not want to add to the list. Reading through the 22 things “TOUCHED” me. Deeply. And to realise that even as new creatures in Christ some of us actually say such things to our spouses. With the same mouth we use in saying “I love you more than my life?” Lets ask God for the grace NEVER to say any of those 22 things or anything that sounds like them.
    Thank you ma, This list na full syllabus o!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 17:33h, 21 May

      Lol! Amen Bros, God’s help is available to us all.

  • Mothering From Scratch
    Posted at 13:57h, 21 May

    {Melinda} My mouth can get me into such trouble! I was relieved to see I hadn’t said any of the things on the list, but I sure can’t take any pride in that because I’ve said plenty of things NOT on the list that I shouldn’t have. Sarcasm is my downfall. I’ve been reading James this week and have been convicted on that point. Thanks for another Scripture-based, convicting post!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:03h, 21 May

      Many times our mouths need spiritual gags. Thank God for His word that is able to build us up and tame our tongues. Thanks for coming by Melinda!