When We Want Our Spouse To Change
It can be frustrating trying to talk your spouse into changing some things about him/herself and you do not seem to see any changes at all. Since the inception of our marriage close to thirteen years now, I have tried to nag talk my husband into talking like me, softly and with some amount of diplomacy but it proved abortive.
See, my husband mostly talks straight up and blunt, he does not like going round in circles, he just tells you the truth as it is. While this is not wrong, I do believe that with some people, especially sensitive people (like me), there should be some sensitivity so that they can accept the truth he tells them without misunderstanding him. But just yesterday to my sheer delight, I saw and heard him talking about diplomacy in speech and in dealing with people.
Variety, they say, is a spice of life and God is a God of variety, He knows how to put the right people in the mix and create beauty out of our differences, that is, if we let Him.
Most times in marriage we all seem to want our spouses to behave in a certain way, probably think like us, react like us, talk like us, sit like us, sleep like us…
It hardly happens any way and if we are insistent, and keep talking and nagging and getting upset it will lead to frustration and a total lack of joy in the home.
I have told my husband like he too has told me often how he has told me to change a particular thing time and time again and yet…
We Can Be The Change
I know there are some things our spouses do that are not right and we (And God) would really love for them to stop doing those things.
Take me for instance, I really desired for my husband to be at least a bit soft-spoken, a bit more diplomatic in his speeches and a bit tenderer with people, but nagging at him has never yielded any result. But rather as I took it to God in prayer and stopped complaining, I have seen God nudge and prompt him into realizing the need for change and he is striving.
So, instead of telling our spouses time after time about their faults and the need for change, we should rather change our reactions to those faults and take our desires for our spouse to God in prayer. He is the one who created them and knows how best to cause a change in them, but note that God wants us to love them even with their faults otherwise we will not get God’s attention in our prayers for our spouses.
Whenever you are tempted to nag tell your spouse how you have said something time after time, switch your heart to how even you have not completely made changes in the areas God has demanded for you to, and how you also have not made the changes your spouse have required from you. When you do this, the urge to complain or nag will die.
I am working seriously on not having to tell my husband “But I have told you about this time after time!” It has never done our marriage or me any good. So I am rather putting more energy into growing in love and trusting God to do in him what only Him can do.
How about you, are you working on avoiding using the phrase “Time After Time” in this regard?
Are you praying more and nagging talking less?
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Copyrigtht© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2013