ATTRACTED OR NOT - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Couple of days ago a young friend of mine asked my thoughts about a situation. A male colleague of hers has been asking her out on a date but she has not had the time to go out with him.

Truth is, she does not want to make the time because she is not in any way interested in this guy, and there is no attraction whatsoever.
She admits that he is not a bad person, he loves and serves God but she does not think both of them stand any chance because she does not feel for him what she thinks he feels for her.
She has told him in more than words that she is not disposed to him. She refuses to take his calls, does not reply his messages but he just keeps stalking her.
Her friends have been putting pressures on her to give him a chance, at least date him and see if anything could happen in her for him. She has tried it once but she still didn’t feel right about it. But he keeps asking and her friends think she should give it more chances.
She asked me to tell her what I think. Here are the things I said to her and more:
Well… I believe that before you start any relationship (With marriage in mind), there must be something that makes you want to even be with that person, once that “thing” is not there I do not think it should be forced.
I believe attraction is important in every relationship and if you are not attracted, if there is no chemistry on your part, then I believe there is no point venturing in. (Not saying attraction means is all that is needed)
On the flip side, if you find just one tiny-little-bitty thing you like in a person, just a tiny spark then there is the likelihood that given time it may develop into something great.
But I strongly do not believe that when you know deep down in your heart that you are not drawn in any way to a person, you should keep seeing the person. I believe it would be deceit, because whether you know it or not when you constantly “see” this person you are giving hope that something is happening or could happen. Or if you keep seeing him or her, you might marry out of pity and into serious pitfalls. (Proximity can do a lot…)
Besides, for children of God I believe this should not really be a problem, when a person asks you out, whether or not you feel attracted to this person you should listen to The Holy Spirit on your inside for a go ahead before you even venture. This is because the attraction you feel could be plain fleshy desires but God is not in it, if you follow God’s leading however, you cannot go wrong.
Marriage is a serious issue that totally affects a person’s life, marriage changes a person’s life completely and forever, hence it requires God-sense and strategy. It is not something you just dabble into.
And marriage is not something you want to regret all your life just because you refused to pay any attention to God.
Don’t get pushed by pressure, make your choices wisely by following the expert on relationships and matchmaking, the Author of marriage Himself; God Almighty.

Proverbs 3:5-7(AMP)
5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Start or join the conversation as you share your thoughts in the comment boxes below.

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • HouseofBeey
    Posted at 14:47h, 06 February

    Pst. Ugochi, THANK YOU for the insightful words of advice & wisdom. GOD BLESS YOU!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 22:07h, 06 February

      Praise God for His grace. Thanks for coming by and leaving this note.
      Do have a super blessed day!

    Posted at 16:01h, 02 February

    When my daughter was dating, I often encouraged her to go ahead and go out with someone once (as long as they met the initial criteria)in case there was something there. But we quickly figured that if she wasn’t attracted to him, nothing ever developed. Her gut feeling was right.

    I think you gave your friend good advice.

    Visiting from SITS.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 06:46h, 03 February

      Thanks a lot, I really do believe that gut feeling is a strong indication when it comes to major decisions in life. I appreciate your coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!

  • Blond Duck
    Posted at 03:19h, 02 February

    If she doesn’t like him, she shouldn’t date him!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:19h, 02 February

      Plain truth Blond!
      Thanks for coming by!
      Have a super blessed day!

  • Annmarie Cole
    Posted at 17:04h, 01 February

    Ugochi, you are bless with much wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
    God bless you 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:37h, 01 February

      Praise God for His grace Annmarie!
      I appreciate your coming by and leaving this note.
      Have a super blessed weekend!

  • Annmarie Pipa
    Posted at 14:03h, 01 February

    let your no mean no and your yes mean yes!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:36h, 01 February

      Simple, short and true!
      Thanks for coming by and leaving this note Annmarie.
      Have a super blessed weekend!

  • Lahyorz
    Posted at 12:15h, 01 February

    I totally agree with Kelly. Some men still think when a woman says ‘No’, she really means maybe. I believe she should not mince her words and tell him in plain language that she is ABSOLUTELY not interested in a relationship with him, not even as friends and would appreciate him respecting her decision.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:35h, 01 February

      Being very firm does help Lahyorz! We should insist that our no means no!
      Thanks for coming by and leaving this note.
      Have a super blessed weekend!

  • Kelly Blackwell
    Posted at 04:43h, 01 February

    Great advice. I believe that if a person is pursuing you and you are not interested you need to flat out tell them no. Don’t beat around the bush, don’t say that you aren’t ready to see anyone right now, don’t do anything that would make them think that at some point your mind could change. Some people really need to be put in their place. When I was 18 there was a guy in my church who would simply not leave me alone no matter how many times I told him no. My mom even tried to get me to date him because he complained to her that I was being mean. Finally he just plain came up to me with a Bible in his hand and told me that God told him I was supposed to be his help mate and that we should pray about it. I was terrified. I told my mom and family what he was doing and finally my mom backed off. This dear girl needs to tell her friends to worry about themselves. If she isn’t feeling any interest, there is a reason. The guy is not for her. She should make it abundantly clear to her friends to respect her wishes and drop it. They could be encouraging this guy. Above all else, she shouldn’t just not take his calls. She needs to fully take them and say “You need to stop asking me out. I do not want to date you. Please stop calling me.” Poor kid. She’ll be in my prayers. She’s lucky to have you Ugochi. 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:33h, 01 February

      Thanks a lot Kelly, I will ask her to come read your advice and all these other ones too. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience, I am sure she will understand better after she reads this.
      Have a super blessed weekend!

  • Katherines Corner
    Posted at 03:40h, 01 February

    good advice. Hugs and Thank you for sharing at the hop 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:29h, 01 February

      Thanks Katie! The pleasure is always mine!

  • God'sglory*7
    Posted at 00:57h, 01 February

    Thanks for the blog. Totally agree with all the advise.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:09h, 01 February

      Amen ma! Marriage is sure to serious to joke about…
      Thanks for coming by and leaving this note, have a super blessed weekend!

  • God'sglory*7
    Posted at 00:55h, 01 February

    Bless you ma. Marriage is a serious business and God’s leading should be the number one consideration before dating.

  • faithlovejoyhope
    Posted at 00:23h, 01 February

    You are right on target with this one, Ugochi. How often our human natures *think* we know what is best for us without trusting enough in the Spirit to show us the best way.


    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:07h, 01 February

      And He only knows the best way Anna!
      What pain it would save us if we just learn to follow Him always.
      Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, have a super blessed weekend!

  • Myne Whitman
    Posted at 17:10h, 31 January

    I agree with you and Marci. If there is no attraction, there’s no need to force it, and do stay away or before long, you confuse pity or familiarity for love.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:05h, 01 February

      Me too Myne!
      It can be so easy to confuse pity for love.
      Thanks for coming by and leaving this note, have a super blessed weekend!

    • Morounfoluwa Lukina Akibo
      Posted at 06:53h, 04 February

      I totally agree with myne.

  • Marci Smith
    Posted at 13:08h, 31 January

    Wonderful advice. As I was reading your post I kept thinking that for some reason the Holy Spirit doesn’t want her to be attracted to this man. God always knows what is best for us. I don’t believe her friends should pressure her to go out with him. It’s not about taking care of his feelings, it’s about honoring the feelings that the Holy Spirit is giving her.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:57h, 01 February

      I believe so too Marci and I told her it is a check. It does pay us better to honour God.
      Thanks for coming by and do have a super blessed weekend!

  • Marla Martenson
    Posted at 17:04h, 31 January

    PS.. I came through Katherine’s Corner.. great to connect and visit your site.

  • Marla Martenson
    Posted at 17:03h, 31 January

    If she is really not interested, she should consider telling him that he is a wonderful person and that she knows the right woman will come into his life, but that she does not have any romantic chemistry for him. It is interesting, a friend of mine recently got into a relationship with someone she never would have expected. She is 5’10’, so she was always sooooo picky and insisted she would only date a man 6’3′ and taller. So, she stayed single for 14 years! She did not have a boyfriend from the age of 27 until now at the age of 41. She wanted marriage and kids… now it looks like it is too late for children. Her friend pushed her to go out on a date with her husband’s friend. She did and said she had zero chemistry because he was her height. She accepted his invitation to go to a holiday party as a second date, but she just went because she wanted to do something fun and dress up.. well.. guess what? He treats her like gold, and she is now attracted and they are in an exclusive relationship. She is shocked herself, but happy. God worked through her friend to help her find her soul mate.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:01h, 01 February

      Things like this do happen Marla, and I also agree that she should be plain with him so he does not feel led on.
      Thanks for coming by and leaving this note, have a super blessed weekend!