This is what often happens when couples want to “speak their minds”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with speaking or bearing one’s mind in a relationship. But most times couples fail to think through on their words and body languages before they speak, and they end up hurting each other with their words. Words can be very destructive, looks, body languages and tones also determine how the words spoken would be perceived and received.
Emotions rising, words flying, body movements on the increase, room heat, nerves crackling, eyes bulging, word battles… Can you picture this?
Several times what would have been a normal healthy conversation gets out of line and becomes a major battle of words because the husband or wife thinks he or she must be heard and forgetting to think it through says a few words that heats up the atmosphere and the whole conversation gets messed up. The room or house is heated and a scuffle leaves wounds and many times scars in the marriage.
I hear husbands and wives say that they must speak their minds; they insist on having the last word on any discussion, they refuse to consider how what they say might affect their spouses; they just want to satisfy themselves and “speak their minds.”
But if couples would take the time to think their words through before speaking, or maybe keep silent instead of speaking harsh words to each other, I believe it would save them very avoidable fracas they have to deal with most of the times.
It takes discipline and practice to control emotions; otherwise it would not be possible to hold-out when the urge to “speak your mind” comes. I believe it all begins from our thoughts, if we can think the right thoughts, loving considerate thoughts, about our spouses and situations; we will act and react positively to our spouses.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
So before you think anything, or say anything to your spouse, the words must pass through the Philippians 4:8 test. If it does not bear those qualities, then have a rethink, adjust or drop it completely.
But this can be very difficult since we are naturally given to emotions and mostly negative ones at that. Fortunately we are not helpless; with the word of God and the Holy Spirit we can put our emotions under control and do the right things, especially if we REALLY want to. If we allow The Holy Spirit to lead us, we will not fall for our emotions all the time.
Galatians 5:16 (CEV)
If you are guided by the Spirit, you won’t obey your selfish desires.
Like I said earlier, if you and your spouse are determined, and choose to depend and follow the leading of The Holy Spirit, you will not speak words that are hurtful to your spouse, you will think over you words and you will “speak your mind” without hurting your spouse’s heart.
Like you, I have spoken harsh words to my spouse in a bid to make my point, but I am learning and I believe I am growing by the help of The Holy Spirit, I am thinking a lot more before I speak.
How about you, are you working on this area of your life too?