09 Nov SHOULD I TELL IT ALL?
Posted at 09:32h in Singles' Tidbits 32 Comments
Just a couple of days ago, I was talking with some sisters of mine who are yet to get married and the issue of “telling it all” arose because they had read my post on IMPOTENCE AND COURTSHIP. One of them asked a question, “should I tell the man I am dating everything about me, should I hold some things back until I am certain where we are headed?” My immediate response was an absolute YES to the former; I do not think any relationship would thrive very well with hidden lies or truths.
I do not expect you to open up about everything to someone you meet for the very first time, or someone you are dating for the first time. But it is right for you to tell this person early in the relationship about everything he or she needs to know. Especially the not very good or ugly stuff, this will help you determine if the person is really ready for you and the relationship.
It is better to do this early enough otherwise when you get too deep in the relationship it becomes difficult because you may have fallen in too deep and might begin to hesitate with the thought that you might lose him or her if you tell your stuff now. So it would pay off to tell them all they need to know (especially if you know it has the potential to harm your relationship), when it would still be easier to call the relationship off if they decide to, not everyone can take you exactly the way you are, BUT THERE IS SOMEONE WHO WILL, and you want to make sure you are with that person.
Also, if you keep back anything and he or she gets to discover later on, or you decide to tell, the person might think you have been a deceit and would probably not be able to trust you anymore. And trust is a must for any relationship to thrive. SECRETS NEVER NURTURE TRUST!
I have seen relationships; even marriages break up because some secrets were kept, like when a lady didn’t mention to her fiancé that she had a child in the past. When he discovered he couldn’t stand it, wondering if there were not many other things she had kept back too. Wedding plans were already under way but he called it off despite the ladies pleas, she said she was waiting for the right time and was also afraid he was going to walk away from her.
Knowing that someone loves you with your good, bad and ugly past, maybe even present builds confidence in you. When you keep back a part of you, you are causing the man or lady to fall in love with only a part of you. If you want him or her to fall in love with all of you then you need to reveal all of you to him or her.
Let me reiterate that timing is important, do not wait till your emotions get all tied up, it is best to start at the early stage, in fact I would suggest that by the third time you get together, I mean a planned meeting or date, you should reveal every important detail to him or her (unless of course you do not see any future for you together). And please important is not relative, everything about you is important.
Save yourself the heartache, you will suffer heartache either way, but it will be stronger and tougher after your wedding than before.
Be wise, be transparent, be a person of honest, it pays!
Isaiah 26:7 (ERV)
Honesty is the path good people follow. They follow the path that is straight and true. And God, you make that way smooth and easy to follow.
Have you had any experience about this matter, or just some thoughts? Please share with me.
UgochiPosted at 15:49h, 13 November
Thanks for coming by, I hope you will check on Teshuva often. Have a super blessed day!
AnonymousPosted at 15:17h, 13 November
Agreed,no secrets and of course timing is key ! Now hiding that someone has a kid is insane!
Visit out blog when you can
@ilolaPosted at 09:52h, 12 November
Hi Ugochi, thanks for dropping my blog. Scanned through yours, and it seems to be a counselling blog. I will have to take time to come and read more of these.
Now following back
martin udohPosted at 09:59h, 12 November
This is a very important write up.its not only in the marriage setting,in other human endeavours trust should be exhibited,in relation to couples or couples to be i feel keeping secrets only destroys the person and the relationship.
UgochiPosted at 23:21h, 11 November
Thanks for coming by and leaving this note, I really appreciate it and hope you will come by often. Do have a super blessed week ahead!
Hannahs HavenPosted at 08:21h, 11 November
I really liked this post. I like the fact that you mentioned that timing is very important. I also think it’s important to know the relevance on opening up on a matter. If it is something that is not relevant and does not affect the other party then no point opening up on that.
Monika OzdobaPosted at 07:03h, 11 November
Hello Dear! I like your blog so much! This is my first visit here but definitely not the last 🙂 Would you like to follow each other? 🙂
UgochiPosted at 07:38h, 11 November
Thanks a lot for your kind words, looking forward to knowing you more. Have a super blessed day!
Morounfoluwa Lukina AkiboPosted at 23:37h, 10 November
You are very right being open is key, but it still doesn’t guarantee the success of the relationship but its a good start!
UgochiPosted at 07:33h, 11 November
Of course is no guarantee but of very foundational importance. Thanks a lot for coming by, I hope you come by often. Do have a super blessed day!
AnonymousPosted at 01:45h, 11 November
All dat u ve said is completely true. Trust is d positive expectation dat 1 ll nt tru words, action or decision take advantage of d other opportunistically. A union witout trust falls into chaos, i ve experiencd it.
UgochiPosted at 07:34h, 11 November
True, trust is very key. I appreciate your coming by and leaving a note, I hope you come by often. Do have a super blessed day!
TamiePosted at 10:24h, 10 November
I agree with you on this. The truth no matter how dark it may seem is always better and lighter. Thank you for stopping by my spot. Am really loving your blog.
UgochiPosted at 14:56h, 10 November
Thanks Tamie. I appreciate your coming by too. Do have a super blessed day!
Cindy SaulPosted at 09:57h, 10 November
Thanks for following me, I am about to follow back, I look forward to following you, your blog seems like my cup of tea!! 🙂
UgochiPosted at 14:54h, 10 November
Thanks Cindy, do have a super blessed day!
GeebeePosted at 06:02h, 10 November
Very true words, Ugochi! I have had a personal experience in this regard that has further strengthened my belief in the fact that it really pays to bare it all before things get too serious. Indeed, secrets nurture trust! First time here and I’m so loving it!
UgochiPosted at 14:53h, 10 November
Thanks GeeBee, I appreciate your coming by and leaving this note, I hope you come by often. Have a super blessed day!
Holly McDonaldPosted at 00:28h, 10 November
Hi Ugochi! I’m following back from the weekend hop. I’m so glad that you stopped by today!
I have to agree with you on this post. The wonderful thing is that once you find that right person, all your fears and worries about sharing will go away. All of a sudden opening up and giving all of your secrets to them seems normal and natural!
UgochiPosted at 14:54h, 10 November
Very true Holly, love does that doesn’t it? Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, have a supper blessed day!
Crystal GreenPosted at 23:53h, 09 November
Oh, how I wish I had known what I know now when I was 13 years old. I would have not played games with my now husband’s heart and my own for that matter for over 15 years. I spun so many lies and hurt so many wonderful people all because of fear of not being worthy of someone loving “ME FOR ME.” A lot of that steamed from being abused and keeping it a secret for so long.
Great post and well written. 🙂
UgochiPosted at 14:51h, 10 November
Oh! I know what abuse can do to someone, I have had my own share. But thank God He never leaves us, and He loves us for us. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, have a supper blessed day!
Christina MorleyPosted at 20:39h, 09 November
Sounds like good words of wisdom to me! You’re especially right to say that it only gets harder if you wait too long. A good relationship is built on honesty.
Thanks for linking up on my Make My Saturday Sweet blog hop!
UgochiPosted at 20:50h, 09 November
Thanks Christina, do have a super blessed day!
Myne WhitmanPosted at 20:31h, 09 November
I agree with what the others have said. Being open and also honest is very important in relationships. It helps the couple to build trust and that enables them to know they can depend in each other in times of problems.
UgochiPosted at 20:50h, 09 November
Very true, that dependence is needed. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note. I pray you come by often. Do have a super blessed day!
Ibifiri KamsonPosted at 19:25h, 09 November
This is so true. I didn’t hide anything from my husband n neither did he. We just laid it out plainly on the table n it worked. Saves u the worry about what if he finds out later will he stay. At least u know where he stands from day 1. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
UgochiPosted at 19:48h, 09 November
That is the way to go sister! It does save us a lot of worry. Thanks for coming by and leaving this note. I pray you come by often. Do have a super blessed day!
SykikPosted at 16:41h, 09 November
SECRETS NEVER NURTURE TRUST. This sums it up. Secrets most times will eat you up. The guilt is heavy. My opinion is that if it’s worth keeping then it’s worth telling that someone who you are going to be sharing the rest of your life with.
UgochiPosted at 19:46h, 09 November
Oh the guilt…no one can afford t be bound by it. Thanks for coming by and leaving this note. I pray you come by often. Do have a super blessed day!
Unyime-Ivy KingPosted at 10:53h, 09 November
I agree with you Ugochi. Nothing good ever comes out of anything, be it a relationship or not, that is built on falsehood. The truth is so freeing. It’s up to you to reveal what you should and leave it to the other party to determine how they will take it. If they leave you, it was not meant to be. It’s more painful for them to discover later on that you have been lying to them all along.
UgochiPosted at 19:36h, 09 November
Yes, the truth is so freeing! Thanks a lot ma for coming by and leaving this note, have a super blessed day!