Just a couple of days ago, I was talking with some sisters of mine who are yet to get married and the issue of “telling it all” arose because they had read my post on IMPOTENCE AND COURTSHIP. One of them asked a question, “should I tell the man I am dating everything about me, should I hold some things back until I am certain where we are headed?” My immediate response was an absolute YES to the former; I do not think any relationship would thrive very well with hidden lies or truths.
I do not expect you to open up about everything to someone you meet for the very first time, or someone you are dating for the first time. But it is right for you to tell this person early in the relationship about everything he or she needs to know. Especially the not very good or ugly stuff, this will help you determine if the person is really ready for you and the relationship.
It is better to do this early enough otherwise when you get too deep in the relationship it becomes difficult because you may have fallen in too deep and might begin to hesitate with the thought that you might lose him or her if you tell your stuff now. So it would pay off to tell them all they need to know (especially if you know it has the potential to harm your relationship), when it would still be easier to call the relationship off if they decide to, not everyone can take you exactly the way you are, BUT THERE IS SOMEONE WHO WILL, and you want to make sure you are with that person.
Also, if you keep back anything and he or she gets to discover later on, or you decide to tell, the person might think you have been a deceit and would probably not be able to trust you anymore. And trust is a must for any relationship to thrive. SECRETS NEVER NURTURE TRUST!
I have seen relationships; even marriages break up because some secrets were kept, like when a lady didn’t mention to her fiancé that she had a child in the past. When he discovered he couldn’t stand it, wondering if there were not many other things she had kept back too. Wedding plans were already under way but he called it off despite the ladies pleas, she said she was waiting for the right time and was also afraid he was going to walk away from her.
Knowing that someone loves you with your good, bad and ugly past, maybe even present builds confidence in you. When you keep back a part of you, you are causing the man or lady to fall in love with only a part of you. If you want him or her to fall in love with all of you then you need to reveal all of you to him or her.
Let me reiterate that timing is important, do not wait till your emotions get all tied up, it is best to start at the early stage, in fact I would suggest that by the third time you get together, I mean a planned meeting or date, you should reveal every important detail to him or her (unless of course you do not see any future for you together). And please important is not relative, everything about you is important.
Save yourself the heartache, you will suffer heartache either way, but it will be stronger and tougher after your wedding than before.
Be wise, be transparent, be a person of honest, it pays!
Isaiah 26:7 (ERV)
Honesty is the path good people follow. They follow the path that is straight and true. And God, you make that way smooth and easy to follow.
Have you had any experience about this matter, or just some thoughts? Please share with me.