One Flesh
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couples' hands joined in love


I was at a wedding last Saturday and as the minister shared from the word to the couple and congregation, it occurred to me that there is indeed a huge difference between being married and being joined. That is not God’s original intent however, He intended that a man and woman leave their families and JOIN together to start another family, another lineage, and this joining is not just about having sex with each other. But a lot of couples seem to just be co-habiting, not really joined.

Genesis 2:24 –Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

What Does It Mean To Be Joined?

To leave means- to loosen, that is; relinquish, forsake… (Strong’s Dictionary)

It means not just leaving your family, but your past, your SELF (Selfish desires), not holding to your perspective only any more, to leave everything that suggests a threat to your union with your spouse.

To cleave means- to properly to impinge, that is to cling or adhere; figuratively to catch by pursuit: – abide, fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard, after), be joined (together), keep (fast), stick… (Strong’s Dictionary)

To Be One Flesh

One flesh here means- a properly united body, person, self, skin. (Strong’s Dictionary)

I like the word fast together or fasten together, to be joined and adhered to…very strong words. It means to get so close that you become like each other, think alike, speak alike, act alike. This does not sound strange does it? It is no wonder how you suddenly begin to think like your spouse, and when you speak people say you sound like your spouse or you have the same choice of words.

You literally become your spouse, his/her pain becomes yours, you are not able to ignore your spouse, you pay him/her adequate and required attention. You listen to your spouse, you care for your spouse, when your spouse is hurt you don’t stand aloof, or merely sympathize, but you empathize. When your spouse is not there you genuinely miss him/her and eagerly wait for his/her return.

You give your spouse premium consideration (after God) in every decision you make. You do not seek your pleasure only; in fact you put your spouse’s pleasure ahead of yours. When you are one flesh with your spouse, just like you feel every part of your body, you feel every part of his/hers because you are properly JOINED. And when this happens, both of you just naturally flow together in your union and your marriage is on the upward turn…

It Is No Mystery

Becoming one is not a big mystery though some times it looks elusive, yet that is God’s primary intent for the man and his wife, that they become one. When you become one with your spouse, you are in agreement and you become strong ammunition in God’s hands. Look what God did with Abraham and Sarah, Aquilla and Priscilla, Noah and His wife and so many others. God could use them because they were one with Him and one with each other. God can do nothing great with a couple that is not properly joined, unity is a very strong force. Being properly joined does not just happen naturally, it takes lots of love, effort and patience to really join yourself with your spouse; it requires personal responsibility, to become one. Becoming is a process but the process must be encouraged.

I am still working to cleave, fighting every negative thought the enemy brings to my mind, choosing love no matter what. How about you, are you working to cleave too? 

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2012

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • martin udoh
    Posted at 09:53h, 14 November

    bless you madam,i agree wholly with u on this subject,even with other journals i ve read,couples cannot cleave together unless they leave their parents,a situation where either of the couple at every issue allow their parents to interfere in their marriage it wont augur well for them.

  • H.I. Odigie
    Posted at 16:47h, 13 November

    Being a Christian is very very far from understanding God’s principles for life. I attended a wedding this past weekend outside Lagos and I heard thoughts along the same lines like you have expressed here. The Bible told told us how matters are established: through the mouth of two or more persons. This is the way to go but not many Christians have this understanding. As always thank you ma for the revelation. I am always blessed to visit Teshuva!I am making a print out as I know of some people that may not visit Teshuva but definitely need to see and read this.

  • Sherelle
    Posted at 13:56h, 13 November

    This post really touches me because my boyfriend and I are planning a summer wedding. We’ve been together for 8 years, and just when we thought we couldn’t be any closer to one another…God pulled both of us closer to him, by way of this awesome new church we attend (along with some humbling experiences)I believe that any couple can look well- matched to everyone else, but to be truly one unit,one flesh; that is what being joined(marriage is about) Praying, fasting , and living for God together brings you closer. God is the key to the union. I truly love this post!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:29h, 13 November

      This is an awesome testimony Sherelle, I am touched by it. And I can see that you are headed for a joyful marriage in God.
      Thanks a lot for coming by and sharing this testimony with me, I really appreciate it.
      Have a super blessed day!

  • Terence donnelly
    Posted at 10:13h, 13 November

    I don’t think I agree that to cleave is the correct way to go, it seems to ring of selfishness to me, this century, where cleaving has raised it head, millions of old people are sitting alone, in their homes, because of cleaving,( out of sight is out of mind) its said “they are living in the old world in their minds”. Since the dawn of time, Family’s were joined, it made them safer and stronger and It gave protection to the all children.
    When the house-hold became to small, they just built another one and so on creating their own community, they stayed safe together within their family.
    Now cleaving raises it head, I would say, that you should be careful of what you want now! Think carefully of what you will miss and remember old age! is a lonely place after you have shown your children to cleave.
    In the western world whole family’s have “cleaved” moved on and lost contact with their family and the family slowly dies, Many people hunt for their Families, they seem to have a need or desire to join with them again. Why?
    Now for me! “Cleave” means “to split” “to separate” I love your post Agman.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:26h, 13 November

      My friend I really always appreciate your coming by often. Cleaving to your spouse in no way suggests selfishness, it rather connotes selflessness, putting your spouse ahead of you, preferring your spouse above you. I think you need to come back and read it again. I am sure you will understand better when you do.
      Thanks again my friend for your encouragement.
      Have a super blessed day!

  • God'sglory*7
    Posted at 09:45h, 13 November

    Bless you ma. Well for us we are doing the best We can. God helping us all.
    There is no limit to cleaving. We pray as believers that, we will get to the height of cleaving in Jesus name amen.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:43h, 13 November

      I agree there is no limit ma, we work on getting better and better, leaning on God’s grace. Thanks for coming by today, have a super blessed day!

  • Ibifiri Kamson
    Posted at 01:47h, 13 November

    Truly couples should cleave together as one meaning leaving parents behind. That’s y I dislike it when a man marries n still lives with his parents. That’s the beginning of failure.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 14:40h, 13 November

      I agree with you, living with parents will definitely allow some intrusion into the home. Thanks for coming by and leaving this note. Have a super blessed day!

  • Beth
    Posted at 21:29h, 12 November

    I agree, Ugochi, that a couple cannot really “cleave” to one another unless they leave their parents. And often, people don’t realize that they are not taking this step of separation from the family of origin by simply going through the marriage ceremony. It’s an important step to take when you marry–to really pay attention to this admonition in the Bible. Thanks so much for urging us to take this seriously, Ugochi! I appreciate it!

  • Ugochi
    Posted at 22:00h, 12 November

    Thanks Beth, I am also encouraged by your words right now. Thanks a lot for coming by and sharing your thoughts too, do have a super blessed day!

  • Chisaa
    Posted at 15:07h, 12 November

    one flesh really. God i want to be joined with my husband not just to be married to him! vow. thanks Ugochi God is really using u i must say! THANKS!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:29h, 12 November

      Thanks a lot Chisaa, I am grateful you find it a blessing. I hope you will come by again often. Do have a super blessed day!