19 Nov CONCERNED VOICES
As I waited to get an inspiration for today’s post, I was reminded of something a friend told me a couple of years ago. She told me how her friend told her she was not being wise by disclosing all that she had to her husband. She told her of how she had a secret account with some millions in it from where she was able to carry out some projects which her husband was not aware of. She said if she didn’t do that there was no way she would have accomplished all that she had. She advised my friend to begin putting some money aside, secretly, so that she could have some money to call her own and spend whichever way she wants, whenever she wants and however she wants.
A man once told of how his friends told him he was spoiling his wife because he was loving her “too much” and she would soon lose respect for him. They told him he needed to toughen up a bit, and treat her a bit harshly, show her he was “the man” so that she would revere him. They told him that women always respect men who do not go soft on them and that they were all personal witnesses to this fact.
As I thought about this, a scene in FIREPROOF, one of my favourite movies came to mind. When Caleb and Katherine were having issues and told their friends, Katherine’s friends advised her to make sure she does not let him get away with “anything”. I cannot remember their exact words but I know they urged her on to get a divorce and make sure by the time they are through she would have left nothing for him, nothing at all.
How many times have couples listened to “concerned voices” and let go of what would have been a beautiful marriage, a beautiful union, just because of some issues that some little (and most times hard) work, patience and love might have resolved. Many times these people give these counsels based on their own experiences from issues they knew no better way to handle and therefore probably lost their marriages. And they pass their failures unto some innocent people who fall for this misinformation and many times wish they had not heeded to it afterwards.
Some of these people ask you to do something they wouldn’t do under the same circumstances, deceiving you into thinking they were tough and rough and could stand up to their spouses without fear of the consequences, they make you think they do not really care about their marriage, whether it works or not. Meanwhile if you looked properly, you would discover that they would do all it takes to preserve and protect their marriages. I call them deceivers! They come parading themselves as “concerned friends” but in reality are “creepy destroyers”.
Be careful who you take your marital challenges to; that is if you must take them to anyone. I am not against seeking help, but you must try as a couple first to resolve your challenges and when it looks like you cannot do it alone, then you can talk to someone, that is, AFTER YOU HAVE TALKED WITH GOD and have His leading to. Please do not listen to anyone who tells you to do anything you know goes against your marriage vows and God’s word. Marriage is the most sacred covenant God has cut between HIMSELF, a man and His wife. He holds it very highly and will stand with any couple who are determined to make their marriage work.
My friend I talked about in the beginning did not take her friend’s counsel at all, she knew much better than that. Some other women have listened to their friends and have lost their homes. So many men have destroyed their homes because they listened to their friends and had to “prove” that they were “the men”.
Caleb and Kathy in FIREPROOF later found out that the word and voice of God had more power to fix everything that had been destroyed in their marriage and heal their broken hearts.
Cease, my son(&daughter), to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.
Have you ever been given any wrong suggestion for your marriage, how did you respond?
Pingback:FLASH BACK MARRIAGE | TeshuvaPosted at 14:09h, 18 April
[…] OF WIVES. Does every couple realize they are meant to be ONE FLESH, and stop listening to “CONCERNED VOICES“? How about SPEAKING THEIR MINDS, even when they hurt each other with words. This reminds […]
WandaPosted at 12:20h, 21 November
Very wise words you shared. Each relationship is different so it’s wise not to seek to implement strategies from others. It’s best to seek God’s counsel. Only He knows the path He has for two individuals in the relationship.
UgochiPosted at 17:27h, 30 March
Yes I believe only He knows!
Please forgive my late response Wanda.
Thanks a lot for coming by.
Unyime-Ivy KingPosted at 11:07h, 21 November
*relationship I meant. Typos.
UgochiPosted at 17:27h, 30 March
Lol! It does happen!
Unyime-Ivy KingPosted at 11:05h, 21 November
This post is powerful-I wish more married couples, including those who are intending to marry can read this. A lot of people have run their marriages to an early grave because of wrong counsel from ‘concerned people’ or ‘creepy destroyers’ as you rightly called them. I know a friend, whose parents separated when we were in the secondary school. She grew up really bitter with her mum’s sister, because, according to her, her aunt advised her mother to walk out on her father, when they were having challenges in the relation, meanwhile, she had steadfastly worked on her own marriage to ensure that it did not scatter. Over the years, we-hubby and I, have learned how to resolve our differences between us, and us alone. If there is love, and willingness on the part of both parties, there is no problem that cannot be resolved.
It’s a pity that a lot of women feel so threatened and insecure in their relationships that they feel that they have to ‘hide’ some personal money away from their spouses. It was not supposed to be so from the beginning-an enemy had caused this. A real man loves and cherishes his wife, no matter what, and will not give in to the ill advise of other men because he wants to portray a macho facade. May God help us all.
UgochiPosted at 17:26h, 30 March
I say a big AMEN to that Sis!
I am so sorry for responding this late.
Thanks a lot for coming by.
@ilolaPosted at 10:43h, 21 November
I like your conclusion. We must also know that what works for marriage A might not work for B, because there are different personalities involved.
UgochiPosted at 17:25h, 30 March
Please forgive my late response ilola.
Our different personalities do affect our marriages.
Thanks a lot for coming by.
Jo MyGoshPosted at 04:25h, 21 November
Hi! Found your blog through SITS! It was great to stumble upon a Christian one!
UgochiPosted at 17:23h, 30 March
Thanks Jo and please forgive my late response.
Thanks a lot for coming by.
Author C Michelle RamseyPosted at 20:44h, 20 November
Powerful post & beautiful words of wisdom. We should always seek the counsel of God before others and allow Him to lead us to share when needed & with whom to share. I know someone who has this saying “never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” I completely disagree. I do not believe in hiding things from my husband it results in miscommunication, distrust, and failed marriages. Thank you for sharing this post.
UgochiPosted at 20:53h, 20 November
Me neither Michelle! Secrets do not in any way help marriages. Thanks for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!
Auntie EmsPosted at 16:17h, 20 November
What a great post, Ugochi! We need to remember that our enemy HATES marriages, and will do anything possible to destroy them. Sadly, many times he uses people who genuinely care about us, but who are not grounded in God’s word. I’m so glad there are resources like yours available to those who need help!
UgochiPosted at 20:35h, 20 November
That is so true! I just pray we all know the right information to apply in our marriages. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!
Ibifiri KamsonPosted at 00:23h, 20 November
Third party isn’t good for a marriage at all. But then some women who have secret accounts have it based on reasons like their husbands r terrible people or in laws n that is their only escape route. Well God will help couples in marriage. Nice post.
UgochiPosted at 20:14h, 20 November
Amen! May God deliver us from evil. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!
Elle SeesPosted at 21:19h, 19 November
Lots of great insight to think about
UgochiPosted at 17:45h, 20 November
Thanks Elle! Do have a super blessed day!
faithlovejoyhopePosted at 00:53h, 20 November
Ugochi, you definitely made some great points here! And by the way, Fireproof is one my favorite movies. Hubby and I have watched it many times and are doing the Bible study with another couple.
UgochiPosted at 20:29h, 20 November
That is great Anna! Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, I appreciate you. Do have a super blessed day!
EyaPosted at 18:34h, 19 November
Hi Ugochi, I found you at a friend’s blog and decided to stop by. Bad counsel can be very destructive. I think it is always safer to hand our problems to the one who created that institution. Lovely post.
I am following now.
UgochiPosted at 17:43h, 20 November
Thanks a lot Eya. I appreciate you, do have a super blessed day!
Prowess and PearlsPosted at 17:31h, 19 November
So true my friend! Never take counsel from anyone who’s fruit shows anything other than the fact that they were successful at what they’re trying to counsel you in. Besides, friends are the last people you should get advice from, which goes to show, many of us need to change our allegiances. Great post dear! Have a blessed Thanksgiving!
UgochiPosted at 17:40h, 20 November
We must choose our friends for sure, who we hang with and listen to affects us in ways we cannot count. Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day!
BethPosted at 15:22h, 19 November
This reminds me of a great book “Safe People” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. We can’t assume that everyone is healthy or spiritual in our lives. We must be selective about who we share our confidences with as well. I thought of the old saying, “Misery loves company” when I read about some of the examples you gave, Ugochi. People may not realize it, but often (out of their own pain) they sabotage their friends relationships. I’m glad you’ve brought this to light. It’s something we all need to be aware of! Thanks so much!
UgochiPosted at 17:37h, 20 November
It is sad Beth, how some couples have allowed other people’s thoughts ruin their homes. Thank God for His mercies. I appreciate your coming by and sharing your thoughts, do have a super blessed day!
A Proverbs 31 WifePosted at 15:04h, 19 November
I love the movie fireproof! So many good lessons to be learned there.
UgochiPosted at 17:24h, 20 November
Truth Kay! Have a super blessed day!
Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry"Posted at 11:37h, 19 November
The Bible has much to say about marriage and since God instituted it, I think it only makes sense to follow the guidelines He has given in His Word. A good book on understanding one’s spouse based on scriptural principles is LOVE AND RESPECT by Emerson (I forget his last name now). Basically the gist of it is that the woman’s deepest need is to be loved so her husband needs to show he loves her unconditionally and the husband’s deepest need it to be respected so the wife needs to show respect to her husband unconditionally. If couples just did this, many problems and issues would be solved amicably.
UgochiPosted at 17:22h, 20 November
Thanks a lot Karen. I appreciate your coming by and sharing these true thoughts. I hope you come by often too, do have a super blessed day!
UgochiPosted at 11:14h, 19 November
You share some truths here. But the post is on third party counsel in marriages. Thanks for coming by, do have a super blessed day!
SykikPosted at 11:00h, 19 November
Is it possible to love someone too much? After all Christ enjoined husbands to love their wife as Christ loves the Church. How can any wife be submissive when there is a secret account?
One lesson I have learnt over the years is never to assume that all issues are solved the same way. Marriages are different because the character of Husband A can’t be the same as Husband B, therefore issues faced in Family A and Family B can’t be solved same way.