To Kiss Or Not To Kiss - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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To Kiss Or Not To Kiss

To Kiss Or Not To Kiss

Okay, I know some people will differ here, but I am only sharing my belief and thoughts. It might help someone who needs some sincere answers, but do not get upset and speak harsh words if it does not go down well with you, just skip this post and read the next. With that out of the way…now down to the post.

I interact a lot with single friends and relatives and they always ask why they cannot kiss their fiancé or fiancée. We all know that the Bible is very clear on abstinence until marriage (Hebrews 13:4), we also know that fornication or adultery is not acceptable in God’s kingdom (1 Corinthians 6:9). But the word or act of kissing is not specifically mentioned. So why do I think it is not proper to kiss one whom you are dating or courting?

1. I believe that kissing (the interlocking and inter mingling of lips and tongues) is all part of the sexual intercourse process. Just like touching and fiddling with each other’s’ bodies. Or is it not?

2. Some say they can kiss as long as they do not have sex.  But continuous kissing, no matter how strong you are, will keep weakening your defences and one day bam! You will commit the act of fornication. Do not give the devil an opportunity to cause you to defile your marriage bed.

Ephesians 4:27 (GW)
Don’t give the devil any opportunity to work.

Kissing has the tendencies to make you want more…

3. Kissing will always leave something in your heart: lust. We can all agree that lust is sin, and the truth is that when you kiss, it leaves all your sexual hormones hanging in the air and you will keep thinking of what it might have been like having sex with the person, you start imagining “stuff” and that is lust.

Matthew 5:28 (ERV)

But I tell you that if a man looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, he has already committed that sin with her in his mind.

Matthew Henry has this to say about this verse:
We are here taught, that there is such a thing as heart-adultery, adulterous thoughts and dispositions, which never proceed to the act of adultery or FORNICATION; and perhaps the defilement which these give to the soul… Whosoever looketh on a woman (not only another man’s wife, as some would have it, but any woman), to lust after her, has committed adultery with her in his heart, Mat_5:28. This command forbids not only the acts of fornication and adultery, but, (1.) All appetites to them, all lusting after the forbidden object; this is the beginning of the sin, lust conceiving (Jam_1:15); it is a bad step towards the sin; and where the lust is dwelt upon and approved, and the wanton desire is rolled under the tongue as a sweet morsel, it is the commission of sin, as far as the heart can do it; there wants nothing but convenient opportunity for the sin itself.

4. I believe that kissing is a very special thing, and some kind of exchange occurs when you kiss. Saliva exchange, which goes just beyond physical contact which I believe, should be saved until your wedding day. When you kiss someone, you are giving yourself to that person and that sort of giving according to my understanding of scriptures should wait until after marriage, when you can then freely and legally give your bodies to yourselves. When you “join” with some, you become one with the person. (1 Corinthians 6:16)

So when you kiss this person you are making yourself one with the person before you are “legally” pronounced as “one”. 

5. You can decide to give yourselves something to look forward to, something to get really excited about on your wedding day. You know, when you do all the kissing and touching, there is really no excitement about “that kiss” anymore. 

My first kiss with my husband took place after we had said our vows, before God and the Church, and I tell you, it felt very special, it was like a seal upon our vows and our hearts. I prepared for it and was anticipating…

You too can make it special, you can decide to wait for that day when you say to him or her, you have me from now on, all of me…

Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Make it special!!!What do you think about this? Scroll further down to the comment box and share your thoughts…

Copyright© Teshuva 2012

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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 06:36h, 30 December Reply

    Hmmm, as a christian, i have just one thing that saddens me and that is the inability to say no. One of the greatest things God gave me is the spirit of meekness and the devil is using it against me. For a while now, I decided to stay away from all forms of list, not even a boyfriend. I would reject everyman that came my way because there was no sign of the spirit of God in them. It became a part of me that I felt peace. Last week, I had a dream where I had sex and it felt so real. When I woke up, I was afraid because my dream usually comes to reality. I prayed that it shouldn’t happen. On Thursday, I went for my school reunion and there I saw my ex. We had stopped talking but I don’t know what got into me that made me take him by the hand to come take pictures with me. Although he called me that morning because he realised I wasn’t coming. He was part of the committee for the reunion and it was so obvious that I didn’t want to attend because he would be there. So that morning, he called me and said that he wanted me to know that we aren’t enemies and that I could do whatever I want and attend whatever event I want and that I shouldn’t avoid certain places because he’d be there. He told me to be free with myself and I listened to him. After the reunion, he called me on Friday to ask if we could hang out with friends on Sunday after church and I said it was okay. So yesterday in church, It felt like I had received a gift from God because I felt in my spirit and I was so happy. Service ended at 11:45am and i went home and immediately it was 1pm, my ex called and asked if I was dressed already and I said yes. He came to pick me up and we went for the hangout. During our time there, he started to bring up everything that we had and I noticed I still had a spot for him. On our way home, he kissed me and I noticed I wanted more and so I kissed him back and the fire started to burn. When we got to the roundabout to my house, a very tiny voice said ‘tell him to drop you off here and then walk home’ I didn’t listen to it. We drove past my roundabout and the voice spoke again ‘come down here and take a bike to your house’ I didn’t listen to it. Immediately we got to the entrance of his street, the voice spoke again but I didn’t listen and that was it. It didn’t talk to me again and I ended up in his house, in his bed and we had sex.
    Now I feel like I want to die. I haven’t eaten since last night and I feel that gift I got in church yesterday is gone. I’ve been apologising to God for forgiveness but I’m still not settled. I’m so scared because whenever I do sex, something leaves me and whatever good thing I’m expecting or that’s coming my way at that time doesn’t come again and the time is extended but if that man I had sex with is experiencing challenges, whatever it is, he gets it immediately.. Like an exchange happens.
    I’ll be traveling soon but I’m scared it may not be approved and I’ll be going back to school this Friday to register for my final exam in May 2020. I have to rewrite a paper I didn’t pass and I’m scared that I’ll not make it again.
    I’m tired of this type of life because I’m not living. I need help, I don’t know what to do.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 22:57h, 15 January Reply

      I am so sorry I could not respond sooner. If you are truly sorry and genuinely want to live a sin free life, all you need to do is repent and commit yourself to The Holy Spirit for help and strength. Feed on God’s word daily and look for a mature and devoted believer to be accountable. Also, if you practice the principles I have outlined in this article, you will be on your way to living a life free of sexual immorality.

  • Giolamen6
    Posted at 18:27h, 25 October Reply

    I’ve been chaste all my life. But I met this lady about 7 months ago. We both have the assurance that God brought us together.

    In a bid to show love and affection, we sometimes talk/chat dirty over the phone. This ends up building sexual expectations in us until we had our first deep kiss 4 months later.

    That first kiss has led me to more kiss, caress, touching etc

    A week ago, on her way from a journey, she decided to come pass the night for the first time in my apartment. I’d imagine the worst that could happen being sex, even though I wasn’t ready for sex, I couldn’t ask her not to come.

    She came and all through the night we did all sorts including genitals fiddling but no sex…

    I’ve ever since felt not having a penetration doesn’t make us less guilty of immorality. I’ve felt messed up ever since falling back to porn at some points.

    I love this lady and we want to have a model relationship but since our first kiss sex looks ever closer.. Please I need your advice

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 17:37h, 30 October Reply

      Hello Bro,
      If both of you are resolute about not going into sexual sins again you can especially as you partner with God through His word and His Spirit.
      Both of you should take the time to read the article again, also read Ways To Avoid Fornication and How To Stop Fornication. You will find practical steps to help you avoid falling into the temptation again and how to guard your hearts.

      God bless you bro.

  • Chi
    Posted at 11:23h, 03 August Reply

    I even made a blood covenant not to have sex with anyone till i get married, i did, with my boyfriend, i felt so.. guilty. I wear a promise ring my boyfriend gave me, a commitment to not having sex, which i feel is in vain now. He loves me genuinely. How should we go about our relationship without having sex.

    • Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
      Posted at 12:07h, 19 August Reply

      Both of you should individually spend time with God in His word and prayer. You should also follow the guidelines provided in the article in order to avoid compromise.

  • Elizabeth
    Posted at 08:47h, 04 March Reply

    Please what if I have already endulge myself in such act several times how do I rectify my mistakes

  • Bola
    Posted at 23:30h, 24 May Reply

    Thanks for this post. please how can I tell my fiancé that I don’t want to continue in kissing and romance again?
    it really sadden my heart cos am scared one day we might end up having sex. how do I tell him am nor happy. Please email me.

  • Segun
    Posted at 19:00h, 11 February Reply

    thanks ma for this piece..its really eye-opening and has major truth contents in it..u can not successful kiss someone and not crave the appetite to go a step should be taken more seriously than the ‘sex-act’ which people already believe that its an automatic sin

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 20:35h, 11 February Reply

      Praise God! Kissing is part of sexual intimacy and must be treated as such. Waiting like God commands has tremendous benefits. Thanks a lot for coming by, I am grateful you were inspired, please come back again and have a super blessed day!

  • H.I. Odigie
    Posted at 14:25h, 18 December Reply

    As always this topic is very very important and will definitely act as a guide to what is the right christian path to take for those that are in courtship. We must keep ourselves in remembrance and be alerted of the tricks of the “wicked one”. The stain of the food you did not eat should be found on your lips. It is dangerous to start a fire that you can NOT quench/douse.
    Thank you very much man for this post.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 10:07h, 31 October Reply

      The enemy is full of tricks indeed. Now we know better.
      Thanks for coming by bro, I am so sorry for this very late response.

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 14:27h, 18 December Reply

    Thank you so much ma for always being a great blessing,it is really sad that youths of today are putting the cart before the horse,the word of God says we should flee from every appearances of evil,it is ungodly to kiss someone you are not legally married to.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 10:06h, 31 October Reply

      I am so sorry, I didn’t realize I had not responded to this.
      Putting the cart before the horse destroys the plan certainly and cripples the transportation. God help us not to cripple our marriages before they even begin.

  • DGMommy Tamara
    Posted at 13:54h, 24 November Reply

    I commend you for being confident and firm in your beliefs. I strongly, but respectfully, disagree. I think that a kiss can be pure and fill two hearts more fully with love than lust. I don’t get into religious debates, but I feel our purpose both on Earth and in Heaven is to expand love throughout the universe. If a kiss can do that, then so be it!

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 10:07h, 31 October Reply

      It is okay if you think kissing expands love. But my opinion is based on God and His word, different from what the world thinks and I understand perfectly!
      Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving this thought, I pray you have a super blessed day!

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