She said she didn’t want to lose him so she contained it and hoped that after marriage she would find a way to help him deal with it. Unfortunately, she couldn’t “help him” deal with it and now that implosive anger has blossomed into a night mare. Endless fights, swollen eyes broken bones and now she had had it up to her head, she wants out and he is begging. Begging?!
“Ha! And I saw the signs, but I put it off, I think I just thought time would take care of those things. But I was wrong, boy, how wrong I was!”
I heard of a lady who was experiencing difficulties in her marriage, she went for counseling and the counsellor was digging in to get a clue as to where the problems were coming from. After long hours of probing the counselor asked if there was anything at all that pointed to the fact that her husband had anger issues while they were still dating. The lady answered to the affirmative and mentioned some occasions when her husband had exhibited some implosive anger traits while they were still dating. When the counselor asked her what she did about it then, she said she tried to talk about it a few times but gave up trying because it always resulted to more anger and then he wouldn’t talk to her for weeks leaving her miserable.
How about a man who always saw his fiancé with expensive stuff that her salary could not pay for and she always claimed them to be gifts from friends and colleagues, he ignored the alarm that went off in his head, shrugging off the fact that all her friends he knew could not afford those gifts either. Now he has to deal with the fact that she has insatiable desires for all the “good stuff” and runs with the “big boys” in town, defiling their marriage in order to have them all.
Another lady told of how she always saw strange messages on her now husband, then fiancé’s phone and each time she asked, he took to the offensive and claimed she was too insecure and suspicious. On some occasions she saw him with some strange girls whom he claimed were “just colleagues”. Even when she saw him in a compromised situation with another lady he gave the excuse that she was hitting on him. Now he cannot pretend anymore after several years of marriage, he has come out plain to his wife, he is having an affair and she can leave if she can’t take it.
Back to the opening statement: that is the thought of so many people when they are “in love” and they see these traits they know they cannot possibly live with the rest of their lives.
I believe God loves you too much, especially if you follow Him, to allow you make a mistake without out giving you a hint. He shows you these “RED LIGHTS” in order for you to apply caution or stop completely in that journey of a relationship.
When you see those “RED LIGHTS”, those traits, behaviours, mannerisms, attitudes that you know you cannot live with all your life, do not be afraid to let go. Especially when the person involved does not want to deal with his/her issue. You do not have to continue because you have started. When you ignore the “RED LIGHTS” and go on, you have the consequences to deal and live with. Anyone you must get married to must be someone who you are sure you would be able “to live with” the rest of your life. Someone you can find confidence in, someone whom you can to a great extent trust your life with, because they trust their own lives in God.
A broken dateship or courtship is better and less damaging than a broken marriage. Heed the warnings, heed the alarm when it goes off in your head, STOP when you see the “RED LIGHTS” and save yourself the impending heartaches. Do not say you were not told.
Hear thou, my son, and be wise, and guide thine heart in the way.
My prayer for you is that you allow “… the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God, and into the patient waiting for Christ.” 2Thessalonians 3:5