WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD?! - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Why do we ignore it when people do some things to us but get so upset when our spouses do the same things? Do we expect so much from them; expect them to know us enough to know that that would hurt us or what?!

Maybe you are not guilty of this but I am. I easily ignore and make excuses for people when they do something I don’t like, but when my husband does the same thing I allow it to hurt me, note that I said allow. Several things He has asked me why this is so and I tell him it is because I expect him to know me better than anyone else and therefore should know what hurts me. I must admit that I am not proud of this but I just expect that he knows me more so…

It is however expected that the one closest to you hurts you more and most often too. Take for instance my husband’s often reference to the tongue and teeth, they are the closest to each other, cannot function effectively without each other, yet the teeth hurts the tongue more than any other part of the body, and often too, even though the teeth should know the tongue other extremely well. The hands or any other part of the body hardly hurt the tongue, even if they do, it would not be as painful as when it gets bitten by the tongue. It is no different between man and wife, since they are closely knit in marriage, and supposedly closer to each other than anybody else.

So how should we handle this, since we cannot escape mistakenly doing things that would hurt each other? How can we learn to ignore or deal with this hurt that so easily comes when our spouses “step on our toes?”  

I believe it is by learning to love them like we should, in the true sense of the word. If we love them truly then it should be easier to make excuses for them more than anyone else, this is however tough on our flesh, doing the right things mostly do. But we must believe that they wouldn’t in any way hurt us or do things that would hurt us on purpose. Thinking so would help us to maintain positive reactions towards them.

We must allow love to overflow our hearts for our spouses and others too. That way love would shield our hearts and our spouses’ actions would no longer hurt us so bad.

Proverbs 10:12 (BBE)
…but all errors are covered up by love.

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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Anonymous
    Posted at 12:20h, 13 August

    I have been following your blogs as often as i could and its been a pleasurable read so far.. This is my first comment. My cousin is about be get married and i was discussing with someone yesterday who made a comment i found interesting. She said and i quote “a Woman of God was asked if she has contemplated divorce and she answered NO but had comtemplated Murder..”lol. She then said to me that it is more than important for one to be guided by God in choosing a life partner. I totally agree


    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:02h, 13 August

      Me too! God’s choice is always best, we can make mistakes but God cannot, so it is wisdom to follow His guidance.
      Thanks for coming by and leaving a note Pst J, I appreciate you.
      Have a satisfying week!

  • Berna
    Posted at 00:59h, 12 August

    Thank’s I needed that.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 23:17h, 01 May


  • Living in Heels
    Posted at 00:25h, 08 August

    I am guilty of this, too and think its so easy to do so! But you’re so right– ‘errors are covered up by love’.

    I’m thankful that I found you through an insightful comment on another site and look forward to reading more from you.

    Hoping you’ll come visit us at our new, little blog.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 13:51h, 08 August

      We all are! But we can do something about it as we love unconditionally.
      Thanks a lot for visiting and leaving a note.

  • Stephanie
    Posted at 04:37h, 07 August

    These words are words that I have been needing to read these past few weeks. Thank you so much for that. I am definitely going to make it a point to catch myself when I feel criticism coming to my tongue. Such a great post and I’m sure I’ll be reading and re-reading it many times this next week. Thank you for the follow. I am now gladly following back! Have a blessed week!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:00h, 07 August

      Thanks a lot for your kind words, and for the follow too. Yes, we all need to learn the tongue catching art.
      Have a blessed week too Stephanie!

  • Honeybee
    Posted at 02:44h, 07 August

    Beautiful sharing, I wanted to share this with my husband. Thanks for hopping by my page. You got a new follower 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 10:58h, 07 August

      Thanks Honeybee!
      I appreciate your coming by , leaving a note and following too! I bet there is something true about this to every couple.
      Have a blessed day!

  • Nicholl Vincent
    Posted at 16:27h, 06 August

    So true, I feel like i do the same thing. Thanks for sharing. Love that verse.

    hope you have a great week! drop by nichollvincent.blogspot.com and say hello!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 20:23h, 06 August

      We all keep learning Nicholl, so we can live better lives. Thanks for coming by and leaving a note.
      God bless!

  • Ugochi
    Posted at 20:20h, 06 August

    Yes Cecilia, I am learning each day. Our perspectives must change in order to love effectively.
    Thanks a lot for coming by and leaving a note.

  • Cecilia Marie Pulliam
    Posted at 12:20h, 06 August

    Ugochi, you have made a good point. We women are particularly bad about believing our spouses should read our minds. We forget, they do not perceive things as we do. They think and react differently. As you stated we give others the benefit of the doubt, we should do more so for our spouse. Ninety-nine percent of the time, they do not mean to hurt.