A Man Ran His Wife Down

Some years ago, I foolishly sat and listened to a man run down His wife before me. They were having some challenges in their home and in a bid to defend himself, to show how good he is, he literally destroyed his wife before me. I sat down there and listened to him, lots of angry responses bubbling up in me, but because He was way  older and way bigger than me, I didn’t want to say those words as they were boiling in my heart because they might have come out very rude and offensive. I knew what he was doing was very wrong, and I was wrong too for listening to him, but at that time I lacked the courage to tell him so or walk out on him. I wondered as I left him how many other people he had talked about his wife in such a manner to. I wondered how he has caused people to perceive his wife.  I must tell you the truth, I fought very hard to “be happy” with the man after that encounter.

There are so many other times that I have heard both men and women run down their spouses when they talk about their marriages or when they seek help for marriages. I have seen women run their spouses and his family down before their friends and men battering their wives to their friends. It may not even be before friends alone, it could be our parents, siblings, relatives and even children. This is very unhealthy and destructive for any marriage.

Some do it ignorantly, they think they are just chatting, while some do it to gain sympathy from others, and some mean others just to defame their spouses.

We can either build our homes or destroy them by our actions. We must guard our hearts and actions on a daily basis to ensure that we are building our homes and not tearing them down. When we tear our spouses apart with our words, painting them black before others we are invariably tearing our homes apart, after all our spouses make our homes. When we talk bad about our spouses, people begin to see them in that light, it forms an opinion about our spouses in their hearts and affects how they relate to our spouses. They could even spread these talks and our spouses get to hear them and this might get horrible.

No matter what you face in your marriage or how bad your spouse is, it is unwise to go about speaking evil of him or her. Even if you are seeking help, you must not present your spouse in a manner to suggest that you are the saint while he/she is the sinner.  And this all stems from what you think of your spouse, learn to think good thoughts about your spouse, so that you can speak good about your spouse, for the words you speak are seeds and they will surely bring in their harvests.

Love does not run his/her spouse down, does not cause him/her harm and does not speak evil of him/her. It is all up to you, to do the right thing for the right results. You can make the required changes now and get your desired result, a home where peace and trust abounds. Have you been building up your spouse and home up, or have you been tearing them down?

Rom 13:10 (WNT)
Love avoids doing any wrong to one’s fellow man…

1Peter 3:10
For he that will love life, and see good days (in his or her marriage), let him refrain his tongue from evil… (Emphasis mine)

Proverbs 10:18
…he that uttereth a slander, is a fool.

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Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2012


  1. This is very inspiring! I love your post 😀

    1. Thanks Egat! Have a nice week ahead!

  2. Wow that had to be an uncomfortable spot to be in. It is very unfortunate that he berated his wife in public. One could only imagine how home life must be. It is also sad on the wife’s part, that she allows herself to be in a situation with someone that doesn’t respect her.

    1. Very sad indeed Sherelle, love does not do that! Thanks for coming by and leaving a note!

  3. That makes me sad..xo

    1. Saddening indeed, and people never think how it makes the other feel.
      Thanks for stopping by Katie!

  4. Exactly! How can you do that to the one you supposedly love? It’s heart-wrenching and demoralizing. Yes, it destroys instead of builds.

    1. Yes Pepper, nobody likes to be run down at all.

  5. Very educative. Sometimes, most couples don’t even realise the harm they are causing to themselves and how they are damaging their marriages by running down at each other in front of other people.

    1. A very sad truth indeed.

  6. Such a beautiful post!! I really enjoyed reading it! I can’t wait to read more like it!

    newest follower from the GFC blog hop!
    [email protected]

    1. Amen Kate! Thank God for grace! And thanks for the follow!

  7. So true Ugochi, and sometimes even not realizing it we tear down our spouses without even dealing it.

    1. A sad truth Kendra, I can only ask for God’s help to cause us all to deal with this.

  8. Once again, Ugochi, you hit it out of the park! I completely agree with you, and one of the things I love is to uplift my hubby in any way I can. We need to be our spouse’s biggest cheerleader and encourager.

    Thanks again for blessing us with your wise words!

    1. Oh yes! “We need to be our spouse’s biggest cheerleader and encourager.” What a great way to put it!
      Thanks Anna!

  9. Following from Mom’s Monday Mingle!

    How inspiring is your blog!

    Please stop by & say Hello, if you have the chance.

    1. Thanks Kristina, I praise God for this! Have a great day!

    2. Thanks for letting me know about the follow 🙂 I started following so many people today that some didn’t go through! I should be on there now.

  10. So we come to the quote “Treat others as you would like others to treat you”

    1. Yeah, something like that Terence. No one loves to be run down. Have a great day!

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