ME FIRST! - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-1307,single-format-standard,bridge-core-3.0.6,qode-page-transition-enabled,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,qode_grid_1300,qode-child-theme-ver-1.0.0,qode-theme-ver-29.3,qode-theme-bridge,disabled_footer_bottom,qode_header_in_grid,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-6.10.0,vc_responsive



There is an ugly beast set at ripping marriages apart. This beast is working subtly and very fast with a serious mission to make sure that marriages are destroyed and the few that manage to remain remain unhappy , just tolerating their marriages without REALLY enjoying them.
It is salient, almost unrecognisable yet extremely destructive. It clogs the mind and blinds the eye to the truth about one’s faults and instead focuses on the other’s faults. It is always wanting to be fed and fanned and flamed. It is very deceptive and alluring.
It has been there from the beginning of time and does not have any exit plan. It is bent on fulfilling its mission as given by its master.  It has made some couples to see themselves as each other’s enemies instead of standing as one to fight this common enemy.

This beast is  SELF,  not the person as in you per se, but the flesh,  the selfish desires, and the wants of the person.
SELFISHNESS, is very destructive in the sense that it always seeks to satisfy it self regardless of the other person. It is not considerate of, or interested in how the other person feels as long as it has it’s way. It is never happy until it gets what it wants and it is very manipulative. It operates in different 
ways even though it’s objective is always the same, to have its way, what it wants, how it wants it, when it wants it, where it wants it. It most often wants to have the final say.

How often some couples struggle with these beast, some realising it and wanting it to stop but seem to have no clue as to how. While some others realise it but would rather things just remained the way they are, as long as they are having their way, it is just okay. Some have however discovered this beast and desperately sought for a way to extinguish its life in their marriages, discovered how and works always at snuffing the life of it out of their marriages.
The desire of a man or his wife to always want to have it his/her way, forcing, coercing and manipulating kills a marriage.  Divorce is not the only sign of the death of a marriage, some marriages are dead even with their marriage certificates intact, SELFISHNESS is largely responsible.

If you keep thinking of yourself at all times in your marriage you have yielded your self as an instrument to the destructive beast called SELFISHNESS.  If your spouse must eat what you desire, watch what you desire, go where you desire, sleep when you desire, welcome who you desire, e.t.c. Then there is a problem, if he/she does not speak up now, there will be an explosion or implosion soon to come. Your spouse might just decide to play dead in the relationship, let you have your way and be unhappy, and, or seek “happiness” somewhere else. Selfishness hurts really bad, I know you know how it feels when someone deals with you selfishly. We do not have to keep hurting our spouse by wanting to have our way all the time.

Spouses must learn to yield to themselves, we must learn that when we are joined to someone in marriage we must surrender our will. Sometimes just”play” the fool and allow your spouse to have his /her way just to make him /her happy. It does not mean you are foolish, in fact,  most times it is wisdom to give in. I am talking about giving in to choices and desires of your spouse, not to abuse or degradation.
Ephesians 5:21 KJV
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

In marriage, it does not have to be ” me first!”  In fact for any marriage to experience bliss, SELFISHNESS must die! For marital bliss to happen true love is a must, for only true love can sustain any relationship and true love is not selfish.
1 Corinthians 13:5 AMP
…Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights  or  its own way,  for  it is not self-seeking; …

If couples will choose and decide to kill SELFISHNESS, then the true meaning and original plan for marriages can be restored and there will be no crises in our homes today, it is necessary, it is important, it is possible! Remember that this ugly beast is a tool of the enemy. And it is only in God we can conquer it.
James 4:7 KJV
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Let all married couples seek their spouses’ joy and pleasure, like they seek to please God. If this becomes the goal of every wife and husband, it would be true marital bliss.
Romans 12:10 KJV
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
(emphasis mine)

Prayer is a very major tool in winning any battle, couples must learn to pray for their victory.
Matthew 26:41 KJV
Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
When we pray we receive strength to subdue self. That way, this ugly, destructive beast will be extinguished from our marriages,  Selah!

I have struggled with selfishness, have you?

Similar Post:
Me! Selfish?!

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Pingback:FLASH BACK MARRIAGE | Teshuva
    Posted at 14:09h, 18 April

    […] and wonder why some people keep SECRETS. Now IT TURNED OUT RIGHT AFTER ALL, and I always thought ME FIRST! I decided I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT anymore and learnt a bit about APPRECIATION. Have you been […]

  • Rachel
    Posted at 22:36h, 02 July

    Thank you for saying this! It’s so much more popular to say “Love yourself before you love anyone else”–but that’s not biblical and it really isn’t helpful for building up strong relationships at all.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:23h, 03 July

      Its not helpful at all Rachel, thanks for coming by and leaving a note.
      Have a great week!

  • faithlovejoyhope
    Posted at 01:21h, 03 July

    Love this! I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research about marriage because the hubs and I are in our 14th year of a very happy covenant marriage and have started doing a marriage Bible study with another couple. Being selfless is key but I don’t think that’s even possible without putting God first in any marriage. When we have disagreements, we try to remember to look UP (at God) instead of glaring AT (each other). It really helps!

    Thanks for such a great blog. May you continue to be blessed as you bless your readers!


    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:44h, 03 July

      It is not possible at all, God must be first. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a note. And congratulations on your 14th year, and I pray your Bible study blesses many.
      Have a great week!

  • Nell @ Housewife Empire
    Posted at 21:16h, 02 July

    Good post. I need to remember it’s not all about me when I approach my marriage. I really do.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:19h, 03 July

      Amen! We all need to remember this, thanks Nell, for coming by and leaving a note.
      Have a great week!

  • Mikki
    Posted at 16:33h, 02 July

    Oh, I got so excited about the post that I forgot to tell you the reason I dropped by…

    Thanks so much for joining Flock Together on 6/12 at Mom’s Best Nest . You’re welcome to join in this week at 6 p.m. tonight!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:19h, 02 July

      The pleasure was all mine and I will link up again, thanks. Have a great week!

  • Mikki
    Posted at 16:32h, 02 July

    Well said! As ugly as it may sound, I have to “kill Mikki” daily. I recognize God made me uniquely me, but I KNOW that there is nothing good to be made from me without HIS having control over my impulses. Unless you are prayed up and spirit-filled, you can count on the fac tthat your first impulse is wrong. And if I’m not careful, I’ll forget that my husband is God’s gift to me, just as He is.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:18h, 02 July

      Oh we must die daily if the ugly beast must leave us alone. We must stay Spirit filled too, true words Mikki and thanks for coming by and leaving a note.

  • Christi
    Posted at 14:40h, 02 July

    Thanks for stopping in and visiting and following me. I am now your new follower.

    After my first marriage fell apart due to both of our selfish manners, and other faults, I have decided that if I were to ever marry again I will make sure to put my selfishness on the back shelf. I am now going to remarry in August and throughout our dating stages I have not been as selfish and we have grown closer. I hope and pray everyday I can work on putting others first. It is defiantly a hard task but in the end I feel like a better person for it.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:16h, 02 July

      Thanks Christi, and congratulations on your wedding! Thank God it is going to be founded on truth and wisdom. Selflessness is a sure hard but possible task, and with prayers we can receive the strength we need. Thanks for coming by and leaving a note and following too.
      God bless and have a great week!

  • Jennifer Lambert
    Posted at 14:21h, 02 July

    Ah, yes. I struggle with it almost every moment, not just in my marriage, but with my kids and others too! It’s so hard to put others first, you know?
    Even harder when there are popular marriage and parenting books out there that teach it’s better to put yourself first (Screamfree series). Certainly not Biblical.
    The funny thing is, I feel so much better when I put my husband first, then my kids, even if there’s nothing left for me. I have less resentment and other bad feelings. The evil one certainly knows how to push all the right buttons and whisper all the sweet nothings we like to hear and it tears us all apart.
    Thanks for the reminder!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 18:11h, 02 July

      So true Jennifer, but thank God we are wiser, and I know that feeling, the feeling and fulfilment we get from putting others first cannot be given up for anything.
      Thanks for coming by and leaving a note, God bless and have a great week ahead!