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a family on a bridge


When My Son Told Me A Hard Truth

Our family was driving home with another family in their bus one evening and during a discussion my number 2 son says to all of us “I love my daddy this much.” He spreads his hands as far apart on his sides as they could get. “But I love my mummy only this much.” He holds his palms just about 12 inches apart, my heart sank.

The Truth Can Hurt Sometimes

For several days I reflected on my relationship with my children, just like I reflected before I wrote PROPER PATRICIA and I discovered that I could not really blame them if they preferred their dad. Let me tell you some of the reasons why:
Why does he love me so little? He could even say it openly without any hesitation.
What have I done, what have I been doing? I acted very calm smiling, as I asked why, but I was very hurt. It was quite painful to hear my son whom I love so much describe his love for me in such a manner. He said it kind of jokingly but I knew he meant it. I was hurt.

Most times I am the one who says “Pick this up or pick that up!” Daddy only says it if I have complained a lot or a miracle just happens. He often times does not see the mess I see.
  • Most times I am the one who says “stop making a mess!” when they are throwing pillows or other things around. Daddy lets them play all the time, in fact he joins them in the play even though it all ends up in a mess, and the mess is usually not cleared up soon after except for very few times when they hear or perceive me coming.
  • Most times I am the one who says “No snack until after you’ve had your meal!” Daddy often allows them to eat most anything they want, does not really in-between meals and how it affects a child’s appetite when it is time for a proper meal.
  • Most times I am the one who insists they finish their meals, daddy thinks they should stop once they say they’ve had enough, even if they just don’t want to eat because it is not one of their favourites, or they would rather spend that time playing.
  • Most times I say no when they ask if they could go to the backyard to play, I am always concerned about all the dirt they would bring in and how I would have to clean up after them. But daddy most often says yes without a qualm. In fact, all three of my boys feel the same way, they referred to me once as a NO-NO-Machine…I just dole out plenty of NOs to their requests.

My Children Are Not To Blame

Do you get it now? If you were my children would you feel any different? I am sure they see me as not fun loving at all. But in my defence that is not true, I am just one mummy who is too very concerned and anxious over some many things. I just want the house tidy, I just want the children clean, I just want them to eat their meals at the appropriate time, I just want… And I hardly remember to play as often as they would have loved me to.
My wants are not allowing them to be the children they are, they cannot turn adults over night. I must mind my expectation of them, I too was once a child and I know how it feels to feel unloved because of too many UNNECESSARY restrictions. Love must have bounds, true, but when parents just won’t loosen up; it can misrepresent true intents of a parent and hurt a child.
Ephesians 6:4 (MSG)
Fathers (…Mothers), don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. My emphasis
Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)
Fathers (…Mothers), do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. My emphasis
I am learning to loosen up, enjoy the mess and even join in it…sometimes, try and have fun. Allow my children to be children and enjoy them, let them play even in the sands and enjoy it with them. They will soon grow up so I must savour these moments and give them pleasant memories of me!

How about you, are you making pleasant memories of you for your children? Do you think you are too serious with them too?

Copyright© Ugochi Oritsejolomisan 2017

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Danielle
    Posted at 20:59h, 16 July

    Great post and thanks so much for sharing this! It really did go along with what I posted today. Thanks again for the encouragement! 🙂

    Danielle @ Healing the Heaviness.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 16:32h, 21 July

      Thanks Danielle! I appreciate your visit and comment. I’ll go see the post now! Have a great weekend!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 16:43h, 21 July

      Just remembered, I saw it first! LOL!

  • Rebecca R.
    Posted at 18:58h, 13 July

    It is hard to be tough on your kids, but on the plus side, the boundaries you are creating with them will help them to become responsible and successful adults someday! 😀 I know how you feel though – I have to remind myself to loosen up sometimes 🙂

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:19h, 13 July

      True Rebecca! I truly trust God to make them responsible adults, my sincere desire. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a note, do have a great weekend!

  • Ann
    Posted at 13:15h, 13 July

    Hi, Ugochi! Just wanted to say ‘thanks’ for stopping over at my blog, leaving a comment, and following it! I have done the same on yours. Oh, that must have been so heart-breaking to hear your son admit his favoritism. Children can be soooo honest that they don’t realize how their words can affect others. I have a son also, though, and for some reason, I think boys are more apt to be a little insensitive, unintentionally. And knowing children, he may feel differently tomorrow or the next day. It does make us moms think about allowing our kids to be kids, but they do need discipline too. It’s interesting for me to look back and remember that when my son was young, I was the biggest disciplinarian in the family, but once he got into his teens, my husband kind of got a little more strict and I grew closer to my son. Who knows, maybe that will be the case for you. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Blessings to you, sister in Christ!

    In His Lo♥e, Ann @ http://christintheclouds.blogspot.com/

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:15h, 13 July

      Thanks Ann!
      I know what you mean,discipline is very necessary. Just trying to make sure I make time to play with them too. I trust God they would feel differently as they grow older. Thanks for visiting Ann. Have a great weekend!
      God’s grace!