DON'T GET PHYSICAL YET! - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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Sometime ago a man told me of how he could have sex with any girl in the past. He told of how promiscuous he was and how he is grateful to have come out of that lifestyle. When I asked how he could sleep with even girls he didn’t find attractive, he said that he sometimes literally found a way to put a pillow over their faces , finish with them and get off. He said to me that all he wanted at the time was “what he wanted” not their faces. He made me to understand that sex is no proof

of love to many and I have come to understand what he meant.
I hear a lot of people tell me that their boyfriends or girlfriends tell them that if they really wanted to show that they loved them then they should have sex with them. In fact a lady approached me with this issue and wanted my counsel. I told her that this guy was only lusting after her, he didn’t really love her. If he did, he would respect her desire to keep sex for the right time-after marriage.

Sex in the right sense of it is wrong outside the confines of marriage. The One who created sex and marriage made it so. Sexual urges were built into our systems for our pleasure and procreation, but for an appointed time – after marriage.  The discipline of waiting for marriage before sex is for our own good. If any person can control his or her sexual urges while in a relationship, the chances of adultery is reduced, it is possible to be sexually disciplined. If a person must have sex whenever he or she feels like it then this world would be in sexual madness, way beyond what we are dealing with presently.


Marriage is a covenant not a contract or mere relationship, and unlike any other relationship on earth, sex is like the covenant seal upon a marital relationship because there is an exchange of blood. Every covenant is sealed with blood and sex is the seal for marriage. So anyone with whom a person has sex the person has exchanged blood with and this has its implications.

Marriage is like a building. The foundations must be right if the building of a home must stand strong and last. If we use the wrong materials or don’t build the foundations according to pattern, we cannot be sure of the health of that house. One strong foundational flaw in marriage is sex BEFORE marriage.

Please make no mistake; sex is no proof of love. So do not let anyone manipulate you with the talk that you should have sex with him/her to prove your love. Love does the right thing, love waits for the right time, and love treats the other person with dignity and respect. Love is disciplined and it is not in a hurry.

Like I always say, if he/she cannot wait, then something may be wrong, what if after you get married and one of you has to travel for perhaps a long time, what happens when the sexual urges come up? Would the next available person suffice? If you cannot control your sexual lusts before marriage, there is no guarantee you would be able to after marriage.

If you want to build your marriage and home on the right foundation, then wait until you are wedded and seal your covenant with sex, it is a covenant not just for pleasure. To enjoy your marriage you should follow the pattern of The Originator of marriage. He has the blue print of a successful marriage, and He says that sex is only for a married couple. Don’t follow this world’s pattern, follow God’s pattern, His instructions give life.

Proverbs 4:13 (NIV)

Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 & 4 (NIV)

3It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

4that each of you should learn to control your own bodyin a way that is holy and honorable.

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • Richly Middle Class
    Posted at 07:11h, 24 June

    What a powerful message. I know that a lot of people believe that sex is directly connect to love. As parents that is one thing that we need to sit down and discuss with our children that sex does not equal to love outside of marriage.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 07:50h, 24 June

      Your are correct Cynthia,
      This is a truth that we must teach our children. I have often thought of it but I need to start talking to them as they can grasp at their present ages. Thanks for coming over at Teshuva.
      Have a great week ahead!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:57h, 26 June

      True, we cannot say it enough. Thanks for coming by and leaving a note.

    • CrazyNutsMom
      Posted at 15:25h, 26 June

      Very powerful and important message that needs repeating again and again.

  • misssrobin
    Posted at 02:40h, 24 June

    Beautifully said. Thank you for being brave enough to stand up for truth.

    Stopping by from SITS. Have a great weekend.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 07:46h, 24 June

      Thanks Misssrobin,
      I do appreciate appreciate your coming by and this encouragement, do have a great week ahead!

  • Michelle
    Posted at 01:44h, 24 June

    You go girl! It takes courage to be counter cultural!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 07:44h, 24 June

      Oh Michelle,
      You must have an idea that I struggled a bit on this one. But knew I had to do it. Counter cultural can be hard, but most times it is for good. Thanks a lot, I needed this encouragement.
      Have a great week ahead!