SECRETS - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-1317,single-format-standard,bridge-core-3.0.6,qode-page-transition-enabled,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,qode_grid_1300,qode-child-theme-ver-1.0.0,qode-theme-ver-29.3,qode-theme-bridge,disabled_footer_bottom,qode_header_in_grid,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-6.10.0,vc_responsive



Why do couples keep secrets from each other? I have always wondered, and I always thought it was not right, but some say there are things your spouse should never know. Like what I ask?
I have never understood it though; maybe there are some things a man should keep from his wife, maybe not. I think the whole issue of secrets boil down to trust and fear.

In my opinion I think couples should keep nothing from each other, it can be very harmful when it is discovered. What would your spouse think of you if he/she gets to know about a secret you kept from him/her? I have seen such things destroy homes that were originally happy homes.

For instance, a man does not tell his wife of a child he had had prior to their marriage and she gets to discover by herself somehow, trust is broken, the marriage may still remain but this wife will not be sure if this is the only thing she does not know about her husband.  
There is nothing to be ashamed of when you are in a marital relationship, where true love, I mean love like it should be exists, fear should not hold you back from telling your spouse things that he or she needs to know about you.

Some say they keep things away from their spouse because they do not want to hurt them: now that could be true. But what if your spouse now discovers whatever it is by him or herself? I think the hurt will be more at this point because trust is questioned.

I for one would love to be told everything, I would appreciate that honesty even if it is something that I might be offended at, I would prefer to be told and to deal with it, than to find out by myself, or from someone else. Keeping secrets most times destroys whatever trust that existed before then.  
Some keep secrets for fear of their spouse’s reaction. They are not sure if they would still be loved and accepted.

Some fear that perhaps their spouses would use it as a tool to taunt them or they might just take them for granted, especially if it were to be a weakness of some sort.

Finance is another thing that some spouses tend to keep from each other, understandably so because some people are frivolous in their spending. If husbands and wives will learn to handle money then this would not arise, though I agree that there are some who are very greedy.

Different things go on in different homes and relationships; I believe wisdom from God is needed to know how to handle the peculiarities of every marriage.

But on a general note, I still opine that secrets can cause serious harm to a marriage and should be avoided. Trust should be built in the hearts of husbands and wives and spouses should work to earn the trust of each other.

Where there is love and trust, spouses will be more inclined to be open and honest to each other, so it depends on all couples to build up and gain the trust of each other, and to also do away with suspicion as it is unhealthy in every way.  
Let husbands and wives keep nothing back from each other.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Genesis-2:25  

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

  • BlessB
    Posted at 16:12h, 27 January

    How can I keep trusting my husband with secrets when he takes advantage of it when I offend him. He remains me of them n dat puts me on d edge of keeping my mistakes’ n secrets to myself or share them with someone else.
    sometime we had a misunderstanding n he opened up a secret I told him about my family before his relatives. I felt betrayed n battered. Till date I can’t open up to him.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 16:54h, 28 January

      So sorry about this. But by keeping secrets, I meant the ones that directly affect you, him or your relationship. One that if he discovered would tamper with your marriage. Like secret friends, secret meetings, secret purchases, secret…. I am sure you get the drift now.
      Sorry about the betrayal, forgive him and let go, forgiveness is for your own good. I pray God heals your heart in Jesus name, amen.
      Thanks for coming by, reading and leaving this note, do have a super blessed day, love!

  • Pingback:FLASH BACK MARRIAGE | Teshuva
    Posted at 14:08h, 18 April

    […] would be PURSUING PEACE, even though I had been BUILDING UP WALLS, and wonder why some people keep SECRETS. Now IT TURNED OUT RIGHT AFTER ALL, and I always thought ME FIRST! I decided I DON’T WANT TO […]

  • Kristin Bridgman
    Posted at 01:54h, 20 June

    I so agree with you! No secrets at all, we need to have 100% trust with our spouse. Thank you for saying so.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:45h, 20 June

      Thanks Kristin, 100% trust is God’s plan for marriage. Thanks for coming by. Have a blessed day!

  • The Pepperrific Life
    Posted at 05:32h, 20 June

    I also don’t understand why anyone would keep secrets from someone he or she loves the most. Trust comes from openness, I guess. How can you trust somebody who hides things from you? They say what you don’t know won’t hurt you. But in the long run, it will, because the truth always comes out.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:47h, 20 June

      Truth said Pepper, secrets hurt in the long run, won’t remain secrets forever. Thanks for coming by, have a blessed day!

  • Telaviv Yohanka
    Posted at 19:15h, 19 June

    May God continue to greatly Bless you Ugochi.
    Receive my prayers for your life in Jesus name amen and amen.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:43h, 20 June

      Amen Telaviv! I pray same for you too in Jesus name aman.

  • Richly Middle Class
    Posted at 11:29h, 19 June

    I have friends who keep secrets from their spouses. They keep major secrets. I would be afraid that my husband would leave me if I had some of their secrets.

    I will admit that I have a little issue with purses so my husband says that I have too many so I keep a purse fund on a shelf in my closet. If I am paying with cash, I will put the change in my pocket when I break a bill and at the end of the shopping trip, I will put it in my purse fund. When I find a new purse that I want, I go into my purse fund and see how much I have, I pay that amount in cash and take the rest out of our account. When my husband ask me how it cost, I say, I took this much out of the account. I know that it is a little fib because I did not answer the question, I skirted around the issue.

    I don’t keep secrets about major things. I am really dishonest about what I spend on purses and how often I buy toys for our child, I will admit that. I guess I think these are forgiveable sins. And also I am not an overspender for the most part.

    Anything else, I share with my spouse unless it is about work or now I am building my website so he and I discussed a budget for me and he does not want to be involved in the day end of it unless something major happens that I need support on.

    I am not sure if those are the kinds of secrets you are talking about. But I don’t think a marriage can survive anything more major than that as in your example a child from a previous relationship or a previous marriage.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:38h, 19 June

      Major secrets correct, but what is minor for one might be major for another and vice versa, so we need wisdom to determine which is which. We all need wisdom in this matter.
      Thanks for coming by!

  • A Proverbs 31 Wife
    Posted at 00:39h, 19 June

    When you share everything and there are no secrets your marraige truly is 100% better!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 11:35h, 19 June

      Truth Kendra!
      We should be open to our spouses, without skeletons in our wardrobes. We should do unto our spouses, what we would love them to do unto us.
      Thanks for coming by.

    • ♥ Shar
      Posted at 17:37h, 19 June

      I definitely agree with this 100%!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 15:41h, 20 June

      Thanks Shar. Have a great day!