BUILDING UP WALLS - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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I used to be a very good builder. Wall builder I mean, and not with bricks or cement, but walls to “shield” my heart. I did this pretty well with my husband.  Walls of defence, I call it, my husband was the attacker…

Several times my husband would hurt me- most of these several times he does not even know it. And snap! I just turn, shut down or go cold.
I start responding to him with very abrupt yes, I’m fine, okay, no…  I have tried to “kill” the love I have for my husband several times in the past, because I thought that way he would never be able to hurt me again. But I wasn’t truly happy.

I know a lot of women and men do this. I’ve heard it said over and over again “I am only protecting my heart from getting broken again”. But this is not true, when a couple does this they only squeeze love and life out of their relationship.

When a husband or wife closes up and won’t let the other person in on what is going on in his or her heart, they only worsen the problem. Shutting your spouse out of your world and life does great harm to your marriage. It causes a large gulf between you two. It hurts not only your spouse but you as well. You will not be happy, you will feel and be lonely even though you are not alone. It affects everything in your life.

It is good to talk these things over and admit to yourself that you did not marry a perfect man or woman.  Make up your mind to bring up these issues for discussion (not nag), instead of bottling them up and shutting down.
Sometimes you could even not talk about them too often, a different, positive, loving response might just bring your desired change, and I know it is not easy but it surely isn’t impossible. A lot of times we tend to weary our spouses when we always remind them of their short comings, they already know and are probably trying to deal with them, so sometimes we just need to find another way to respond to issues with our spouses.

Keep yourself open to your spouse no matter what he/she does to you. Living like that is so liberating from the emotions that would otherwise choke you up and deny you a truly happy life. Do not be afraid of being taken for granted, in case your spouse chooses to take you for granted that would be his/her problem not yours.  Being too careful can deny you of true happiness in your marriage. You just do your part, do what you know is right and watch your actions blossom into something you never thought possible.

Do not allow fear hinder you from all the joys you were meant to have in live. Open up yourself to your spouse, love your spouse unconditionally, tell him/her in the nicest way you can and at the appropriate place and time of any wrong done to you.
Break down those walls, break free from those thoughts that control and imprison you, you can live life to the fullest, and you can enjoy a perfect marriage with an “imperfect” spouse. You are not perfect yourself or are you? So go on and let go, free yourself, open your heart again, so you can enjoy you can enjoy life and marriage. Love, true love does not hide itself; it exposes itself to the “object” of affection and just pours out on that person.

The root or foundation of the walls we build is mostly bitterness and resentment, but love, true love is liberating when given the freedom it desires.
So go on, let it go, pick up your tools and this time, do not build but BREAK DOWN THOSE WALLS and let love in once again.

Ephesians 4: 31-32 (NIV)

31 Get rid of your bitterness, hot tempers, anger, loud quarrelling, cursing, and hatred.  

32 Be kind to each other, sympathetic, forgiving each other as God has forgiven you through Christ.

Songs of Solomon 8:7 

Much water may not put out love, or the deep waters overcome it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be judged a price not great enough.

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

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    Posted at 15:43h, 13 June

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    • Ugochi
      Posted at 16:19h, 13 June

      Thanks my friend. I appreciate your stopping by, stay blessed!

  • Shari Lynne @
    Posted at 17:59h, 13 June

    Hi Ugochi!! Great post and boy oh so true. It’s so hard when we are hurt not to build those walls. But you are right on target with tearing them down rather than building them up! Love how you put that!!
    Blessings to you!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 10:10h, 14 June

      It is hard indeed, no one likes to keep getting hurt. But thank God for grace. Thanks for coming by Shari.
      Have a blessed day!

  • Angela
    Posted at 00:03h, 13 June

    Amazing! This post could not have come at better time for me right now. Thanks for the reminder, and the insight. Look forward to reading more. Thanks for stopping by and visiting me at The Bargain Game.
    Your newest follower,

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 10:50h, 13 June

      Thanks Angela, I am grateful you could relate with this. Thanks for the follow too.
      Have a great mid-week!

  • Elizabeth
    Posted at 01:56h, 13 June

    Inspiring little blog! Following back at ya from the hop!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 10:51h, 13 June

      Thanks Elizabeth, I appreciate you.
      Have a great mid-week!

  • Jennifer fay
    Posted at 21:54h, 12 June

    What a lovely written piece. Simply beautiful. There are so many of us that build up our own private walls and it wrecks a marriage if we aren’t careful. It did mine, but then I’ve discovered new romance which is also nice. And my ex and I are the model parents.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:58h, 12 June

      It sure does wreck a marriage. Thanks for visiting and leaving your thoughts Jennifer. Have a great evening!

  • Cynthia
    Posted at 11:02h, 12 June

    Another great article. I will have to tell you that I am thrilled when I wake up in the morning and there is something there from you. I am the poster child from shutting down when I feel that someone has hurt me. This morning when I was driving home, I was struggle with this very issue. You must have been the Angel I needed this morning.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:14h, 12 June

      Oh Cynthia,
      I am so very encouraged by your words, I know my efforts are not wasted and I thank God for His grace. I am glad you got this right on time. I truly appreciate you.

  • Journey of Life
    Posted at 05:30h, 12 June

    Agree with you. I always open up to my loved ones. But, if someone continuously hurting me… I would shut down and move on. Before hands, I would try my best since I don’t like looking back and being regretful.

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:11h, 12 June

      It is only natural to react that way, but “we” are not just natural, we must live and walk by the Spirit. And remember the rewards are priceless.

  • Danielle
    Posted at 21:37h, 11 June

    I am so glad we found eachother! This is great! Thank you for posting this to remind us to not shut out love! I have done this before and yes it is a very unhappy place!!! Thanks again!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:45h, 11 June

      I am thrilled too! Shutting out love is not a happy place indeed. Thanks for visiting.
      God’s grace!

  • Anna Popescu
    Posted at 01:12h, 12 June

    I absolutely LOVE your blog! You are right on target with this one because it’s something I went through early in my current marriage. My first marriage ended in divorce and this time I let God lead me in finding the perfect husband for me. But I still dragged a lot of “stuff” from my childhood and that first marriage into this one and it definitely impacted our first couple of years together. But God is infinitely gracious and showed me that I needed to take every opportunity to uplift my sweet hubby, and oh, the rewards of that! I can honestly say now that our marriage is wonderful and God-honoring because we make every effort to put Him first in everything. Bless you and your writing!

    • Ugochi
      Posted at 21:09h, 12 June

      Amen Anna!
      You are correct, putting God and His word first is soooo rewarding. I am glad to hear your testimony, I will work harder to uplift my husband too. I appreciate you Anna.
      God’s grace!