Recently I talked with a sister who told me of her engagement and wedding moves. She was so excited and I was particularly excited because her excitement just simply rubbed off on me. But I had to ask her what they have been talking about and her response got me thinking.
Dating or courtship is a very important time in a relationship. It is a time to make sure you want to go all the way. It is the time to plan for and make the important decisions about your would be marriage.
It is not just the time to hold hands, have romantic dates, look in each other’s eyes,get the goose bumps, and say sweet little things to each other. These are all part of it I must admit, but planning, I mean real planning, has to happen at this time.
If you have the blue print of what you want your marriage to look like before you get married, then when you do, you just flow with it. You kind of just start running with the plan. It makes it easier in marriage to have an already prepared plan.
There’s a popular quote in my circle that says “Good Preparation Precedes Good Outcome.”
I want to share some of the things I believe intending couples, or even people who are just dating should ask themselves and talk about before they proceed in their relationships.
What/Whom do you believe in? If you do not have common grounds on this then you will have serious issues because there are so many things you are not going to be Seeing Eye to Eye on.
You may be able to carry on, even for what seems like a long while but loads of misunderstandings, quarrels, sorrow, pain, and heartaches will persist. That will be an unequal yoking and stormy ride.
Your Core Values Of And In Life
Principles you live by like: Integrity, sincerity, Love, purity, gentleness, humility and more. These and how you would handle life’s issues and the people in your lives or people you meet must be discussed and agreed upon in this season of your relationship.
How will you relate with in-laws, relatives, and friends. If you don’t agree on these values then it will be difficult for both of you to really work and walk well together.
One of the things that helped me make certain my husband was and still is “The One” was that He was and is still passionate about the things I am passionate about. Our visions for our lives had a meeting point, a connection. If you do not have these connections and both of you carry on in different parts there might come a time when you discover that you going in too many different directions from each other and this might breed or put a distance between both of you.
What vision do you have as regards children, how many do you want and how do you want to raise them?
These must be thought and talked about extensively, so that there is a marriage of your visions and passions.
This is a core area that you MUST discuss and agree upon. Are both of you going to work outside the home or will someone (In most cases it is the lady) stay home to manage the home front and raise the children?
How will you handle financial support for your parents and relations if you plan to?
How will you handle your finances, are you going to operate joint accounts? If each person will manage their finances separately, then who takes care of what? Who will handle the financial books or budgets of the family, one person is most times better than the other in managing finances.
My husband does better than me even though I studied finance, so I let him do all those figure works. Money and money related matters are largely guilty or has a hand in the troubles, separation and divorce of most couples today. So it will be wisdom for you to have a financial agreement and plan before you even venture in.
Emotions when not properly managed can be very destructive. Discuss your emotions and how to handle them. Share your emotional weaknesses and discuss on ways to work on and improve on them.
You must also tell each other the truth, if you notice an area of emotional weakness in each other. And make sure he/she knows and agrees to work on it. Talking about these things and agreeing on them helps a great deal in any relationship.
If you really desire to have a successful marriage, then do not “play” during courtship or when you are dating. Deal with all the issues you need to or they might deal with your relationship in future. Be open with each other on these things, hiding anything or acting like it doesn’t matter will boomerang later.
Two Cannot Work Together If They Don’t Agree.
DEAL WITH THEM NOW!