LOSING LOVE? - Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
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LOSING LOVE?

10 Apr LOSING LOVE?

Posted at 22:49h in Married Circle by
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The first time I ever heard someone say something about not loving each other anymore as the reason she got a divorce from her husband, I wondered what she meant. It took me some months later as I pondered on it, to realise that couples could actually crush their love for each other.

In fact I had told my husband on some occasions, that the way we 
were going, if we got used to not being with each other, it would not take us to our desired place in the relationship.
After much thought, I came up with eleven things that could crush love between husbands and wives, how a relationship that was supposed to be the closest relationship on earth
, where two people (a man and his wife-a woman) become one flesh suddenly becomes loveless.
Here are my eleven reasons, there could be more…
1.       Indifference

When couples do not care about the state of their marriage, they believe that one day things will get better; they agree with the world that their marriage must get worse before it gets better. I dare say it does not have to be so.
If couples make up their minds to care about and tend marriage, there would be very minimum stress and growing love.
Care about your marriage, care to note when it is not doing well 
and do something about it.
2.      Poor/zero Communication

This is a major, major. When couples do not talk to each other, talk with each other and listen to each other, they are building a gap between their hearts and this is very dangerous. It creates a major disconnect and soon they may find “other people” to communicate with.

Do not get tired of listening or talking to/with each other. I do not mean nagging, I mean talking… please.

Talk about everything and anything especially things that concern your marriage and each other.

3.      Un-forgiveness

Some spouses will not, forgive, let go, stop recounting offences and expecting a repeat.
This is like cancer; it can keep growing if unchecked, and will cause spouses to loathe each other eventually. This causes withdrawals and gaps and can lead to very bad situations.
It is not healthy at all; you cannot love in the real sense of the word with grudges in your heart.
My husband always counsels that people learn to have forgiveness in abundance and give it out, even on credit. Treat your spouse like you would your three or four year old, you would not begrudge him or her. Always believing that he/she didn’t mean to hurt you will help you forgive all the time. True love forgives.
And note that when you forgive, it is for your own good. Medical experts have said that un-forgiveness is a deadly emotion as it releases harmful toxins in the body causing ill health.
4.      Insensitivity

Ignoring your spouse’s feelings, thoughts and needs will send messages of “rejected”, “not-wanted or accepted” to the other spouse.
Ask questions likes, “Are you okay, you don’t look happy?” genuinely.
Look to see how you can offer help to your spouse, don’t always wait or want to be asked.
Avoid doing these things your spouse has told you he/she does not enjoy. Look for ways to show your spouse that you care.
5.      Over-Sensitivity

If a spouse is sensitive to everything (wrong) he/her spouse does, it leads to discontent and also builds a wall. You leave the other person feeling he/she is no good and unlovable.
Relax and enjoy your spouse, love is not real if it is conditional, if it loves only the perfect or in the perfect conditions.
6.      Unchecked “Strangers”

It is very unhealthy to allow closeness with someone to the point where your emotions take the better part of you and your marriage is threatened. When you find yourself sexually drawn to someone other than your wife or husband, then it is time to check. No matter who you are, or who this person is, you tread on very slippery ground if you continue. When you continually lust after someone, it is a sign that you need to go and work on your relationship with your spouse.
Do not allow yourself lust after someone else. Cut off immediately, no sympathies please. When it comes to relationships, make yourself accountable to your spouse.
7.      Secrets

It is a dangerous thing to keep things from your spouse because when discovered, no matter how long it takes it will eventually be discovered and when discovered, trust is broken and once broken it becomes very difficult to build back.
Be open to your spouse; tell your spouse everything you do or happens to you, before you “Huh?” let me say you must be wise in the how and the when.
8.      Distrust

Whatever it takes, do everything not to break trust with your spouse. It is the root of many problems in marriages.
9.      Unresolved Conflicts

When issues care not thoroughly resolved, it builds a thick wall between husbands and wives, it is invisible at first but if left alone can grow to be smelled and felt.
Ensure that every issue is resolved and make sure you let it go.  Also confirm that your spouse has too.
10.  Visions  Apart

Doing too many things apart is not good at all. Hanging out with the boys or tea partying too often with the girls to the detriment of your marital relationship is not wise at all. And it also hinders the closeness that should be between spouses.
Do more hanging out with each other, when you spend quality time having quality conversation often with each other, you may not know it, but a bond is being built.
11.  Disconnection From The Source

When a tree is disconnected from the soil, it may take a while, but it will eventually wither and die. So it is with marriage, if any couple is disconnected from the source, the marriage is standing on quick sand, things may look good but the couple themselves will 
know that they are not fulfilled in the relationship.
If you and your spouse will connect with the Author of marriage, the GOD who joined the first man and woman, and follow after him, then you will never have growing apart as an issue, even if it does surface you will know how to handle it, and in time too.
What Who is the source? The Creator of heaven and earth, The Creator of marriage. Genesis 2:18
Any marriage rooted in Jehovah, the Almighty GOD, stands a great chance to succeed, if His rules are applied, then it has a hundred percentage chances to succeed. God is love and when rooted in Him, love cannot be thrust out of any relationship.
If you take care of everything listed above but remain unconnected with GOD, your bliss will only be short lived and you will go back to struggling. But if you get connected with God and deal with the issues, His grace will help you stand strong in your marriage.

So there they are: these listed notes are proven to affect any marriage, every answer to marital conflicts is in God. Get connected with God now.
Say this prayer:
Dear God, I know I am a sinner; I do not want to be a sinner anymore. I want you to be my Father, please forgive my sins, I believe that Jesus was born and was crucified to save me. Jesus I ask you into my heart, be my Lord and Saviour. Help me to live righteous and to be your true disciple, I want to get connected to You and spend eternity with You. Father I ask all of this in Jesus name, amen.


ugochi-jolomi/BWbi
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan
teshuva7@gmail.com

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a mentor, encourager and influencer. She writes to inspire you to live a full life. Ugochi lives in Canada with her husband Benson and their children; Joshua, Joseph and Josiah.

11 Comments
  • Esther Onimisi
    Posted at 03:11h, 16 April

    Thank you ma for these timeless truths. May our homes be built on the rock of ages Jesus Christ. Hence the foundation cannot be shaken but stand firm In Jesus Name. Amen. Greetings to all yours. Much love.

    • Ugochi Jolomi
      Posted at 15:55h, 16 April

      Amen ma, amen! Thanks very much, my love to your family too!

  • Ugochi
    Posted at 02:35h, 16 April

    Naomi thanks a lot for stopping by.

    Alicia thanks, I am grateful you find it so, and I am encouraged. I will work towards a book.

    Hey Donna, we all do have issues with it, but have to keep working to get out! I loved your blog and followed too.

    Thanks to all three of you1

  • Donna McBroom-Theriot
    Posted at 02:24h, 16 April

    Great post. I have a little problems with that ole #3. I tend to shut down. Thanks so much for stopping by and following my blog. I can’t wait to read more here so I followed. Donna

  • Naomi
    Posted at 00:49h, 16 April

    Great post Ugochi! I totally agree with your 11 reason that could hurt a relationship with your spouse.

  • Alicia Washington
    Posted at 02:20h, 16 April

    Hi Ugochi! This is an absolutely awesome post! I will read this over and over again. I feel that you should write a book. Your analysis on this topic was dead on. This is a must read for married couples or those contemplating marriage. Thank you for this post.

  • kim bim
    Posted at 22:33h, 13 April

    just passing by, lovely blog u got. bless u! http://rock4less.blogspot.co.uk/

  • momto8
    Posted at 13:14h, 13 April

    yes!! i agree with your thoughts. and know we have to work on keeping the love and spark in our marriage….and it is so worth the effort!
    i am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.

  • Ugochi
    Posted at 13:28h, 13 April

    Thanks Momto8, truth said, it is so worth the effort.

  • Ugochi
    Posted at 23:52h, 11 April

    Thanks May, I’m glad you were inspired. I appreciate your taking the time, and I look forward to being part of yours too.

  • May
    Posted at 17:50h, 11 April

    Thanks for posting this, it really inspired me.. You are right on everything you wrote. Newest follower and i look forward being part of your blog.