Marriage And Chores.

Marriage And Chores.

Marriage and choresMany decades ago chores posed little or no problems in marriages because most women stayed home all day doing “nothing” but minding the house and the children which is already a whole lot of work. There is no job as demanding as that.
Also most families in my part of the world, had a lot of extended family members living in and helping out with house chores and baby minding.

Today however, because most mothers work outside the home and some do businesses from home, chores are beginning to become an area of concern and strain in most marriages.
Both husband and wife come home tired from work and in most cases the man expects his wife to do all the home chores alone.
In some homes the reverse is the case; the man is the one who runs around in the house, looking after the kids, doing the school runs, and cooking as well as minding their Jobs and businesses.

The other spouse may be ignorant, inconsiderate, or lack understanding that he or she needs to step in and help his/her spouse.

Two Extremes.
You know, in the past it is common thought that men are not supposed to help with chores. The women do all the work at home and the men in trying to rest from the day’s work do not give a hoot about how hard their wives are working. In recent times though, because of needed additional income in homes, women think it is an imbalance since they work outside the home too.

And now that men are attempting to help, some women have taken it for granted and completely withdrawn from picking a pin in their homes, leaving all the chores including minding their husbands and children to the maids… Or husbands…

Proferred Solution.
My spiritual mother always advises women to delegate all the chores that can be delegated and handle those that must be done by her alone.
This includes but is not limited to her husband’s food and their bedroom business. Also, women must learn the art of knowing what MUST be done and what can wait. That way they leave their energies for the most important thing at the time.
I am learning to do the MUSTS for the day so that I am not tired and irritable,  it is a bit slow but I am making progress.

Men on the other hand should learn to assist their wives in the home, no matter how little at a time. Every woman would appreciate that her husband cares about her enough not to watch her work herself to the bones.
My husband helps with house chores till date, in the kitchen and bedroom… When our boys were younger, despite his heavy workload, he helped in everything from bathing, to changing diapers, to feeding, to rocking to sleep… all the works, except breast feeding.
When I was pregnant with our first, he did the shopping and cooking too… It does not make him less a man, if anything, it has earned him respect and appreciation in our home. Plus, our boys are learning how to be a help to their wives when they get married.

I believe, like for any other issue, dialogue is in order. Couples should discuss on how to handle the home chores, nothing is too little or too big to talk about and agree upon. If maids need to step in then so be it, as long as their employment enhances the marital relationship of the couple instead of the reverse.
I used to frown at having maids but I discovered that for any virtuous (not lazy) woman to be effective as a wife, she would need help. Read Proverbs 31
However, care must be taken when choosing a home staff because the enemy is using every available tool to enter and destroy marriages.
Also, if one spouse has to change jobs to make more room for family, then that should be considered too.

The bottom line here is, couples are to help each other in marriage. I know that running the home rests majorly on the woman according to scriptures and biblical examples, but men should help or she will not be effective in discharging her duties. And it goes both ways.
We are in marriage together and helping each other in ways we need to be helped will grow our marriages and give the enemy no room for his gimmicks.

Don’t provide an opportunity for the devil. Ephesians 4:27 CEV

It can be a fun thing doing chores together in the home, it can bring quite some zing into our relationships with our spouses.

Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor. Ecclesiastes 4:9 AMP

What is your thought on handling chores in marriage?
How does it work at your home?

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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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13 Comments

  1. Bless you ma. Thanks for the post. Pretty much traditional/the old fashion set up at our house but I am grateful to God for my family and the man of God in my life. Everyday is an improvement on the next. Glory to God. Amen.

  2. I do not like house chores..okay there I said it…
    Recent happenings with friends has made me to want to start dealing with it a bit…
    I can cook for myself but only when I’m hungry..i can clean the house but only when it’s needed.. so if God gives me a man who loves to do these things I pray not to take him for granted…

    Thanks Aunty Ugochi..we are doing our best to learn and apply..

    1. Lol Frances!I do not like laundry at all, but I do it when I have to…
      Amen to your prayers.
      Have a super blessed day!
      Love

  3. I want to use this opportunity to express my gratitude to God almighty for using you to touch the hearts of many marriage and those that are yet to get merry. What I am going to say it may sound funny but I am telling the true. I go to church but when I see people giving their testimony, it wonder me. What I do feel is that, it is God responsible to take care of us! Have mercy on me but has always been my though and for this reason, I have never give a testimony in church before. Some part of last year I complained to my uncle concerning this and he ask me to wrire out those things I want God to do for and pray seriously about it and believe God for an answer……… Dec 31, 2014, I declear 2015 as my year of fulfillment….. Then I added three things. 1) increase of salary, in June 2015 I wrote to my management for increase of salary, by the end of June, it was my salary was increased. 2) since I was staying with my uncle and I needed my own accommodation, I added accommodation to my prayer, on the 8th of August, the way it happen I don’t know but the money for the house rent came so easily and I rented an apartment. 3) DEC 7, will make me 29, years old, I added in my prayer that this year DEC should not pass me by I should get marry, my girl who I have been dating for some years agree September to marry me. October 10 was the introduction and DEC 19, the traditional wedding. God answer all of my prayer at last I have a testimony. What a God…… What a year……

    1. Praise be unto our God! I am grateful to God for your testimonies Kallon.
      God is indeed a good God and does answer prayers.
      Happy wedding and marriage to you!
      Have a super blessed weekend!

  4. This has been a point of contention for me and my husband in times past, Ugochi. And when there’s much to do, the challenge to manage it all still tests our relationship to the max. We have learned how to discuss these matters, as you’ve wisely suggested. A little foresight and teamwork going into the next day goes a long way for sure! I’m so glad you’re addressing this and providing much-needed wisdom to a daunting issue in marriage. And I really love your idea about doing some tasks together with our husbands. It truly can bring fun and comfort to the equation. Btw, I don’t know if you live in the U.S. but if you do, Happy Thanksgiving, my friend!

    1. I can understand Beth, it was in mine too. But thank God for communication and understanding.
      I live in Lagos Nigeria lol! Thanks anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Though it is coming a day late I know thanksgiving is everyday.
      Have a super blessed weekend!
      Love

  5. I totally agree Tivu. May i thank you for these articles and I learn a lot from them. As a man who is about to get married, i totally agree that both should help each other, but my opinion is God made us man and a woman for reason. It is now becoming a norm for ladies to just relax and while men do the house chores. one end up asking himself why I have to marry since I can do the stuff myself. Not to mean to upset ladies and that I am the old school type, I believe women of the house should lead the husband and the helper in the house not vise versa.
    I enjoy to do the house chores but not where now the lady will just relax and enjoy while I lead the pack. Since we are different and some women are not that energetic when it comes to house chores, but it encourages when you see the willingness in her and trying. If she is not you start to think otherwise but God is good and will keep the marriages intact no matter what.

    Do you offer marriage counselling?

    Thanks once more.

    1. I completely agree with you Bonnie. While I believe the men shuold help their wives with house chores, it would be unfair for a wife to sit unconcerened and watch her husband do all the chores.
      I do offer counselling, and we can talk more at teshuva7@gmail.com.
      Have a super blessed day!

  6. Hey Gal, how are you? I enjoy your marriage sessions.
    I think everything boils down to communication and friendship in marriage. My hubby and I do it together without one taking advantage of each other. He sits and talks with me when I am cooking or doing the laundry…for us is an opportunity for ‘gist’. I also join him while he is washing the car or running errands outside the home. Our walk to the shop or drive to mall is always fun.
    Thanks for sharing this…
    Hugs and Sweet Blessings to you

    1. Yes indeed, communication makes things a lot easier.
      Marriage and chores can be fun if we do it right!
      Many thanks, have a super blessed weekend!
      Love

  7. A good piece. Highly recommended.

    1. Bless God!

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