When Silence Is Not Golden.

When Silence Is Not Golden.

When silence is not golden“Let peace reign” is a common phrase we use and it is often misunderstod for keeping quite at the expense of something going wrong.
I am all for letting peace reign, I am not for nagging and bickering on your spouse, I am not for being fussy about “little” things, and I am all for keeping the peace.
However, there is a time when we must speak up and speak out, how be it gently and with even tempers.

When your spouse continually does things that hurt you, you owe it to him/her, your marriage and yourself to lovingly communicate to your spouse.
Keeping quite and watching that go on and on might mean that you do not mind and you accept whatever it is and whatever situation you find in your marriage.
Many times people think they are keeping the peace when they keep silent about the issues they do not enjoy in their marriage, but in the long run it might just happen that their silence is the reason for the unhealthy state of their marriage.

It is somewhat mean for me to assume my spouse knows he is hurting me and deliberately continues to do so when I have not taken the time to communicate a certain thing he does that hurts me.

The Danger Of Silence.
Many have kept quite, refusing to communicate with their spouses and by this act introduced a crack in their relationship and marriage.
Marriages do not fall apart the day they fell apart, sometimes a lack of or zero communication is constant drippings that started the crack.

On the counselling table I have heard where one party turns to spouse and says:

“But you should have told me.”

We must always find a way and time to communicate our hurts to our spouses before things go really awry.

Imagine a woman who feels her husband is not paying her attention in marriage decides it is time to get with another man who does, without letting her husband know. Her husband who assumes that he is doing his part to be the best husband there is for her.

  • Maybe he would have made the necessary adjustments.
    Maybe he would have shared the challenges that seem to be distracting him.
    Maybe there was even a hurt he had been nursing that caused a withdrawal.

Sometimes it may not be a hurt per se, but just something going on, a trend or anything that we might think is not what it should be in our home must be communicated to our spouse. We must understand that communication is very fundamental to any relationship and more so our marriages.

I have seen that when we keep silent about issues without talking them over with our spouses, we create a kind of barrier in our relationship because there is a lack of openness.

When We Pray.
I know many times we say we will take it to God in prayer, but so many take it to God in prayer and still hold back from their spouses because they refuse to believe that he/she might be innocent and oblivious to whatever it is and how it makes their husband or wife feel. 
Of course I am a strong advocate of prayer.

Praying becomes the only option if for some reason our communication does not yield the desired result. Even at that I believe sometimes it is the mode of communicating, or the timing that triggers a negative result.

So, I would like to submit to you that there are truly times when silence is not golden. There are times when keeping quite can silently and gradually wreck a home.

There is a time for everything… Ecclesiastes 3:1 NCV

…Wisdom is profitable to direct. Ecclesiastes 10:10

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is that Head, that is, Christ. Ephesians 4:15

Are you keeping silent?
Do you know anyone who is?
Do you agree that there are times when silence is not golden?

Copyright© Teshuva 2015

Sharing With: Wedded Wednesday



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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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6 Comments

  1. Amazing post! A lot of people do not like any form of confrontation, so they prefer to keep silent and behave as if all is well. Just as you said, I am also a strong advocate of peace. But peace is impossible to attain if there is no justice. To be just means to be right! What is right or wrong is relative. If your spouse isn’t doing what is right in your eyes, then the wise thing to do is to kindly and gently let him/her know. A wise man said, “Assumption is the mother of Frustration”! We shouldn’t be afraid to confront (in love) what isn’t good in our marriage. Even if our spouse misunderstands and get mad at us, it’s ok! We just need to pray and try again at a more appropriate time. Thanks for your words of wisdom once more Ugochi. You rock!

    1. Praise God Kayode! We must always comunicate, it is the life of relationships.

  2. I surely agree…a breakdown in communication is one of the main reasons for divorce. So many times, we, as women, just assume our husbands know what we want or what displeases us. We harbor resentment inside, when, all along, he doesn’t even realize he is doing anything that bothers us. This happens so many times. I believe God wants us to keep the lines of communication open between us and Him AND us and our spouses. Great post, as always, Ugochi!

    1. Amen! Thanks for coming by Cheryl, have a sgreat week ahead!

  3. I once heard someone say “silence is agreement”. This statement is very true. Also, true silence only exists within the heart. If someone is silent but their heart is troubled, they are not truly silent. Their heart is screaming with pain, but they’ve put a muzzle on it. Nice post Ugochi!

    1. I agree with the way you just put it Angel, “If someone is silent but their heart is troubled, they are not truly silent.”
      Thanks for coming by, have a super blessed day!
      Love

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