Discussing Marital Issues With Family.

Discussing Marital Issues With Family.

Discussing marital issuesMr. John (not real name) could not contain his wife’s indifference to the things that really mattered to him. He always felt disrespected by his wife and thought it was okay to tell his mum and siblings all about what went on in his home, after all, they are family.
As a result there were always phone wars between his wife and mother or siblings, telling her of things that happened between her husband and her, things that happened within the secure walls of her home, with constant threats being issued to her of how they would take him out their son and brothers’ house with a swoop whenever they wanted. Mrs. John could not understand why he took these matters to them instead of talking them over with her, she felt betrayed and insecure in her marriage.

Some wives do this too, sharing their marital issues with their parents and/or siblings. This can lead to ugly circumstances.
I know one who kept sharing her husband’s weaknesses with her family, with hopes to getting solutions on how to deal with them.  With time, she could not understand why her family does not seem to have an iota of respect for her husband.
They now make caustic remarks when referring to him. Many times her siblings have been rude to her husband in their home and presence, this never happened in the beginning.

Now, you would agree with me that if anyone had any idea, or imagined that their son or daughter, is being “mistreated” by their spouse, they first impulse would not be to “love” on their in-laws. They would naturally think about the matter, or deal with it with a hint of bias. This of course will not yield a very positive influence in the home of the said couple.

Couples should learn to deal with their marital issues with discretion.
First they must do is look to God’s word for guidance, to know how to handle whatever it is that is going on, they must take it to God before anyone else.
If they think they must must share with anyone, it must be someone who would not be biased in judgement. Some one who would handle it objectively and most importantly someone who will be guided by God and His word.

Sharing your marital issues with parents or other family members may not be healthy because they would naturally want to take sides with you against your spouse. Except if of course they fear God. It will pose serious threat in your marriage because trust and security will be affected.
Every marriage has challenges, I will be married for 15 years this September, I have never shared and do not plan to share my marital issues with my mother or siblings. I would take it to God and discuss it with my husband. On one occasion I shared with our spiritual parents.

Please do not expose your marriage to people who are not influenced by God, they will have nothing good to offer you. You have to be very wise in handling marital issues, one bad influence is enough to wreck a marriage.

It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong. It takes knowledge to fill a home with rare and beautiful treasures. Wise people have great power, and those with knowledge have great strength. So you need advice when you go to war. If you have lots of GOOD advice, you will win. Proverbs 24:3-6 (NCV)

PS – When it is life threatening however, I would suggest you speak up, but still to the RIGHT persons!

Copyright© Teshuva 2015
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Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

Ugochi Oritsejolomisan is a Christ-follower, wife to Benson, mother of 3 awesome boys, God's agent, speaker and blogger. Writing to inspire you for a better life in God! Find her on: google
Ugochi Oritsejolomisan

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8 Comments

  1. Great post! I actually think the same principles apply to dating/courting couples. But in that case, I would add friends to the list of “don’t tell them your relationship troubles”. I think it is best to be counseled by someone older and wiser, that is not a family member. They can be objective, and are less likely to hold ill-sentiments if that person becomes your spouse.

    1. And of course I agree with you about speaking up in the case of abuse! This is so important it cannot be stressed enough.

      1. I totally agree with you sis!
        Thanks for coming by, have a super blessed day!
        Love

  2. Ugochi u hv Incredibly useful n great ideas. May God bless u. I wish you could discuss on how to have a healthy and strong relationship with God first and also boy-girl relationship. Thanks a lot and God bless u

    1. Thanks Bro, will keep it in mind!

    2. If you check my articles on Singles-Tidbits, you might find something on the topic.

  3. I don’t know if you saw my video for this past Monday – “Why can’t I run to my mom?” Ugochi, but I did this unhealthy practice in the early days of my marriage. I thought I was “sorting things out” with the support of my mom, but I was really stirring things up with my husband by breaking a confidence that should have been kept out of respect. And of course, it cheated us of the opportunity to work through things together. Great thoughts, my friend! I do so appreciate the practical ways you challenge us! You always have incredibly helpful content!

    1. I didn’t see the video, I best do after now.
      Breaking confidence is what we do when we keep discussing our spouses and marriages with family.
      Thanks for coming by and sharing your wisdom Beth, have a super blessed day!
      Love

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